Page 38 of Kissing My Soulmate

I watch, both horrified and fascinated, while the doctor inserts the wand. Sure, I’ve used similar equipment but on horses, but knowing it’s to look at my baby is different. Lorelei squeezes my hand.

“Okay, say hello to your baby,” Dr. Olson says as she turns the screen toward us.

I’m frozen in place when I see the little white blip on the screen. I stroke a hand over Lie’s hair as she cries softly.

The doctor smiles at us. “Are you ready for the best part?” she asks before turning the knob on the machine.

Suddenly the most amazing sound plays through the speaker. The fast-whooshing sound is music to my ears.

I lean down, kissing Lorelei softly on the lips. “That’s our baby,” she says softly. “I can’t believe it.”

“Doing some measurements here, it looks like you’re about eight weeks and four days. I’ll print you some pictures.” Dr. Olson grabs the photos and hands them to me. She pulls the wand from Lorelei, and I help her sit up. “Any morning sickness?”

Lorelei shakes her head. “No, not at all. I mean I feel tired a lot, but we just moved a few weeks ago so we’re still putting things together.”

“The fatigue is common and usually starts to go away once you get to the second trimester,” she tells us. Of course, I feel like shit because I’ve left Lorelei to do a lot of the unpacking, while I’ve been busy at the clinic, aka…avoiding talking to her about Mom.

Speaking of Mom, I received another envelope from her, but instead of opening it, it joined the other in my desk drawer.

“Jasper?” I focus back on Lorelei, who is staring at me with a questioning look. “You okay?”

I kiss her lips. “I’m good, baby.”

“Now, if you want to find out the sex of the baby early, we can do a simple blood test, or we can do an ultrasound when you’re around twenty weeks,” Dr. Olson explains.

Looking down at Lorelei, she smiles up at me. “What do you think?” she asks. “I kind of want to know now. That way we can get the nursery ready after I hit the second trimester.”

I tip her head back and kiss her forehead. “Whatever you want.”

She turns to the doctor. “Can we do the blood test?”

“Absolutely. I’ll send the nurse in to draw your labs. It could take up to two weeks to get the results. I’ll leave you to get dressed, and we’ll see you in a month.”

They come in to draw Lorelei’s blood and it suddenly fills me with anxiety. What if it’s a little girl or what if it’s a little boy? What if something clicks in my brain and I become a monster? Rationally, I know it won’t happen, but dammit that little voice in my had is trying to creep in.

I won’t let the voice win, I can’t because not only will I lose Lie, but our baby too.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Lorelei

Slipping on my skirt, I zip it up, except I can’t get it to the top. I try to suck it in, but it’s no use. I take it off and toss it to the side. In my bra and panties, I walk into my closet, thumbing through my clothes, grabbing one of my knee-length flowy dresses that’ll hide my expanding waistline.

Audrey is starting to suspect something is going on with me, but I’m not at the twelve-week mark yet. We’re still waiting for the results to find out the gender of our baby. We had discussed doing one of those gender reveal parties, but honestly, I want this just for us.

I did think about doing a little gender reveal for only us. Maybe I’ll make a special dinner and have a small cake made, then celebrate just the two of us. I wouldn’t mind him eating the cake off me.

My sex drive has certainly increased lately, which is a shame because I’m usually in bed when Jasper gets home, and he’s gone before I get up. It’ll lighten the load for him and Randall when they hire another vet because I miss my husband.

At therapy I’ve voiced my concerns about him working too much, but he continues to tell me that it’s just for a little longer. I’ve tried very hard to hide any loneliness I might feel, because I don’t want to hurt or make Jasper feel bad.

I stand in front of my full-length mirror and turn to the side. No one can tell I’m pregnant, but honestly, the only thing I look is bloated. I’ve left my hair down today, not really wanting to mess with it because it looks amazing right now au natural. I feel like I’m getting that pregnancy glow. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

My phone pings from my nightstand and I see it’s Sadie. Sadie, whom I’ve been avoiding because I have a feeling she’ll know I’m pregnant for sure.

Sadie: I’m beginning to think you are mad at me or something.

Guilt plagues me because she has been nothing but a good friend to me.

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