Page 80 of Cross the Line

Theo breathes deeply. This isn’t supposed to be about him. He doesn’t want it to be. He’s made his peace with his own bad choices.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why?” Alec challenges, taking a step closer. “Why does it matter how I fuck and not you?”

“Because,” Theo answers quietly.

Alec jabs a finger at Theo’s chest, pushing. Always pushing. “Because why, Theodore?”

“Because you deserve to have the kind of relationship you want.”

“How do you know what I want?” Alec asks, the finger turning into his entire hand. It doesn’t poke this time, just rests over Theo’s fragile heart.

Because you’re beautiful and good and you deserve love. “Isn’t that what you want?” Theo counters, unable to answer the way he knows Alec wants him to. “You want love.”

“Yeah,” Alec whispers. “I want…I want that.”

Something in Theo cracks at the confirmation. Alec wants a forever kind of love. He wants the kind of love Theo could never give anyone. Even if Alec weren’t in love with someone else, Theo couldn’t be Alec’s forever. He wasn’t made to be anyone’s forever. Not even his own parents had wanted him forever. How could anyone else?

“I’m not…I’m not the guy who can give you those things.” All Theo wants is to give Alec the kind of memory that lasts, a first time that’s special. A first time where someone treats him right so that whomever comes along later, Alec will know never to accept less than he deserves. Theo can’t be Alec’s future, but he can be his right now.

“I know, Theo.”

There’s something sad in Alec’s eyes and Theo wishes he knew what it meant. Maybe he’s thinking of the guy he likes, the guy he wishes were his first.

“You can tell me no. You can tell me to fuck off, Alec.”

“You know I wouldn’t,” Alec mutters, twisting his fingers in the front of Theo’s sweater.

Theo doesn’t know that, doesn’t understand why he would be the one person Alec wouldn’t say no to. A braver man might ask, but Theo’s already used his allotment of bravery for the day, especially since he isn’t sure he could handle the answer. He’s hurt Alec so many times and maybe none of them were on purpose, but that doesn’t change the hurt that probably still lingers.

“I know you don’t have feelings for me anymore, but that makes this easy, right? Just two friends. No expectations. No one gets hurt.”

“Just two friends,” Alec whispers.

The fingers in his sweater tighten, and for one dizzying second Theo swears Alec is gonna punch him. He doesn’t, instead rising up onto tiptoes to crash their lips together. The kiss is as unexpected as it is demanding. Theo finds himself backed up to the kitchen island, the wood digging into the base of his spine as Alec kisses him like he dances—with confidence.

CHAPTER 15

Alec

Kissing Theo. Alec is kissing Theo.

No matter how many times he reminds himself it’s actually happening, it doesn't feel any less like a dream. For all the years of fantasies, the real thing is still infinitely better than he ever imagined. Theo’s lips are soft and gentle and he tastes like coffee. It’s a goddamn miracle Alec hasn’t simply passed out from pleasure. This might be the only time Alec ever gets to kiss Theo, to touch him, and he isn’t going to waste a single moment.

Deepening the kiss, he hitches his right leg up, all but trying to climb Theo like a goddamn tree. It has the desired effect, because Theo’s massive left hand skims down Alec’s back and over his ass. Technically the sweater is blocking the skin-on-skin contact, but it’s still Theo’s hand on Alec’s ass while his tongue teases along Alec’s mouth. It might just be the single greatest moment of his life. Alec is nearly delirious with the sensory overload of Theo’s fucking huge chest and big hands.

“Alec,” Theo whispers.

There’s a choked-off moan that Alec is pretty sure came from himself, but considering the circumstances, he feels like it’s justified. Kissing Theo is a revelation and every time Theo tries to gentle the kiss, Alec demands more, plunging his tongue into Theo’s mouth and kissing him for all he’s worth, until Theo spins them around and lifts Alec up in a single movement so his legs hang off the kitchen island, bringing him eye-to-eye with Theo.

“Hi,” Alec grins.

“Hi,” Theo replies, almost bashfully. There’s a flush to his cheeks, and the fact that Alec was the one to put it there is going to ruin him forever.

“So, uh, was that a yes?”

“Oh sorry, was the tongue down your throat not obvious enough? I’d be happy to stick my tongue somewhere else, just so we’re entirely clear.”

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