Page 115 of Cross the Line

“Theodore.”

“Don’t leave me again,” Theo chokes. “You can call me on my bullshit, demand we talk, do anything you want. Just don’t walk away. Please.”

He’s never heard Theo sound so vulnerable, so afraid, and the knowledge that it’s over Alec is something he’s not sure he’s ever going to get used to. His teenage fantasies used to involve moments like this. Well, minus the near death experience and hospital thing. Back then he would imagine Theo waking up one day and realizing he was in love with Alec, and begging him to be with him. Those had been stories he told himself, born out of one-sided desire. This is something far different, and for all Alec dreamed about it, the truth is he doesn’t want it. Not when it means Theo looks so pained.

All he wants, all he’s ever wanted, is for Theo to be happy. The idea that his happiness might be with Alec is something he stopped dreaming about a long time ago.

“I won’t leave,” Alec promises. “I only left because it's what I thought you wanted.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever let myself think about what I wanted. Not really, not like this. But you leaving me was one of the worst experiences of my life.”

“And here I thought me almost dying was.”

He tries to smile but Theo just lifts his gaze to Alec’s with a pitiful frown. “Not funny, Alec.”

“I have to entertain myself somehow,” Alec sighs, pretty sure he’s going to lose his goddamn mind being bedridden. It’s been just over twenty-four hours, and while he technically might be in too much pain to get up, the fact that he isn’t allowed to is fucking with him mentally. “Unless you wanted to give me a little bit of a show. Put those massive hands of yours somewhere, you know, forbidden. Now that would be very entertaining. ”

“Pretty sure the nurses might object.”

“Spoilsport,” Alec grumbles.

Theo shakes his head in fond exasperation. “Tell you what, I’ll make you a deal.”

“A deal?” Alec says, his entire face lighting up like the goddamn fourth of July.

“Yeah, a deal.” He fixes his piercing blue eyes on Alec, intense and unblinking. Alec could drown in those eyes, wake up to those eyes, spend the rest of his life making sure they’re full of happiness. “You do everything the nurses tell you to do— take your meds, follow orders and don’t push yourself before your body is ready—and when you’re finally back home, I’ll give you a show. Any kind you want.”

Alec doesn’t even bother denying that pushing himself beyond what he’s supposed to is exactly the kind of thing he was already considering. His desire to get better and get out of here is as all-consuming as his pain, and the fact that Theo knows him so well catches him by surprise. Instead he focuses on the possible reward, willing to do anything to get it, including being a good patient.

“Theodore James, you have no idea what you’re offering.”

“On the contrary,” Theo grins, lowering Alec’s hand gently to the bed before leaning over Alec. His body is massive, blocking most of the harsh sunlight from the window. And for a few blissful seconds, Alec can pretend he’s not in a hospital hooked up to IVs and heart monitors. He’s just a boy finally getting what he’s always wanted. “I’ll give you anything you want, Alexander.”

“What if all I want is you?”

“Done,” Theo answers, lowering his lips to Alec’s in the barest of presses. He tastes like coffee, the familiar scent of his cologne making Alec’s eyes water, because this isn’t a daydream or a med-induced hallucination. Theo is really here, promising Alec the kind of future he was sure he could never have.

“I’m a greedy boy, Theodore. If you give yourself to me, there’s no going back.”

“Good.”

“I mean it,” Alec whispers, unsure when he started trembling. Never one to back down, Alec continues to push, needing to make sure Theo knows exactly what he’s getting himself into. “I’m not easy. I’m loud and needy and I don’t share.”

“I know,” Theo grins, like all of that is a good thing.

“I’m a lot, Theo. I’m always going to be a lot. I don’t know how to be less.”

“Then don’t be less, Alexander.” Theo leans his forehead against Alec’s, his breath warm and his scent soothing. “I’m not scared of you, not anymore. The only thing I’m scared of is losing you.”

“That’s never gonna happen,” Alec croaks.

“Then we agree, I want you in all your needy, messy glory and you want me despite me being a neurotic, anxious mess.”

“What a fucking pair,” Alec sniffles, unsure why he’s so close to crying when he’s so happy. “I love you.”

“Alec.”

“I’m sorry, I have to say it. I can’t hold it in, and it’s okay if you don’t say it back. I’m not going to ask you to promise anything before you’re ready, but you have to know. It’s always been you. You’re it for me, Theodore. I love you with everything I have and I always will.”

---