Page 50 of Holy Sinner

“Where is he going?” I ask Grant. I’m worried about what he might do.

Grant kisses my cheek and puts me on my feet beside the tub. “He’s just doing a sweep of the place. We left in a hurry to find you,” he says and bends down to start fiddling with the taps to fill the tub. “Come here, we have to get you out of that.”

I let him guide my hands and pull the bloody nightgown off of me. “What are you doing with it?” I ask when he folds it up and heads towards the bathroom door.

“Bagging it. The cops are gonna want it. Easiest way to get them off of us is to show we have nothing to hide.”

The easiest way.

He would know. He’s been through this before. I wrap my arms around myself and swallow hard. “I didn’t do anything.”

“I know, sweetheart. Stay right there, I’ll help you in the tub.”

I nod but don’t look up. My eyes are on my feet. I’m barefoot, I didn’t bother with shoes when I took off on my sleepwalking journey from the look of the blood and dirt that are caked to the bottoms and sides of my feet. The sight makes me sick. I dry heave once and then twice before I sprint for the toilet. I barely make it when I throw up the snack board Grant made me hours before.

“Fuck.” Grant’s there, hands gentle on me as he pulls my hair back and helps me steady myself until my stomach is empty and there isn’t a prayer of anything else coming up.

“I’m okay,” I tell him and stand shakily. God, why are my knees shaking like this? It feels like my legs are made of jello and I’m angry at feeling so weak.

“Let’s rinse your mouth, brush that shit out, yeah?”

I put a hand to my head. “I think I’m still drunk.”

“Yeah, you smell like it. You okay to walk?”

“Yeah.” I nod and follow him to the bathroom sink. He hands me my toothbrush and fills a glass of water for me before he goes back to the tub. I start to brush my teeth and wince when I lift my eyes and look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes are bloodshot and there’s blood on my hands and neck. Little splatters from where I fell dot my arms and chest and there’s a smear of it on my leg that must have bled through my nightgown. I look like a horror movie extra and I’m glad that I got sick earlier and there’s nothing left to throw up. I brush my teeth and try to splash water on my face to wipe away the mud and blood but it just smears it around.

“Here, come here,” Grant stops my hands and pulls me to him.

Tears prick my eyes and I pull against his hands and reach for the running taps. “I have to get it off me. Please.”

“We’ll get you clean in the tub.”

I pull against his hold but it’s no use. Grant picks me up and carries me to the tub and a second later I’m in warm water. I stop fighting him. Oh god, why am I fighting him? I need him.

“Grant, I’m scared. I-I–what did I do?”

“I know, sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be scared of, I promise. You didn’t do anything, Kit. You had too much to drink and got lost in the woods. It happens.” He drops to his knees beside the tub and looks me in the eyes. He’s so beautiful, those gorgeous summer blue eyes that I used to dream of looking at. “I’ll keep you safe. Say it.”

He does keep me safe. He always has.

“You keep me safe,” I whisper back to him and he smiles bright like the sun.

“That’s right. Nothing will happen to you.” He holds out a loofah and body wash to me. “Let’s get clean and you’ll tell us what happened then, okay?”

I nod and as beautiful as the eyes on me are, I can’t help but look away to the water. It’s turning pink around me. My hands shake when I pour soap onto the loofah and I drop it twice in the water before Grant takes it and starts to clean me off. I grip the sides of the tub because the walls in the room feel like they’re bearing down on me.

Everything feels like it’s on repeat.

This has happened before.

It’s happening again.

A DECADE EARLIER…

“What did you do, Kit?!”

---