Page 101 of Four Times Forever

"And who's going to protect me from you?" Lily choked.

"I'd never hurt you," I scoffed at the idea.

"Yeah? You already have. More than you could ever know, Eric." She rubbed her forehead and sniffed back a chuckle. "This is fucking crazy. What is it with me and attracting men who don't have their fucking heads on their bodies? I thought I actually found normal men. I thought I could be normal. But you fucking killed two people because you 'love me'." She took a breath. "And I get why you did it. It doesn't make me hate it any less. When it came down to it, it was your life against theirs."

Lily trembled.

"Fuck, no matter how hard I try, I end up in some dumb shit, huh? I knew something was wrong with Tyler the moment I saw him. It's all been lies. All of the people I love lied to me. At least my parents never gave me false hopes. You know what the worst part is? Your lack of remorse. That's some psychopath shit, Eric. I don't think I ever knew the real you."

That hit harder than anything else I could have faced at the hands of Tyler. In fact, I think it would have been best if I had let him finish me off. The resignation in her body, the blankness in her eyes, I'd lost her.

Fuck. There was no getting her back.

"Lily. Please don't hate me for this. I thought I was..." I reached for her.

"No, Eric. I've heard all about what you wanted. But you knew what this would mean to me. And you did it anyway. You didn't do this for me. You did this for you." She let out a heavy breath. "Fuck. I don't hate you for it. I should. But I don't. As you said, Tyler threatened you and if he hurt you...." The rims of her eyes trembled and she let me touch her. She even reached out and touched my cheek. "If I lost you, any of you, there's no telling what I would do."

My heart grabbed hold of hers, thinking it had a chance. She dropped her hand and pulled away.

"But I can't forgive you for getting involved with a mob boss..." Lily looked at the floor as if she was searching the smooth concrete for answers.

"Wouldn't you have done the same for us?" My face crumpled as my heart was ripped out.

"There were so many options! How many people do you know that go missing and are found because a criminal helped them?!" She yelled. "That's what the cops are there for."

"Those cops weren't worth shit! They were more focused on the dynamic of our relationship than going out there to find you. We had to do something! How many missing people have you heard of who were found alive?! Time was running out. We were desperate..." I yelled back.

"I get that!" She balled her fists and walked away from me. We were both heaving as if we just got done running track in the Olympics. "But, fuck!" Lily grabbed her head and screamed. "It's all one big fucking mess." Exhausted, she dropped her head. Her voice was hoarse and run ragged. "I'm glad he can't bother me anymore. I'm glad that when my nightmares attack me, I can rest assured that he's never coming back."

She nodded then shook her head, fighting her mental battle.

"But that wasn't a coincidence. A hand dealt by fate because he deserved what was coming to him. That was all of you enacting revenge on my behalf, or Tyler using what happened to me to get his kicks." She shook her head. "You robbed me of my chance to see him get what he deserves. To look him in the face at the trial and watch him squirm, knowing that for once in his fucking life, he didn't get away with harming someone. That no one was going to make excuses for him, give him a slap on the wrist and let him walk around all smug, knowing there would be no consequences for his actions. I wanted to see him go down for this and know that damn it, there was no escape."

"Trust me, he knew that in the end." I confirmed, remembering the way he regretted all his life decisions that led him up to that final moment. When his threats were silenced and terror seized him.

"Yes, but I wasn't there to see it! He was my tormentor, mine and my mother's worst nightmare, my captor, my sperm donor whose blood ran through my veins. He was my hell. He's the one who turned my beautiful men into monsters. He's the fucker that's always taking something from me and I wanted to see him suffer at the trial." She sobbed.

"He might have gotten off in a couple of years, and what then?" I choked.

"There's no justification for murder! He HURT ME and fuck it, I didn't set out to murder him! I didn't set out to murder the other guy! In my case, it would have been self-defense. In yours, it was cold-blooded. Stop making it sound honorable! It wasn't." Her body shook with her breath. "Just please, can somebody get me the fuck out of here? I don't have money for a plane ticket or a cab. What the fuck am I doing with my life? What am I doing here? Damn it, I'll go get the fucking keys, myself."

"I already texted Ryan..." My voice trailed off to her deafened ears. The elevator dinged open and it was him.

"Oh, fuck me." Lily looked from side to side, looking for an escape.

Chapter 63

Ryan

"Listen, I don't want to have another conversation about this. Eric told me what happened. I just want to go home." Lily walked off, talking to herself.

"I've brought the keys." I pulled them out of my pocket, and she turned around to face me.

"Great. Can we go?" She glared at me and snatched them from my hand. "Ethan and Matt can grab another car to the jet, right?"

"I didn't want to do it," I confessed. On her way over to the car, she unlocked it, ignoring me. "I've been in torment over it ever since."

She opened the car door and paused. Her body hung over the seat like she was carrying a boulder on her back. I thought if the truth was finally out, I'd lose her, yes, but at least the weight would be lifted. It hadn't been. She had just forgiven me for something dark, and damn it, I missed her. This was the straw that would break her back. I couldn't let that happen.

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