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"You have us. And as hard as this fucking is, we'll keep it together. And this won't get out. You hear me? And don't let me ever hear you say something so dumb again." Matt dropped to his knees and slapped Ryan across the face.

I balked. Way to make him feel lower. But they'd always had a different bond between them than the rest of us. Ryan's wrecked eyes flew open to plead with Matt.

Matt gripped him by the neck of his undershirt and pulled his forehead into his.

"You give her you. That's what you give her. Your heart." He stabbed his finger into Ryan's chest. "Your love. And that's the reason why you did...we all did, what we did. It wasn't for nothing. And no, there's no going back. There's no taking back what we've done. But we have to live with it, because we don't have a choice. Because this cannot come out. It won't. Lily loves you. As much as she loves all of us. But we'll all lose her if this comes out. You're not the only one battling with this. You think I'm not reliving it every fucking second? That Ethan isn't or Eric isn't? Right, Ethan?"

Matt looked at me for support. Damn, I could do with a fucking hug, myself. So I moved toward Ryan and wrapped my arms around him. He shook in my arms. Matt took his hands in his.

"You think I don't want to jump off into the bottom of that lake as well? But look at all we'd lose. Lily? Each other. I'd miss my best bud slash ex." He gave Ryan's hand a squeeze and Ryan took a huge shaky breath.

"Well, damn. Wouldn't you guys miss me?" I asked, feeling a little tender.

Matt smiled and slapped the side of my head. "Of course we would, you big loon."

"Yeah." Ryan sighed and nodded.

"Okay. Because I was feeling a little jealous over here." I injected some humor. All of us managed a slight smile. "Those men weren't innocent, okay? And we were manipulated into doing it. It doesn't excuse it, I know. But the only thing that I'm relieved about when I think about everything, is that they're gone. That's what will help us live with ourselves. Live with this lake. Even if we're going to have to avoid 'seafood' for a while. And Tyler's an expert." I took a breath, keeping my fear of Tyler to myself. No need to trigger them further. "Those bodies aren't resurfacing any time soon. So, all we have to do is get through each day, lean on each other when it's too raw. And eventually, like everything else, it'll become easier."

"Yeah." Matt nodded.

"So." I took a gulp of air. "Why don't we head on inside and try to get some sleep?"

Matt helped me pull Ryan to his feet, the alcohol in his body making him triple in weight.

"You can cuddle with me if you want." Matt half snickered.

"In your dreams." Ryan rumbled.

Chapter 40

Tyler

After banging on the bedroom door and pleading with Ann-Marie to open up and talk to me, I'd resorted to slumping on the floor. Worn from the day and the kind of sex that would knock you out, I drifted off to sleep.

The bedroom door banging against the wall woke me up and I opened my eyes to see my wife pulling a suitcase behind her. Jumping to my feet, I grabbed onto the compact pink case and pulled the handle from her hand. She spun around and punched me in the chest.

"Give it back!" she screamed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I barked back at her.

Ann-Marie narrowed her reddened eyes at me, cheeks flushed with temper. "We were doing so well!" She pounded my bare chest again, clawed at it. "We just got married, you bastard!" she sobbed.

I looked at her wide-eyed and threw the suitcase back inside the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" My brain was still trying to wake up.

"You! Damn it! I can't stay with you now! I can't be with you, touch you... look at you!" Ann-Marie headed toward the bedroom door and I grabbed her in my arms.

She elbowed me in the ribs, stepped on my foot and spun out of my hold. That's what I got for teaching her self-defense. Her bony elbows could cause a puncture wound.

"Ah, don't give that...that bullshit!" I spat. "You were fucking loving it an hour ago, getting off to the idea of me killing someone!"

"No I wasn't!" she yelled.

I scoffed.

"Oh my fuck! You just admitted it!" Ann's voice lowered to a tremor. "You killed them, didn't you?" She grabbed her mouth with trembling fingers.

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