Page 139 of Tiny Fractures

“Who were you talking to?” Steve asks, his voice as tight as his jaw.

I feel uncomfortable witnessing this, like I’m intruding on a very private family conversation, and I decide to move to Ronan’s bedside to give Steve and his dad at least a semblance of space while I sit with the boy I love.

Steve was right: nothing has changed. Ronan is as still as he has been these past two days; the only indication of life is displayed on the monitor. His heartbeat is steady but low. The machine is still doing the breathing for him, his chest rising and falling automatically, unemotionally. I sit in the chair by his bed and take his hand into mine, once again struggling to warm his skin. His features are still almost unrecognizable. Though the swelling seems to have decreased the tiniest bit, the bruises are as dark, as menacing as ever.

“Stevie…” Frank starts after a deep exhale, and I watch as he seemingly deflates, his face pained. “I’m so sorry. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. It’s all wrong and I know that,” he continues, cautiously approaching his son.

Steve doesn’t move. “Dad!” he interrupts. “Just say it.”

Frank takes a deep breath, looks from Steve to Ronan, then back to Steve. “I’ve been having an affair.”

The confession is profound, and a long moment of silence follows it while I look on. My gaze moves between Steve—whose brow remains creased, his eyes narrowed—and Frank, whose relative youth is obvious. He looks not a lick over thirty. His face is scruffy and more rugged than Ronan’s or Steve’s, but just as handsome. Like his sons, Frank is tall, lean, and muscular. That masculine build obviously runs in the family.

Steve sighs loudly, shaking his head the slightest bit. “Shit, Ran was right,” he says, surprising me and obviously Frank.

“What?” Frank asks, perplexed.

“Yeah, Ran actually said something to me about how he thought you were seeing someone else. He talked about you being gone more often and for longer periods of time, how you were so much happier leaving lately. I didn’t really believe him then, until I started to think about it more, and then I thought, hmm, maybe he’s on to something.” Steve’s voice changes at the last few words, and his eyes flicker to his little brother lying still in the hospital bed.

“Oh my god,” Frank whispers, rubbing his face with both hands.

“How long have you been seeing her?” Steve asks, his shoulders relaxing a little.

“About two and a half years now,” Frank admits sheepishly.

“Are you fucking serious?” Steve asks, anger tingeing his tone.

“Yeah, I… God, Stevie, I’m—”

“So, like, is it just sex? Or do you love her?” Steve’s eyes are glued to his dad.

I listen, Ronan’s hand still in mine, my index finger gently grazing over his knuckles. I shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be overhearing all of this; I wish I had the power to become invisible.

Frank inhales, then exhales deeply. “I love her,” he says, nodding. “It started out as… as just sex, but…”

“But then you fell in love?”

Frank nods again. “Yeah. It… I know it shouldn’t have happened, but I just…. This is all my fault,” Frank says, his voice cracking. His eyes move to Ronan. “I should have been home. I should have known this was going on. I should have protected him from her.”

The pain in Frank’s voice is too much to bear, and I sit and face the boy I love as hot tears stream silently down my cheeks.

“I don’t know what to say,” Steve says, shaking his head again in disbelief. “I have so many questions, like… what’s her name? Where does she live?”

“Her name is Penelope… Penny,” Frank says, with a tiny smile tugging at his lips, his eyes softening at the mention of her, though I can tell he feels guilty for having lived this double life for so long. “She lives in Virginia. I met her about three years ago, and things just… happened.”

“When we lived in Montana?” Steve says, his eyebrows raised.

Frank nods. “Yeah. It just… It just happened. I know it’s awful; I tried to fight it, but… I just fell in love with her.”

“What was your plan, Dad?” Steve asks, studying him.

I remain silent, unobtrusive, still continuing to caress Ronan’s hand, though neither Steve nor Frank seem to mind my presence.

Frank sighs. “Honestly, in the beginning I just thought it was a fling, you know. I didn’t plan on anything, but after a while, I realized I wanted to be with Penny. On Saturday, when Ran…” He trails off, raking his hand through his dark hair. “I had called Rica at four on Saturday morning to let her know I was coming home; that I was packing my stuff; that I was going to file for divorce. I didn’t mean to disrupt her night, but I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. I felt so bad; I just needed to get it off my chest. I needed to pull the trigger, you know. I just got in my car and started driving. She was so upset. She left work while I was still on the phone with her,” Frank adds, shaking his head. “Never in a million years did I think she would… And then when I turned on to our street, I saw the cop cars and the ambulance in front of the house, and I just threw the car into park and ran up the stairs… I’m so sorry, Stevie,” Frank says, trying hard to maintain his composure.

“Holy shit,” Steve sighs, combing his hands through his light-brown hair. He sounds tired; actually, everyone does.

“Your grandmother ripped me a new one,” Frank confesses. “When I talked to her yesterday, she absolutely laid into me. I felt like I was fifteen again,” he adds with a quiet chuckle. “I know I screwed up, but I couldn’t help it. Penny is just…”

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