Page 34 of Cross the Line

“Some of us don’t need a significant other to complete us,” Theo counters.

“‘Course not. No one has to be in a relationship if they don’t want to,” Alec agrees, unruffled by Theo’s tone. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you are in fact allergic to being in a relationship.”

Theo gapes. “I’m not allergic to relationships.”

It would be funny if it weren’t true, and if the truth didn’t serve as another reminder of why Alec can never have Theo. Alec might be young, but he knows what he wants: a partner, a family, commitment. It’s life’s cruel idea of a joke that he wants it with a man who doesn’t want those things, especially not with Alec. It should make it easier to get over Theo, but it doesn’t. Not when Alec knows exactly why Theo is terrified of commitment.

“When was your last one?” Alec asks, proud of himself for managing to sound casual while his heart shatters into a million pieces inside. It’s nothing new. Alec’s heart is a puzzle; no matter how many times it’s shaken apart and broken, it can be put back together again. Probably.

“Last what?”

“Relationship,” Alec clarifies, mentally refitting the pieces back together. He’s got to get tougher if he wants to be friends with Theo, and he does, which means it doesn’t matter if some of his puzzle pieces get lost or ruined. When he stretches his arms overhead, he can’t bite back the wince from his bruised ribs. “Damn, that’s going to sting in practice tomorrow. By the way, can I borrow one of your shirts? Mine was ruined, obviously, and while I’m sure almost everyone would love the gift of seeing me half-naked this morning, I’m not really in the mood to get kicked out of the pet store for public indecency.”

“That’s not the point,” Theo mumbles. “I’ve dated.”

“The guy from REI?” Alec says, recalling the incident with painful clarity. He’d only learned about him afterward, but he’d hated him as much then as he does now. Anyone who hurts Theo lives on Alec’s permanent bad side.

“Why do you know about Richard?” Theo gapes.

“Richard is a stupid name.”

“He was stupid,” Theo agrees with the faintest hint of a smile. “But that still doesn’t answer my question about why you know about him.”

“I know about Richard because Andrew was at Jason’s when you came over upset, and then you know how he and Charlie are. I swear those two came out of the womb unable to keep a secret from each other. Once Charlie knew, he told me because, well, it doesn’t matter why Charlie told me. The point is that it was two years ago and you haven’t dated anyone since. Just because he was a fucking asshole who didn’t deserve you doesn’t mean that all love will fail. I think love is always worth it, don’t you?”

“I think it’s sweet you think so. One day you’ll find a nice boy to settle down with and I hope it works out for you.”

The words are probably supposed to be encouraging, but they’re anything but.

“Maybe I don’t want a nice boy.”

“What does that mean?” Theo asks.

Alec’s throat tightens. It means he wants a man. It means he wants Theo. “Nothing,” Alec shrugs, kicking himself for letting the conversation get turned back around to him. “Can I borrow a shirt or what?”

“You know you can,” Theo says. “The bedroom is down the hall and?—”

“I know where your bedroom is, Theodore.”

“Oh, right.”

Without waiting for further permission, Alec lowers Rio to the floor, pleased when both the kitten and Theo trail after him.

Theo’s bedroom is dark, the heavy curtains drawn, letting only a sliver of light through them. Alec flips on the light, hovering in the doorway to observe. He’s seen Theo’s bedroom only once before when he first moved in, and while it looks much the same, there are small touches that make it look more lived in. Obviously Theo wasn’t expecting company, from the unmade bed to the stack of books on the nightstand. His dresser has a pile of glasses along with his favorite cologne. If Alec closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, he can almost smell the familiar musky scent. Theo’s worn the same cologne since high school. At one point Alec had even bought a bottle and hid it under his pillow. He’d been such a fucking idiot at sixteen.

Not wanting to be caught staring, he hurries to the closet and flings the door open. “Wow, Theodore, you have even more sweaters than I realized. Maybe you should open, like, a sweater museum.”

“I like my sweaters.”

“And they like you,” Alec says, not waiting to find out if Theo catches the double meaning. “Where the hell are all the t-shirts? I know you must have some somewhere.”

“They’re in the top dresser drawer. I don't wear them much,” Theo says. He crosses the room and pulls open the drawer. It’s wedged full of his college t-shirts and a few random plain v-neck ones. “Take your pick. They’re all gonna be way too big.”

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in, you giant.” Alec laughs.

The novelty of being in Theo’s room and being allowed to wear his clothing is not lost on Alec. This is basically every one of his teenage fantasies come true. He could just grab the first shirt he sees off the top of the pile and be done with it, but this is a chance he won’t ever get again and he’s going to take it.

Pretending to be very interested in his choices, he rifles through the shirts, not at all surprised to find them messily folded and haphazardly shoved in the drawer. For all Theo likes neat and orderly in his work and personal life, he’s not actually a very tidy person, something Alec remembers very well from the year Theo spent living with them. He was only nine then, but he definitely remembers Jason and Theo’s messy-ass bedrooms. He’d figured a lot of stuff out about himself that year.

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