Page 90 of Four Times Saved

We moved the blankets and pillows out of the kitchen and into one of the bedrooms, where Lily was now sleeping and covered up to the neck. We cleaned up after our second throw-up session because it was embarrassing to have Lily offer to clean up after us. And we convinced her it was best if we slept separately for the night, though we wouldn't be far. I'm guessing she was so turned off by us that she happily agreed.

Ah. We had to get our shit together. I held my breath, gathered the leftover fish, trying to keep from puking, and headed to the lake to toss it back from where it came. Ryan was there, downing his—what was it? I had lost count—his next bottle of wine. He watched me as the fish hit the water with a splash, and I noticed another empty glass bottle floating on the lake.

"What the hell, man?" I grabbed the bottle from his hand, and he stumbled. "Are you trying to drink yourself to death?"

"Why not?" He looked at me.

My stomach dropped with dread because I related more than I wanted to. "You don't mean that." I shook my head.

"Don't I? I keep seeing the bloody knife. I can still feel it." My eyes dropped to his shaking hand, which he clenched and released. His face was twisted up in disgust.

My skin crawled from the memories.

"His flesh..." Ryan gagged again but managed to swallow it. "And the fish..."

"It's not the same lake." I hurried to speak before he voiced my own thought.

"Maybe not. But we're not the only ones who have dumped bodies in lakes, are we?" he asked.

A scuffle startled me, and I spun around with my heart in my mouth. My breath collided with the wind when I found Matt there instead of Lily.

Ryan hadn't stopped talking. "All those bodies."

"Ryan." Matt pleaded.

"What do you think happens when the bodies are in the water for too long? I think the flesh falls off. Or the fish eat the skin, and then we eat the fish..." Ryan heaved, and this time, he threw up on the water.

I turned away because my head was pounding, and I couldn't handle another body-wrecking expulsion of my stomach.

"How's Lily? Is she okay?" I grabbed Matt's gaze for a distraction.

He hung onto mine in return. "Yeah. Still sleeping. Eric's with her."

"Is he sleeping?" I asked.

"Fuck no," Matt said. His eyes shifted, and his brows came together. "What the fuck is Ryan doing?"

I didn't want to know.

"Night's kind of chilly for a swim," he said.

I spun around to find Ryan, fully clothed, knee-deep in the water and still going.

"Fuck! He wants to drown himself." I took off running.

"That's a little dramatic," Matt added. It's not like we haven't done stupid things when we're drunk. I shook my head and dove into the nightmare that was the lake, the thing I'd been trying to avoid since coming here. Water and vomit and fish got in my mouth, and I tried not to lose it as I grabbed Ryan by the shirt and started pulling him back in.

"No." My cheeks grew warm and then cool from the tears dripping down. I fell to my knees with Ryan next to me, screaming at me to let him do it. "Earlier, he said..." My voice wobbled.

Matt was shaking his head until his body gave in, and he gasped as if his lungs had just collapsed.

"I can't live with it." Ryan slapped his head.

"We're gonna have to. Lily needs us," I attempted.

"She doesn't need me. I don't have anything to offer her. She has you...you bought her this house. And you helped, didn't you, Matt? And Eric, he's her first love. She'll be able to forgive you when it gets out. But me?" He choked on his breath. "What have I done? I'm a murderer. A murderer. I can't." Ryan tried to get to his feet, and Matt beat me to it, pushing him back down.

"Listen to me. You're not the only one going through this..." He started, failing to acknowledge that Ryan was the only one who had actually killed someone. But Ryan couldn't know that. He hadn't been around to see that his wound was the only one to claim a life. And it would stay that way.

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