Page 95 of Beyond the Bright Lights

“Well, yes—”

“So, he doesn’t need to act full time. He could take on jobs whenever he wants. One a year and be gone, what? Three months at a time? You could go with him. Take some time off. Imagine all the adventures, Lana.”

It makes so much sense, I can’t argue. I don’t say a word.

Gram opens her mouth to say something more, then snaps it shut. She stares at me for the longest thirty seconds of my life, saying more with those wise eyes than her words could ever convey.

“What’s the real reason?”

“I . . . There’s still a part of me that isn’t ready. This grief—”

Gram’s curse cuts off my words and I cover my mouth in shock because I rarely hear her drop the f-bomb.

“I’m going to tell you something and you better listen up, child,” Gram begins, her thick country twang like molasses that cocoons my body, holding me captive and forcing me to listen. “There will always be pain with grief, but there's no reason to suffer from it. You’ve let Tyler’s death haunt you for the past eighteen years. I understand it. When your mother died, I thought I would never be okay. Then one day, I was. Because I knew no matter where she was, she was at peace. Don’t you think Tyler is at peace?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then why do you keep putting yourself through hell?” She shakes her head. “Tyler wouldn’t want this for you. You should have moved on years ago.”

I gasp at the harsh words, my eyes watering. “Don’t you think I tried? The book and this movie? My grief keeps getting thrown back in my face. Moving on hasn’t been an option.”

“Bullshit.”

“Gram?” I cry.

“Lana Banana, you’re scared. I get that. You’re worried that if you move on, you’ll forget Tyler. That the love you had for him will be tarnished. You have to know that it won’t.”

My lip shakes as I let the tears fall. She’s right and I hate it. I also can’t forget Tyler’s final words to me before he passed.

You have so much love to offer, Lana. Don’t be greedy. Share it with someone special. Someone who deserves it.

Greedy.

A word Mylan likes to use. Your greedy kisses. Your greedy body begging for my touch. Your greedy cunt.

I've tried to share my love with other men but none of them were ever as special as Tyler. I keep telling myself Mylan is different.

He is different. He came into my life when I needed him the most. Now I'm ready to move on to the next step with him. I’m so scared but Gram is right. I can’t let this fear hold me back any longer.

Today is the last day of filming—a night shoot. Call time is at sunset. They’re shooting the football game. The one where Tyler collapsed. I’m picking Ginger up in a couple hours and we’re driving there. We’re going to be background actors in the crowd at the stadium. Jensen promised to place us near the front, so we’ll be in plenty of the shots.

Then tomorrow night, after everyone gets some sleep, a wrap party will be held back here in Silo at the town’s convention center.

I’ll tell Mylan then.

I’ll tell him I want to go back to L.A. with him. I want to go with him because I need a change in my life. I need to stop hiding and take those adventures Tyler and I had planned.

After tonight, there are still two weeks of production on a sound stage in Hollywood—the cancer scenes. Mylan can’t lose weight or shave his head to appear sick, so to achieve this, he’ll wear a green-screen suit paired with a ton of makeup.

Movie magic.

That will give me two weeks to figure out what I’m going to do with my bar. I need to talk to Ginger about this. Would she want to take over ownership? She’s been hot and heavy with Bruno like I have been with Mylan, but she’s already told me it has to end. She could never leave Silo, not while her mother, who has dementia, is still alive.

Giving Ginger my bar would be an honor. I know she’d take wonderful care of it. She’d continue my entrance ritual in an attempt to lower the number of drunk drivers on the roadways.

Yes, this is my plan. It’s time for me to move on with my life, and if whatever this is between Mylan and I doesn’t work out, then I had an adventure. I experienced another great love. I will always have Silo to return to. I’ll always have my family and friends.

“That’s more like it,” Gram says. I glance up at her, not realizing I disappeared into my thoughts again. “You’re smiling because you’ve decided, haven’t you?”

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