Page 37 of Kissing My Soulmate

I kept my face blank. “Can I help you?”

Mom stepped toward me. “I know what you must think of me. Leaving you with that man was such a big mistake. I-I’d like to be able to talk to you, explain.” She pulled out some pictures. “Your sister is married. You have a half br—”

I held up my hand to stop her. Anger filled me so fast it scared me. She must’ve seen it because she stepped back. “You need to leave,” I said quietly. “You abandoned me. My marriage almost ended because of you.” She flinched. Good.

Turning away from her, I went to my office, shutting the door behind me. I paced back and forth, feeling like a caged animal. Every bit of pain that man inflicted on me and the hurt of her leaving me and taking my sister returned.

My eyes burned and my throat ached, but I held the tears in. I wasn’t a kid anymore, I was a grown man who had a beautiful wife, and we were having a baby. They could and would not hurt me anymore.

I made an emergency solo appointment with Jefferson. Luckily, he was able to see me the next day. Greg came to my office and handed me an envelope. “She gave me this to give to you, and left.”

Reluctantly, I took it.

“You okay, boss?” He leaned against the doorjamb.

I nodded, slapping the envelope in my hand. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Greg nodded and we bumped fists. Once he disappeared, I shut the door and then sat at my desk. I held the envelope in my hand, trying to decide whether to open it or not. I ended up tossing it in the drawer.

That night I went back home pretending that everything was fine, and I should’ve won an Oscar with my performance.

My therapy session had been a lot of me talking about the feelings it brought up to see my mom again.

“It is like I’m that kid again, wondering what the fuck I did to deserve to be abandoned. She knew what she was leaving me with,” I had said.

“Are you curious to know what she had to say? Might give you some closure to talk to her, if that’s what you want.” He’d made notes in his pad.

“A part of me is curious, but then what? I’m just supposed to reconnect with them? And I have a half-brother I don’t even fucking know.”

Jefferson crossed his leg at the knee. “Jasper, only you can decide what happens. Whether you meet them or not, that’s up to you. Again, if you decide to not do anything about it, that’s up to you. You hold the power here. Nothing happens unless you say it does.” He took off his glasses. “What does Lorelei think?”

I shook my head. “She doesn’t know, not yet.”

Now, a month later, I still haven’t said anything to Lorelei. Maybe a part of me is worried she’ll push me to talk to my mom and do it before I am ready. We’ve had our weekly therapy sessions, and I know Jefferson has wanted me to talk to her.

Instead of doing that, I’ve done the mature thing and avoided her, like an asshole. I’ve used the clinic as an excuse for my absence, which is technically partially true. This past month Randall and I have decided to start looking for another veterinarian. Someone to help lighten the load, especially with the baby coming.

I will be present for my child, no matter what. I won’t be cruel like my father, and I won’t abandon them like my mother, I won’t.

***

Holding Lorelei’s hand, we wait for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound, letting us see our baby. I’m nervous as hell, but excited to finally see the baby.

“I’m so excited but scared to death.” She leans toward me.

I kiss her temple. “Me too, baby.”

The doctor comes in. “Well, hello, you two. This must be Dad,” she says as she reaches out her hand to me.

“Hi, I’m Jasper.” I take her hand, giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you.”

She smiles at us both. “Are you ready to see baby?”

Lorelei squeezes the hand she’s holding. “Yes, absolutely.”

Dr. Olson pulls a machine over next to the bed and a tech comes in. She types away on the screen and then has Lorelei put her feet in some stirrups. The doctor covers the long wand with a condom and then squirts some jelly on it.

“You’re going to feel a little bit of pressure.”

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