Page 75 of Beyond the Fame

“Nothing,” I lie.

“You’ve been looking at Rebecca, longing for her attention, since getting off the phone with your parents.”

“She’s avoiding me.”

“Why do you think that?”

“She won’t look at me.”

“Maybe she’s still embarrassed about the article and having your parents help.”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

Though that doesn’t sound like Rebecca. Still, I can understand if that was true.

“You’re worried. Why?”

I forget how observant Mylan can be. We’ve been best friends for over thirteen years now and despite both of us always being busy and barely seeing each other anymore, he still knows me better than I know myself. He knows my mannerisms. He never forgot them.

“What if she won't look at me because she realizes she deserves better?”

Mylan laughs. He fucking laughs.

“Are you serious? You just spent hours on the phone helping her with a crisis... with your shitty parents I might add.”

“I thought you liked my parents.”

“Hell no. Jensen, I saw how they treated you. That’s why Rey and I came over all the time. They needed to see you had friends who loved and cared for you.”

“Wait. If you knew how shitty my parents were, then why did you always call me Jenny? You knew I hated it. It’s because of them.”

“Yes, I knew it was because of them. I was hoping you’d redirect the memories behind the nickname to me instead of them.”

I huff and look away, pretending to be interested in the row of tents with hand-crafted merchandise underneath. Mylan’s plan worked. Eventually, Jenny became Mylan’s name, not my parents’.

“What else is bothering you?” Mylan asks after a while.

My therapist told me I need to talk to my best friend more about my feelings, especially if they involve him. I'm nervous. What if he hates what I have to say and never wants to talk to me again?

“I gave up on you.”

“What?”

“When you went to rehab that third time. I gave up on you. I was selfish. Then I pushed you away again when I found out you started drinking during the filming of Tyler’s Team. You crashed into the sign at Lana’s bar. You could have died and the only thing I could think of was myself. I was letting you back in my life, then as soon as something bad happened, I shut you out.”

“You were protecting yourself. I told you I understood that in the letter. But what does that have to do with Rebecca?”

Fine. I'm just going to let it all out.

“What if I run away from her too when things get bad? What if I abandon her like I did you?”

He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Mylan, you stood up for me more times than I can count. You cared for me more than I deserved, and I turned around and left you when you needed me most. I’m a horrible person and she deserves better.”

“And what about me?”

My head snaps up to him.

---