Page 102 of Four Times Forever

Our woman, vibrant this morning, filled with the delusions we forced upon her, convinced that she was marrying four Prince Charmings, when in reality, she had been getting to marry four cowards who couldn't work up the courage to do the right thing.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me again, Lily. I already know this is it," I said. As I spoke the words, it was like a vital wire holding my body together broke, shutting me down. "I deserve your scorn. Your hate. All of it."

Lily turned to look at me, nostrils flared from the tears she held back. She had already been crying so much, her makeup was streaked from the tears, lashes blackened by smeared mascara.

"I just want to apologize," I breathed.

She let out a guttural cry, her legs giving out, the only thing holding her up were her arms on the seat.

Eric and I rushed forward.

He picked her up off the ground, and I held the door open as he put her inside the vehicle.

"I'm going to make this right." I leaned in to kiss her on her temple.

With weak arms, she pushed my hand away.

"Unless you're going to turn back time to the day Ann-Marie offered you that job and turn it down, there's no way you can fix this." She reached for the car door.

"You don't mean that?" I asked.

"Yes. Yes, I do. No one has ever hurt me more than any of you have. I was handling my life before you. And I'm tough. I would have handled Terry when he inevitably walked back into mine and my mother's life. I wouldn't have been crying like a little bitch over it. Look at me. You've all softened me. Turned me into someone helpless. Like an idiot, I believed I'd always have a soft place to fall with you. It was too fucking good to be true, and I'm the fool for not opening my eyes sooner. If it wasn't for Ethan and Matt waving their money around, Terry wouldn't have..." she said the last part so fast, she didn't catch herself until it was too late. The words were already out there.

"That's what you feel?" Eric's mouth fell open.

She looked away.

"You're blaming Terry's actions on us?" He rounded the car to where I was standing at the door, and I moved out of his way because my head was spinning.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Why am I apologizing?" She grumbled to herself and turned to face him. "I'm almost thirty years old, Eric. I've dealt with Terry Thornbread my entire life. Of course he'd pop back up. I told you guys at the house to leave it alone, let me handle it..."

Eric scoffed and shook his head. "And I've always gone along with your wishes, haven't I? Since the first time I saw him threatening you, I went along with your wishes. Even though I thought it was stupid, I went along with it, because I understood how much violence you'd seen and how much it triggered you. That's why I kept this from you. Why I encouraged all of us to keep this from you."

"No, don't do that. Don't try to make it okay that you hid it from me," she fired back.

"Well, I'm sorry, Lily. You can't expect us to not want to protect you when someone threatens your safety. Your life!" Eric lost his cool.

"I would have handled it," she insisted.

"Yeah, well, the point of a relationship is that you shouldn't have to handle heavy shit like this by yourself. Terry didn't organize your kidnapping because of anything we did. You can't put that on us. Terry did that because he was a sick, twisted, entitled little fuck." Spit flew from his mouth. "Yeah. We shouldn't have killed him and that other greedy fucker. I'll admit that. But fuck, you can't expect us not to be ready to knock some sense into any piece of shit who threatens you. You can hate me for it, I don't give a damn. I love you, damn it. And I'll fight to the ends of the earth for you. From the first moment he put his hands on you, I wanted him to suffer. I didn't want to be the one to do it. I wish I wasn't the one to do it. But I am and I can't take that back. Go ahead and crucify me for it."

He walked away and jumped into the driver's seat. "Now where the fuck are Ethan and Matt with our shit?"

Lily glared at him through the rearview mirror.

"Eric's right," I breathed. "Terry was sick in the head. What he did was his fault. But what we did, that's ours. I want you to know this, though. I don't regret a single moment I've spent with you. I don't regret meeting you. What I regret is not being able to protect you, making a deal with the devil for your life, and breaking your heart. Hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do, but I seem to have a pretty spectacular habit of doing so." Ooh, that one hurt. "I love you, Lily Thornbread. I'll never stop. Once we get home, I'll move out. You'll never have to see me again if that's what you want. I should've never lied to keep you. Never killed to..." I shrugged and shut the car door.

There was nothing else left to say. When Ethan and Matt joined us, the ride back to the private jet was quiet. Lily put her earphones in and curled up against the seat, making sure not to touch Ethan or Matt. And when we got to the jet, she stomped past us, choosing a seat as far away from us as possible.

I didn't think she had looked at us since the parking garage.

Chapter 64

Lily

Don't start with me. I knew I shouldn't have said what I said. That whole thing about Terry kidnapping me because of them. I knew it was fucked up. And a damn lie. But fuck, what was I supposed to do, take it back? It had been a couple of days since we came back from Paris, and I hadn't spoken to them or seen them. In fact, as I sat on the reddish-brown leather couch that they bought in 'home sweet-motherfucking home', I wondered why I still hadn't called the cops.

And yes, I was back at my mother's house. It turned out the reason she wasn't returning my calls was because she had to be locked away in a mental health facility after she attacked the nurse. Mom had come home and had a nervous breakdown after finding that everything had changed.

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