Page 103 of Four Times Forever

The nurse was too scared to tell us that she quit after my mother threw a sharp picture frame at her head while she was helping her reorganize all her stuff. Walked her ass right out the door and called emergency services. They found my mother on the street after that, trying to score coke. Like the heavens above had opened up and the angels had driven the cop car themselves, they caught her before she could even touch the bag.

I missed out on all of that because I was busy playing house with my men in la-la fucking land, all the while, they knew why my sperm donor's body was floating at the bottom of the lake.

"So, what the hell are you doing back here?" After catching me up on the reason she didn't get my calls, my mother offered me a drink—a non-alcoholic drink, yes—even though I'd kill...ahem...I'd love a strong drink right now.

It turned out the only person in the world I could ever believe a word coming from their mouth was my mother. No best friend. No man I could trust. Just me and my mother, the woman who abandoned me despite her physical presence, the one who chose Terry Thornbread over the safety of her kids, over herself.

"You were right." I took a sip of the too-sweet lemonade.

Drugs, we can't have. Alcohol for addicts? No. But sugar, yeah, let's make sugar free and available to everyone of all ages, addicts or not. I put the drink on a —guess what? A coaster— and set it aside.

"You and those four men of yours broke up?" She summed up with just a look.

My eyes stung and I cleared my throat. "Yeah."

"Okay, come on. Lay it on me. What have they done? Put their hands on you? Cheat?" she asked.

Yeah, that's right. I hadn't confirmed the reason for the 'breakup' yet. 'Breakup' sounded so small compared to this.

"Whatever it was, it must have been pretty fucked up for you to end up back here in this dump." She downed her drink and poured herself another.

"It's not a dump." I sniffled.

"Yeah, you're right. Almost didn't recognize it when I stepped through the door. Walls and doors fixed, fresh coat of paint, the couch doesn't stink of beer and Terry." She stroked the matching armchair she was sitting in across from me. "They did good."

I gulped. So good, I was going to be reminded of them every single day I was living here. I needed to get a job. Hopefully my mom was doing fine enough to be on her own while I found somewhere else.

When I didn't answer, she pressed. "Oh, don't tell me you've lost your tongue. Don't follow in my footsteps anymore, I beg of you."

I looked up, squinting at her. Did she just try to make a joke about her catatonia? I'd give her an obligatory laugh if I didn't want to leave my body so badly and sink so deep in the couch I couldn't be found again.

"Did they kick you out? You know, you should've been smart and got your name on the house so they wouldn't be able to do that. What is it? Did you do something to get kicked out?" She turned the tables.

"Me?!" I snapped.

"Well, I'm trying to make sense of what happened. You had four good men who would give you the world..." She shrugged.

"I thought you hated them!" My mouth fell open.

"Girl, I wasn't in my right mind. I didn't know what I was saying, thinking..." She took a deep breath.

"You had the most clarity out of all of us." I interrupted.

"Yeah. Funny." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm not joking, mom. You were right." My heart was ribbeting in my throat.

She had just been released a few days ago. I didn't want to upset her. But on the other hand, I couldn't keep this in any longer. I was drowning in guilt, knowing that I was still in love with the men who murdered the man she loved, the man I despised. Besides, who else was I meant to talk to about this? I needed to say it out loud, to someone else. I didn't have anyone else.

'The person you should be saying it out loud to is the cops.' My conscience reminded me.

Head on my fist, I studied my mom. "You deserve to know the truth."

She waited.

"Apart from the four of them, you were the only other person who knew..." I breathed. "They killed Terry."

Mom's brows shot up into the wrinkles of her forehead. Her jaw slackened. She kept her eyes on me.

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