Page 89 of Four Times Saved

It had been a while since I'd laid back and touched myself to the sight of them fucking each other. I was getting hot thinking about it. I ran my hand over my throat and took a sip of wine, before shaking my head. This was all insane. I chuckled as the idea of all of us showing up in front of a pastor and asking him to marry us popped up in my head.

"I'm so glad we didn't have to keep it a secret. I don't like keeping secrets between us. Speaking of which..." I took a sip of chilled wine. "Are you guys going to tell me what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Eric's gaze dropped to my breasts as the blanket slipped.

"Focus on your food." I blushed and covered myself as if I wasn't already throbbing between my legs, just being naked on the floor with my four hot men. I gulped and tried to keep the focus off sex, because there was a reason why I arranged this. "Really, though. There's no one here but me and you. If there's something you need to get off your chest, you must know that you have a safe space here with me. Whatever is bothering you, I want to help."

Eric's eyes dropped to his plate. Ryan coughed.

"It's nothing." Matt smiled but it didn't reach his eyes this time.

"No, no. You're not getting off this easily. I know why you didn't come inside the Women's Center with me today, and even though I don't approve, I understand."

They all froze and turned to look at me. I was sure I saw their hearts creeping up to their mouths. Matt, Ethan and Eric turned red and their throats contracted as if they were suffocating. Ryan filled his cup up with some more wine and downed it in a couple of chugs.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I understand. What happened... It didn't just affect me. And with everything else you have going on inside your heads, your lives, I'm sure it's all too much. Let me in. If I'm going to be your wife, I've got to be good for more than just sex and a charity case." I frowned.

"Not this again. How many times? You're not a charity case." Ethan choked out.

I knew I wasn't. It had been a while since I'd used that term. But still... "I need to be... I don't know... useful to you too. We can handle whatever we're all going through together."

It was just on the tip of their tongues. Their eyes pleaded with the need to tell me.

"Just say it." I soothed. "I won't judge you. I won't think you're weak if you break down, if you open up." I moved closer, reaching out to brush my hand against Ryan's hand gripping the blanket, smoothed my hand over Eric's tense jaw, ran a finger over Matt's wrinkles and placed my hand over Ethan's pummeling heartbeat.

"When you say you know why we didn't come inside, what do you mean?" Ryan asked. There was a storm in his eyes and I couldn't help but move over to wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Just that I can see you're struggling with something. And I forgive you for not coming inside, because I understand. But if you had come in, the therapist could've helped you guys too." I pulled back to look at them. "Is that where you went? To see a separate therapist?"

Ethan's fork clanked against his plate. His hand was shaking and he cleared his throat. "This fish is really good. The flesh is so soft and juicy. Seriously, all the flavors ooze onto your tongue. You've really outdone yourself."

"Ethan," I groaned. "You're trying to dodge opening up. I don't understand why. You're not going to hurt me with the truth." I breathed.

"Nah, no. That's not it," he said, taking a breath. "Let's not worry about all of that right now and focus on this beautiful food you prepared. It's delicious, isn't it?" He looked at the guys who were stiff with confusion.

I shook my head. We were so close. Damn it.

"Whatever, it's fine. Besides, your attempt to flatter me is wasted. All I did was warm it up. The boatman cooked it, I think. Caught it fresh from the lake. See, ha! You managed to distract me. I guess if you aren't ready yet, I won't..." My speech was interrupted by Ethan spitting the food from his mouth.

Around me, Ryan, Matt, and Eric started gagging. Um, what? Was it something I said?

Ethan rushed to his feet and took off running. Matt and Ryan followed behind him. I sniffed the fish and raised it to my lips for a nibble to test if it was off or something.

Eric slapped it from my hand. "Don't eat that!" he yelled before heaving and grabbing his mouth. He jumped up as well.

"What the hell is going on?!" I shouted in horror, hurrying to my feet and running after them.

Ethan barely made it out the door before he was retching on the concrete seated area of our garden. Ryan could hardly contain himself and followed suit in the grass. I stood there, gobsmacked and disgusted as they all left their stomachs on the ground of our environs, and wondered whether or not I should be worried that the food was contaminated, and if I'd also soon start throwing up. It didn't taste funny to me, and how would they know that something was wrong with it? They were eating it without a problem before.

Poor them. They must have gotten a bad batch, like their fish sat out for too long or something. Or my conversation about emotions turned their stomachs. Ah hell, I was just trying to help.

Ugh. For better or for worse, they say. Plus, I'd handled worse while taking care of my mother. I took a deep breath, stepped around the mess and walked up to them, soothing their backs before heading to search for a bucket, filling it with water and washing down the concrete.

"Well, this didn't exactly go to plan, did it?" I said, coming inside to find them pale and spent. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll bring up a hard conversation like that when we're not eating? Oh, no. I'm sorry. Please don't throw up again! Ah, hell!"

Chapter 39

Ethan

---