Page 79 of Cross the Line

“There was something you said last night.”

“Was it about your taste in beer?” Alec tries to laugh, but it's forced. “Or why you refused to dance with me? I’m a really good dancer, you know.”

“I know,” Theo whispers. “It’s not about that.”

“You’re being weird, Theodore.”

“I know.”

“Stop saying I know, you’re freaking me out.” Alec crosses his arms over his chest. Where Alec is normally brash and confident, now he only looks unsure. It makes him look so much younger, so much more vulnerable.

“How is your head?”

“My head?” Alec scoffs. “My head feels like I drank too much last night, so it wants to split open. My head feels like you’re being weird, which is confusing and making it hurt more. That’s what my head feels like.”

Despite the outburst, Theo smiles. He shouldn’t but he can’t stop. He likes the way Alec pushes buttons and speaks up when things are weird. He likes that Alec is always more than everyone else. He likes it too damn much.

“Why are you smiling at me?” Alec asks, narrowing his eyes. “Did you drink too much last night?”

“You’re cute.”

“I’m—of course I’m cute,” Alec huffs. “I’ve always been cute. You’re just blind as a bat, not just because of your glasses, but because?—”

“I want to help you with your virginity.”

Alec’s mouth falls open, his arms wrapping tighter around himself while he stares at Theo like he’s lost his mind. Theo can’t blame him. Being this blunt isn’t like him, and neither is offering to fuck Alec. Or maybe it is like Theo and he’s just never had the guts to say what he wanted. “You said last night you were tired of being a virgin,” Theo reminds him, his need to over-explain making him run his mouth. “And you didn’t mind when I touched you right now, and I thought maybe…maybe I could help.”

Theo’s never seen Alec so still and it unnerves him. There’s something that looks dangerously close to panic in his eyes, and Theo feels an echo of it clawing up his spine. He knows he can’t have Alec for real, knows this can’t ever be a relationship because Alec is over his little teenage crush, not to mention Theo doesn’t do relationships, but he didn’t expect Alec to react like this. He thought Alec would either happily agree or flip him off and assume it was a joke.

“Say something, please.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever asked me to talk. Usually they’re telling me to shut up or talk quieter.”

The words are like ripping off a bandaid, painful and swift, as Theo recalls a younger Alec always running and laughing. How often had someone told him to be less? How often had he smiled in the face of those kinds of requests in order to make everyone think it didn’t bother him? Theo is beginning to understand how much he doesn’t know about Alec. The scary thing is that doesn’t put Theo off or make him want to walk away. Instead, it makes him want Alec more.

“I’ll never tell you to be quiet, Alexander.”

Alec doesn’t say anything, but his knuckles are turning white where they’re digging into his forearms and the clench of his jaw is visible. Theo turns and yanks open the snack drawer under his coffee pot, shoving aside protein bars and honey sticks until he finds what he’s looking for. He curls his fingers around it before turning to pass it to Alec.

“Thanks,” Alec whispers, taking the gum and unwrapping it slowly. He twists the paper wrapper in his fingers while he starts to chew, some of the tension in his shoulders dropping. “So you’re not like…pranking me are you?”

“I would never do that.”

He starts to rip the gum wrapper, his jaw moving a mile a minute as his gaze finally lifts from the floor to Theo. He looks so damn unsure and yet he meets Theo’s gaze head-on and Theo is awed by Alec’s bravery. For his own part Theo feels mildly nauseous; his heart is racing so fast it's hard to breathe. He’s pretty sure this is a horrible idea, but he can’t stop it now even if he wanted to.

And he doesn’t want to stop it.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything serious,” Theo offers, knowing all the reasons this can't be more. This is just a way to get over his crush and make sure when Alec does lose his virginity, it’s to someone who will treat him right, not a one-off in a seedy bathroom.

“Nothing serious,” Alec echoes, his tone unreadable.

“Exactly,” Theo agrees. “You said you were tired of being a virgin, but those guys at the club won't treat you right. You deserve more.”

“I deserve more,” Alec says, chewing the gum so fast his jaw pops.

“You know you do,” Theo whispers. “You deserve more than someone who won’t remember your name in the morning. More than someone looking for a way to get off, someone who won’t care about you or your feelings or whether it’s good. Or whether it hurts.”

“Are you speaking from experience?” Alec asks carefully.

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