Page 87 of Cross the Line

Alec yanks his hands away, scrambling backwards until his back hits the wall. Theo’s still talking, but Alec can’t focus on the words as his stupid brain hones in on the rejection. If it were just Theo changing his mind about sex, Alec would be fine. People can stop whenever they want. Consent can always be revoked, but this is different. Alec told Theo something he’s never told anyone, now Theo doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore, and his brain is freaking the fuck out.

He’d known he was going to lose Theo again; he just didn’t realize it was going to be before he even got to have him.

CHAPTER 16

Theo

Alec is spiraling. Theo’s never seen it firsthand like this. He’s heard stories from Jason, knows enough about trauma and rejection sensitivity dysphoria to know it’s likely some messy mix of both, but he doesn’t know how to fix it.

He’s pretty sure Alec thinks he was being rejected, which wasn’t Theo’s intention. All he was trying to do was avoid being one of the many assholes who’d made Alec uncomfortable or taken advantage of him. The idea of doing that to Alec turns his stomach. He never wanted to hurt him, only he apparently had yet again.

“Alexander, look at me.”

Alec’s body goes still, unnaturally so for him, and he lifts his gaze to meet Theo’s. There’s so much confusion and pain there, but the trust is what undoes Theo. For all the times Theo’s inadvertently hurt him, he must’ve done something right too, because Alec still trusts him. He can’t begin to imagine what he’s done to deserve that faith, but he wants to be the kind of man that Alec seems to think he is.

“I’m not rejecting you, Alec.”

“That’s not what it feels like,” Alec mumbles, scrubbing at his watery eyes with his sweater-covered fists. He pulls his knees inside the sweater, everything but his head hidden beneath the fabric like it’s some kind of protective shell.

“I know, but brains can be kind of mean sometimes.” Theo inches closer, not sure if he should touch him or not. “Also you might’ve noticed, but I’m not the best at saying what I mean. I’m kind of bad at communicating.”

Alec settles his chin on knees, staring at Theo. “You are horrible at it.”

“Wow, don’t spare my feelings,” Theo teases, relieved at the way Alec cracks a smile. “We can’t all be as perfect as you.”

“I am pretty perfect,” Alec sniffles, his bravado making Theo’s heart clench. Even if all the reasons make sense, it’s hard for Theo to reconcile how many years he’s spent missing out on how great Alec is because of his own shit. “Took you long enough to notice.”

“What can I say, sometimes I’m a little slow.”

“That’s all right, you have your other strengths,” Alec says, some of his smile returning. It renders Theo speechless, the air in his very lungs hard to access. Alec should always be smiling, should always be happy, and it’s a little terrifying for Theo to realize he wants to be one of the reasons that his smile stays on his beautiful face.

Some of that smile flickers as he twists Theo’s sleeves between his fingers. “I’m sorry. For ruining things.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. Please don’t apologize. Unless you do something really stupid or reckless, like getting drunk or picking a fight with someone twice your size again.”

“I don’t ever want to drink again,” Alec groans. “Though I can’t make any promises about the other part. ”

He’s pretty sure Alec is joking, but the idea of him getting hurt without Theo there to step in has Theo’s chest roaring with defensive instincts. He’s felt protective of Jason before, but not like this. He wants to wrap Alec up in his sweaters, in his bed, wants to make him laugh and smile and never let anyone else hurt him ever again. He wants to keep Alec safe and happy, but he has no idea how to do that when he’s positioned himself to be someone who could break him.

Virginity might be a stupid convention, but the trust Alec has placed in Theo isn’t. He trusts Theo to keep him safe, to make him feel good, and to not demand things from him he isn’t willing to give. Alec might be offering Theo his body, but Theo is under no delusions about his heart. That is entirely off limits, not that Theo would have a clue what to do with it if it weren’t. It’s for the best that Alec won’t get attached to Theo. What’s happening now might be toeing the line of friendship, but it’s still a line, and it’s one Theo isn’t going to cross.

Theo can absolutely fuck Alec—beautiful, feisty, fierce as hell Alexander King—and not get feelings. He knows he can. He’s never gotten them for anyone else, and this won’t be different. Some mutual sexual gratification, a little harmless flirting because honestly anyone with two brain cells wouldn’t be able to resist Alec’s charm, and then they can each move on.

“You look like you’re about to take a test and forgot to study.”

“That is not what I look like right now,” Theo says.

“It totally is.” Alec laughs, moving onto his knees. Theo tries to keep a straight face but Alec’s inching closer, his face screwed up in the world’s most over-exaggerated expression. Theo can only assume he’s making fun, but seeing stern frown lines on Alec’s face are out of place as they are ridiculous.

Theo laughs. “You are such a pain in the ass.”

“And yet my ass is still empty,” Alec says, flopping down on the bed dramatically. There’s something heady about how comfortable he is in his own skin, how much he doesn’t seem to give a fuck that he’s naked beneath Theo’s sweater and his cock is exposed. It’s softened from their talk earlier, only half-hard now.

Most of Alec’s body is smooth, from his toned chest to his thighs that only have the lightest dusting of hair. Even his treasure trail is sparse, the faintest bit of hair leading from his belly button to his cock, which is nestled in a sparse patch of curls.

“You’re staring,” Alec says, hitching a knee up then tipping it sideways and exposing himself further.

It’s clear he likes the weight of Theo’s gaze, widening his legs until he’s on full display. Where Theo would recoil under the attention, Alec basks under it, dragging his hand to the hem of the sweater and pushing it until it’s tucked under Alec’s chin, his gorgeous body on display for Theo.

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