Page 102 of The Love You Win

“Right.”

Maddox glances at me as he pulls into his building’s parking garage. “Are you… Are you disappointed?”

Plastering a fake smile on my face, I shake my head. “No, of course not.”

“It just pisses me off the way people have been talking about you.”

“Yeah, totally.” Alex’s words play on a cruel loop in my head.

These are powerful people, Isla. They have certain standards and expectations. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to put on an act with them. You’d just be uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to feel inadequate.

Why does it feel like Maddox is using different words to say the same thing right now? And why does it hurt so much more when he says it?

“Baby, if you really want to go to the festival, we still can. Just maybe let me show you what I have planned at my place first? Then you can decide. Is that okay?” Maddox’s dark eyebrows pinch together.

I try to tell myself that this is different. He’s different. But my head and my heart can’t seem to connect. Forcing myself to smile again, I nod. “Sure. Yeah. Of course.”

Maddox is silent as he parks his car. I’m still as he climbs out and rounds the car to open my door. It’s a struggle to control my breathing. My thoughts spiral. But this isn’t my first rodeo. By the time he swings my door open, I’ve pasted the mask I perfected with Alex onto my face. And when Maddox offers me his hand, mine doesn’t even shake as I place my palm in his.

He’s tense as we cross the lobby and step into the elevator. I’m silent as the floors tick by on the LED display above us. By the time the elevator doors open, I’ve replayed the entirety of our relationship up to this point. Did I miss something? Is he ashamed of me? I know he wasn’t always, or he wouldn’t have stood up for me at that game. But I can’t be the only one who’s read the comments people are leaving on the team’s socials. Of course, he’s ashamed of me now. I embarrassed him. I made him look bad.

Maddox Graves is talented, famous, and way too attractive for his own good. He could have anyone he wants. And for a while, that was me. I should be grateful that I got this time with him.

Maddox’s fingers splay across my lower back as he guides me into his apartment. I can feel his eyes on me, so I look up at him with a smile.

“I hired a private chef to make us dinner. There are pumpkins for us to carve. I worked it out with a local movie theater to have someone deliver fresh popcorn at eight so we can have our own theater experience and watch some scary movies.” He points at the coffee table. “I got every kind of candy I could think of, and the private chef brought gourmet caramel apples.”

The rich scent of something savory and aromatic fills the space. It does smell delicious. And it’s clear Maddox put a lot of effort into the evening. Any other time, this would have me swooning. But it’s difficult to make myself forget why he went to all of this effort in the first place.

Because my boyfriend is ashamed to be seen in public with me. He’s worried about what people will say. How being with me will affect his career.

“Isla? Is it… What do you think?”

Steeling myself, I turn to the man I’m in love with. The man making my heart fracture. “This looks amazing. Smells amazing, too.”

Maddox studies my face. His eyes dart across mine, and I wonder what he sees. Does he see a woman whose world is tilting on its axis? Or does he see someone calm and collected? I hope the latter, because I can’t bear to let him see how deeply this is affecting me. “Is this okay? I can put dinner in the fridge and we can go to the festival. I just… I thought this might be better given the circumstances.”

“You’re probably right. We don’t want to give people anything new to talk about. Plus, no one’s ever hired a private chef to make me dinner before.” I rise onto my toes and press a kiss against the scruff of Maddox’s jaw. I always feel butterflies when I kiss Maddox. I feel them now. But they’re different this time. Their wings drip with dread rather than joy.

Maddox wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me tight against his chest. “You’re sure you don’t mind the change of plans? I probably should have talked to you rather than springing it on you like this, but I wanted you to see how great it could be if we stayed in.” He kisses my forehead. “Are you disappointed?”

Yes.

“No. Of course I don’t mind. You obviously put a lot of thought into this.”

His shoulders lose some of their tension. “I did. Now why don’t you go ahead and wash your hands and I’ll pull everything out of the oven and set the table.”

“Sure. Thanks.” I have to force my feet to move across his apartment and into the bathroom. The moment I close the door behind me, I suck in a ragged breath. Rubbing my chest, I stare at myself in the mirror. All of those nights with Alex were good practice because my expression is convincingly placid.

I give myself thirty seconds to drop the mask and feel the full force of my disappointment.

With my palms pressed against the cool marble countertop around the sink, I let my head hang. Every gulp of air feels like work. It scrapes like broken glass down my throat and shreds my lungs. When I look back up at myself, I try to justify all of it.

“He’s not Alex. Maddox is protective of you. He didn’t tell you because he was trying to protect you. He doesn’t want you to have to deal with the trolls. He’s not taking you to the festival because he cares about you. Not because he’s ashamed of being seen with you.”

I stare at myself. The truth of it all stares back.

I’m not good enough. Alex knew it, and now Maddox knows it, too.

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