Page 98 of Beyond the Fame

“I’m not a fish fan.”

I scoff.

“Sorry, not sorry. I am, however, a mac and cheese fan. I’d say that’s my favorite food. It reminds me of Tyler.”

She smiles, not at all sounding sad about this memory that popped into her head.

“Our parents used to work a lot when we were younger. We didn’t have a lot of money, so our meals were usually from a box or a can. Tyler’s favorite thing to cook—and probably the easiest thing to make—was macaroni and cheese. He’d always add too much milk, so it’d be more like soup. It was actually terrible, but he’d let me help and we’d dance around in the kitchen to music while cooking. He'd tell me stupid jokes, or we’d pretend we were cooks working in the kitchen of a castle, preparing to serve the king and queen. We'd have accents and everything.”

“Oh, I have to hear this accent.”

“Absolutely not.” She rolls her eyes at me. “Anyway, when Tyler got old enough to work at the Country Mart—that’s a grocery store—he’d bring home cheese and meat set to expire that night and our macaroni and cheese would be extra good because he’d add the meat and drown it in more cheese. He was so creative when it came to our boring boxed meals. He could have totally been a chef. He could have been anything and everything. A football player, a social worker, the freaking president.”

She giggles to herself. That’s another thing she does; she'll let out a little giggle when talking about something she loves, or when she’s nervous. Sometimes the giggle comes out of nowhere, as if she thought of something funny but kept it to herself instead of saying it out loud.

Because Rebecca Taylor’s mind is an expansive landscape of ideas and stories just busting to be released.

“Why haven’t you asked me about the scars underneath my breasts?”

I’m wiping down the counter and pause. The question seemed to come out of nowhere. It's obviously something she’s been thinking about for a while.

“I know you’ve seen them. You’ve definitely felt them. You always trace your thumbs over the lines when we’re cuddling.”

She’s right. I like the feel of the raised skin. “I figured it wasn’t my business unless you made it my business.” I wanted to ask her so badly, but it was never the right time to bring it up.

I start washing the pans I used for breakfast, and she joins me.

“I got implants with my first big check from the book. I’ve always had curves, but my breasts weren’t that big. In college, my body filled out more, but my boobs stayed the same. When the book came out and its success grew every day, I convinced myself I needed implants because I was about to be in the public eye a lot more. I’ve always lived a life based on how society perceived me. For some reason, I believed it would make me more desirable. Instead, it was just another fake thing about me.

“I went from a B-cup to a D-cup. Then, as I got older, I put on more weight. I finally started loving my body with how it filled out. Except my tits grew too big. My D-cup became double D’s then triple D’s.

“My back hated me, the pain became unbearable, so after Tyler’s Team finished filming, I took time off to get the implants out on top of a breast reduction. Now I'm at D-cups again.”

Now that she’s told me this, I had noticed something different about Rebecca when I saw her at the premiere for Tyler’s Team. She seemed to stand taller, more confidently. The fact that her breasts were smaller never crossed my mind. I just thought they looked fantastic in the strapless purple cocktail dress she wore.

“Well,” I begin, handing her a pan. She puts it in the drainer on the counter, “I thought you had perfect tits when we first met, and I think they’re just as beautiful now.”

She snorts. “You’re a man. You like all breasts.”

“Not true. Yours are far superior.”

We finish washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, sharing more of our favorite things. She knew my favorite movie, and hers is an old Rom-Com starring Drew Barrymore that I’d never seen called Never Been Kissed.

We talked about places we’ve traveled and places we want to go. Rebecca did a book signing tour across Canada and Europe but said she didn’t really have time to explore places like London, Dublin, Edinburgh, Paris, and Rome. I’d been to all those cities more than once, plus Switzerland, Tokyo, Singapore, and Dubai. The list goes on.

Some of those places were for film shoots, either acting or directing. Others were trips I took with Mylan. Of course, my favorite vacation was in Tokyo, learning how to make sushi from the world’s best sushi chef.

I’d love to take her to these places, if she’ll let me.

There are a lot of things we have to learn about each other and I'm hoping today is the start of many years that we’ll spend exploring these parts of ourselves—the parts that make us sad, happy, nervous, hopeful, scared, content.

Once the kitchen is cleaned up after breakfast (and we get a quickie in, in the shower) I tell Rebecca to dress in something simple, like a t-shirt and jeans.

She's not going to be wearing today’s outfit for long.

Of course, she chose a dress, but it’s a flowy one, with short, puffy sleeves. It's white and has colorful flowers on it. The neckline forms to her breasts magnificently.

We leave Rebecca’s Upper West Side loft and jump into the car I hired during my stay here in NYC. The driver heads west across Broadway and Riverside Drive and merges onto the Henry Hudson Parkway, driving toward Upper Manhattan.

---