Page 76 of Beyond the Fame

“Do you think I'm a horrible person for putting you through that?”

“No, but—”

“You were my best friend who tried to help me countless times, and I refused. I was the selfish one. You are my family. You've been my family since that first day on set for Metal & Mayhem.”

He's repeating everything he wrote in the letter to me.

“Look. We’re not horrible people. We're human and humans make mistakes. All that matters is we’re here for each other now. We have the rest of our lives to apologize and repent. We’re good.”

We’re good. It’s what we always say to each other after a disagreement or a fight. It’s what I said to him in response to the letter he wrote me in recovery. No harm, no foul. We’re good.

We stop walking while Lana and Rebecca enter a blue tent with a bunch of cute sun dresses. Mylan and I stand outside.

“I get it. Believe me. Your trust in others has been tarnished. By me, your parents, all those assholes who bullied you, the public who feels they need to comment on your body. Something good is finally happening to you and you’re letting the behavior of others convince you that you don’t deserve it.”

“What if I can’t offer her everything she deserves? What if I'm not enough?”

“You are.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “You can’t see what Lana and I have seen this entire trip.”

“What’s that?”

“Two people who are constantly aware of each other. Who are lonely and lost and have been in denial of their feelings for the past four years. Who finally see each other as an escape. You see a future with her, and I think she feels the same.”

I rub my palms over my face. “That’s cheesy as fuck, Mylan.”

He throws his head back with a guttural laugh. “What can I say? I’ve lived through it. I am living through it. And it’s the most beautiful experience of my life.”

“What is?”

“Love.”

I don’t respond for the longest time before I turn to him. “I haven’t told her about my next job.”

Mylan's eyes go wide for a brief second and I wince. “I know.”

“Maybe she’ll go with you.”

“I can’t ask her to just give up her life for a year.”

“Then you’ll have to decide what’s important. What do you want to prioritize right now? A relationship with her or your job.”

“That’s impossible.”

He sighs. “Jensen, you’ll always be a movie director. There will always be jobs lined up for you. How often will you come across a woman who looks at you like that?”

He points his chin to the tent and Rebecca glances up from the rack she’s perusing. She gives me a small, shy wave. I wink at her, and she glances down, blushing.

Mylan leans in. “That is a woman in love.”

We return to the resort an hour later after stopping at a local bakery for dessert. We ate homemade Hawaiian sweets and bought extra to snack on tomorrow. Mylan and I carried bags upon bags of clothes, jewelry, artwork, and more that the women bought from local artists and businesses. Then we said goodbye to Lana and Mylan, who have an early flight tomorrow and we won’t see them until the next time Lana forces us all to have a get-together. Ones that I pretend to hate being forced to attend, but I always leave feeling fulfilled.

There are things I need to talk to Rebecca about. Why was she acting weird this morning and refusing to look at me? I want to ask her what we’re doing. Does she want to be in a relationship with me? I want, no... I need her in my life. But I'm leaving in a month for a job that will last a year. How can I ask her to be with me when I won’t be around? As much as I want her to come with me, there’s no way she’d go. She has her own life and her own career.

I’m too scared to bring any of this up and ruin what we’ve had the past few days. Because I have plans for her tonight.

Rebecca stands near the door to her room. A room that she hasn’t slept in once this entire trip. She wrings her hands.

“What are you nervous about, Ami?”

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