Page 75 of When The Night Falls

Like a deer caught in the headlights, I looked up.

‘Are you all right, dear?’ she asked worriedly. ‘You’re as white as a sheet.’

‘What is it?’

‘I wondered if you could fetch us another bottle of wine.’

Grateful for the chance to escape the table, I pushed my chair out and stood up. ‘Ripasso?’

‘That’ll do.’

‘He’s been acting weird all day,’ I heard Jason say as I left.

‘Well, he’s got a lot on his plate at work,’ Dad said. ‘The transaction he’s working on between GreenPark and Lightning Charge is a considerable one. GreenPark has got one of the largest networks of charging points for electric vehicles in the UK. Lightning Charge has been one of their competitors. You can imagine there’s lots to go over and consider to ensure that the transaction happens smoothly and that the acquisition won’t breach competition law – and I know Fred’s pushing him hard.’

While I appreciated his excuse, it wasn’t the real reason. The transaction was indeed a considerable one, but unlike my feelings, I had it under control.

I sighed as I reached into the wine fridge. This was quite the conundrum. Given Cara’s convictions, I doubted I stood any chance at all of earning her affections. It didn’t help that she commanded the attention of every man present wherever she went. It was only a matter of time before my successor would come knocking on her door. In fact, it was obvious that even Dad had fallen victim to her charm. So why should she favour me? It was clear our circumstances stopped her from entertaining even the thought of me, especially romantically.

I wondered if she would have been more amenable had I not been her flatmate’s brother and future boss. At the same time, I knew I could never offer her anything else. These were simply the cards I had been dealt, but could I still win with them?

I frowned as I reminisced about our night together. She had told me then that she considered me ‘boyfriend material’. Surely she must have meant that I possessed qualities she deemed desirable in a lover? So my personality wasn’t the issue. Our incompatibility wasn’t based on a difference of character but rather on external factors. But surely those things could be overcome?

I remembered another obstacle then. Aaron.

The moment I thought of him, my jealousy found another target, because her reasoning didn’t make any sense. She had told me she didn’t harbour romantic feelings for him, that he might as well ‘be air’ to her. But now I suspected her of having lied, because nothing else could explain her desire to remain with him when she could instead have reserved that time for me. No one was that rational. No one had that much self-discipline. If she truly liked me as much as she claimed – if I were truly ‘boyfriend material’ – then surely she would have chosen me over him.

It occurred to me that she might just be pretending that she didn’t have feelings for him because she was scared he would reject her – a defence mechanism, of sorts. Perhaps she actually loved him.

What made matters worse was that he didn’t carry the same risks as I did. He wasn’t her best friend’s brother, and he wasn’t her future boss. He was her lover. The advantage that gave him made me ill with jealousy and fear. Considering her threshold, the likelihood that she would date him was far higher than the likelihood that she would date me.

They were already sleeping together. That could easily advance into a relationship. It was evident that she harboured at least some version of love for him, or else she wouldn’t have been so attached. What if, in a few months, they decided to get serious?

I stood perfectly still, my heart aching in a manner it had never done before. I stopped breathing for a moment, waiting for the pain to pass, but it didn’t.

I grimaced and shook my head. It felt like my brain was overheating from all this thinking; I was hung up on the fact that she had described me as ‘boyfriend material’. Unless she had no conscience to speak of, it seemed too genuine a statement to be a lie. Had she told me that merely to shut me up? It would be a questionable method, but then again, it had worked at the time.

Delving deeper into thought, I remembered the scene in my office when she had signed her contract. The memory of her hand within mine remained particularly vivid because she hadn’t shied away from my touch. On the contrary, I was under the impression she had welcomed the intimacy. Moments before that, she had confessed she was guilty of sexualising me as well.

Suddenly my chest felt a bit lighter. Maybe I did stand a chance after all. The question remaining was how. How could I make her see that I would be worth risking her attention for?

I realised then that my strategy should remain the same; I would need to befriend her before anything else. While biding my time until she felt ready to settle down with someone, I would try to warm her up to the idea of being with me. I would show her that, rather than take from her, I meant to give to her – everything in my power to help her reach her goals. She was convinced she could manage it on her own, and while I was sure she could, too, my presence in her life would make it even easier, not harder. I meant to prove that to her – that I would be a convenience, not a burden.

But since the strength of her convictions was considerable, I expected the process would require patience. Fortunately, I boasted quite a lot of grit, and I would rely on that to achieve my goal.

I was going over the details of my plan as I returned to the dining room. When I walked in, I could tell from their expressions that my smile puzzled them.

‘That’s a different man to the one who left,’ Jason said with a raised brow.

‘I had a word with myself.’ I walked over to where Mum sat and opened the bottle to pour her a glass.

‘Merci, mon chéri,’ she said and caressed my back.

‘De rien.’ I directed my gaze to Cara’s. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been such terrible company. I’ve had a lot on my mind, that’s all.’

She smiled, and my heart palpitated at the view. ‘No need to apologise. You’re always wonderful company.’

‘Especially when he’s quiet,’ Jason joked.

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