Page 28 of A Constant Christmas

“Oh, you know Mom. Talk, talk, talk. Couldn’t get a word in edge-wise.”

We both give each other a warm smile before getting in the car. I look back at the grave one more time as we pull away.

“You okay, Kansas?” Tyler asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just missing her. I wish you could have met her.”

“Me too, baby,” he says, giving the back of my hand a light kiss.

As we drive back to the house, I reflect on my time with my mama. For so long, I held so much resentment toward her. How could she just leave us like she did? How come those last few years she stayed in bed constantly instead of at least trying to be present? Why wasn’t she there for me when I needed her the most?

It took a long time for me to realize that none of it was her fault. Her mind was ill, and she didn’t know how to handle any of it. When she took her life, she thought we would be better off without her. Although I don’t think she was right, we survived it nonetheless.

I just wish we would have had more time. If I’d have known there was so little time, would I have stayed home more to keep her company while she laid in bed? Would I have pushed her harder to get the help she so desperately needed?

I’d like to think so, but I’ll never be sure. Maybe my dad is right. The little stuff can wait. The house doesn’t have to be perfect as long as the kids are happy…with a happy and healthy mom.

Just the thought of the kids draws my lips up into a smile. But along with that smile comes a slight pang in my chest from missing them. Although this trip has been amazing, I am missing them a little more every day.

When we get home, maybe I will learn not to take the “mom, mom, mom’s,” for granted and not get so irritated when I can’t get anything done because they want to be near me constantly.

They won’t be babies forever.

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The rest of the day seems to fly by in a blur. My younger brothers come over and introduce me to their girlfriends, both of whom are very nice and seem perfect for them. It’s good to see them so happy, although, in my mind, it’s hard to get past the memories of the smelly little boys who used to annoy me when we were kids.

Over the years though, they’ve turned into good men. Very hardworking just like our father and good ol’ small-town boys all the way.

I give them shit about them not coming to New York more, but I know they’re busy. Everyone has their own lives. Hell, that’s the excuse I’ve been using for not coming home. Why can’t it work for them too?

My dad just orders a bunch of takeout for lunch because he’s not great in the kitchen, and in his words, he ‘refuses to let his daughter cook a whole meal for a crowd when she’s supposed to be on vacation’. We offer to pay for the food, but he scoffs at that too.

Jonathan Flemming…as proud as they come.

A little while later, Macey shows up. She’s a petite woman with red hair that has a touch of gray on top. After we are introduced and making small talk, I can’t help but notice the way she gently touches my dad’s arm as she talks. Or the way she looks up at him and smiles when it’s his turn to speak.

Throughout the afternoon, I notice other little things happening between them. The way she asks if he needs anything when she gets up. The way she laughs at his lame dad jokes. And the way she gets on him for not taking the vitamins she bought him.

But most of all, I notice my dad and the way he looks at her. It’s like he looks at her with dare I say…love. And for the first time in years, he looks happy. Really, genuinely happy.

That’s all I need to know about Macey to know that she is okay in my book. If they are both happy, I wish them all the best.

In the words of the man himself, life is too short not to be happy.

Chapter Twenty

Tyler

We spend the rest of that evening and most of the next day hanging out with Sam’s dad and brother.

I’ve always loved seeing Sam here around her family, and I feel bad that we haven’t been seeing them more. Being so close to my family, it seems that we see them quite a bit more, but it’s no excuse. We have the money and the means to come out here more, and we definitely should.

The last night we are in Armstrong, Sam suggests we get out of the house for a little while and head into town. The evening is quickly growing dark as we pull into the parking lot of the only bar in town.

The last time we were here, Sam got on a mechanical bull and showed me how a real country girl does it. Not going to lie…it was sexy as hell.

But tonight, I won’t ask her to ride the bull. Ten years makes a big difference, and I don’t think she’s up for it the way she used to be.

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