Page 42 of Holy Sinner

“Thank you,” I say and give her hand a squeeze. She’s giving me a little slice of normal and I’m grateful. We walk on in silence to my cabin and part with a quick hug and a promise to text me about rock climbing later. I wave to her on the porch of the cabin and watch as she walks on down the path. I don’t move until she’s out of sight and then I let myself inside. When I do, the cabin is quiet. I know Rafe and Grant are home though and a minute later they enter the living room together.

“Hey,” I greet them and Rafe gives me a smile while Grant comes right to me.

“Hey, how was yoga?” he asks, kissing me on the cheek.

“It was good,” I say and head into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Well, I mean it was good but it was weird.”

“Why was it weird?” Rafe asks the second I say the words. I wish I’d chosen different words when I see the way Grant is watching me. He’s got that look again that tells me he knows something is wrong. It’s easier this time to get around it because there really is nothing out of the ordinary.

“Jasmine was there.” Both men instantly relax and I slide into the stool at the counter and keep my eyes on them. “She pretended everything was…fine.”

Rafe tilts his head to the side. “There a reason things wouldn’t be fine?” he asks and I look at Grant in surprise. I thought he would have told him already, that my little secret about Jasmine would be common knowledge, but I guess he didn’t. It's unexpected but I roll with it.

“I kind of beat up Jasmine a little bit,” I tell Rafe quietly and Grant snorts.

“That’s what you’re calling what you did to her?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. The movement makes his biceps bulge and I get distracted for a split second before I force myself to focus on the here and now.

“Okay, fine, I–you know,” I make a jabbing motion that has Rafe’s lips pursing.

“You shook your fist at her like an old man?” he guesses and I laugh, even though I know I shouldn’t. I drop my eyes and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I shouldn’t laugh right now, I never would before.

Before.

That’s the recurring theme in my life. Before. There’s always a before but I’ve never had much to lose in the after. Now, with Rafe and Grant, I do.

“No,” I say and swat at him when he comes close. “I told her if she kept coming on to you both I was going to make her pay and that you would both end her career if I told you to.”

Grant leans against the counter and gives me an appraising look. “You didn’t tell me about the career thing,” he says and then adds, “I like it, sweetheart.”

“Very cutthroat of you,” Rafe tells me as he puts his hands on my sides. I shiver under his touch and lick my lips. His dark eyes track the movement and I know he’s thinking about kissing me. I want him to do it.

“I almost cut her throat,” I confess and I flush at the dark look that comes alive in Rafe’s eyes. I know the look. It’s the one he gets when he wants me. My heart skips a beat and desire pools in my belly quick and hot.

Rafe shifts closer. “Shy girl…”

“I didn’t mean to,” I tell him in a rush. “I don’t know what came over me. I just-I just got so angry seeing her with you and decided I had to do something.”

“So you nearly slit her throat?” He tips my head back with a finger. I can feel Grant’s bulk beside me as Rafe smiles down at me. I’m caged in by my men and the heat in my belly turns from desire to annoyance. I feel like I did when I got hauled into the principal’s office because I dared to mouth off against the girls bullying me in gym. I look between both men and lift my chin in defiance. Jasmine is a bully, just like those girls that picked on me because they didn’t have anything better to do. I was quiet then, just like I am now. The only thing I wanted was to escape high school and never go back to that godforsaken town again. I’d managed it then and kept my head down, but I’m not going to do that anymore.

I meet Rafe’s eyes and then look at Grant. My fingers twist in the hem of my shirt while the words that I want to say bubble up in my throat. The air feels heavy in the cozy cabin and when Rafe leans closer, I lean right back into him.

“She deserved it,” I whisper, surprising myself.

I surprise Rafe too, from the sharp intake of his breath. “She does,” he agrees.

“Without a doubt,” Grant murmurs as he trails his fingers through my hair.

Rafe lowers his head to look me in the eyes. “Can’t say that I haven’t thought about doing it when she acts like a bitch to you. No one would miss her if something did happen.” I can hear the promise there. If I told him to do it, the if something would become a when something happens.

“That’s not true,” I tell him. As much as I want to, someone would know Jasmine was missing, someone would miss her. Besides, it would fuck with the movie. “We need her.”

Rafe’s lips lift in a smirk. “For now.”

“But-” I start to protest, to try and tell them that I handled Jasmine and he doesn’t have to think about what happens to her after the for now. I want to be the one taking care of Grant and Rafe, they’re always there looking after me. Even now, even when I was annoyed with them, they're still mine.

I’ve never had anyone or anything be entirely mine. Nothing. Not even my stories–-those were always for someone else. Even By The Way doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I wrote it so long ago that the girl who wrote it doesn’t feel like me. That story belongs to her. But these men and what’s happening now is one hundred percent mine.

I don’t get the chance to say any of that, though. Rafe catches my mouth before I can get a word out and when he wraps his arm around my waist and lifts me from the stool I wrap my legs around him. I moan and open my mouth to Rafe eagerly. His tongue and lips are hungry and I know he’s about to ruin me. Anticipation floods my system and I whimper into his mouth under his bruising kiss.

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