Page 16 of Kissing My Soulmate

That’s only because I have been avoiding him. Although he says I didn’t force him to have sex, I still feel like I took advantage of him. Jake has been calling and texting me too. Of course, he just wants to check in with me. I haven’t shared that I’m going to therapy with Jasper.

It just didn’t feel right, plus I don’t really know what this all means. Is this to help us get closure? Is he considering children? Can I even allow myself to get my hopes up that he’s decided he wants children.

Will I constantly doubt if he really wanted them, if this happens? Shit, I feel like I’m spiraling and nothing has happened yet. Every part of me hopes and prays he wants children because I see it, he’ll make a wonderful father. The man has a lot of love to give.

“Hey.”

I start, covering my heart with my hand.

“Sorry,” Jasper says as he sits down next to me. “Did you check us in?”

I nod. “Yes, I did.”

Neither of us speaks as we wait for his therapist to call us back.

“Jasper, Lorelei?”

We both stand and follow the therapist down the hall to an office with a sofa and chairs across from it. I sit on one end of the sofa and Jasper takes the other. This distance between us is making me nervous.

“Lorelei, I’m Jefferson. It’s a pleasure meeting you.” He reaches out his hand.

I take it, giving him a quick shake. “Same.”

“What are you hoping to get out of this?” he asks me.

Shrugging, I look down at my hands as I pick at my thumbnail. “I’m not a hundred-percent sure, but I know I want children. He doesn’t or—I don’t know—didn’t want them.” Glancing at Jasper, my heart sinks when I see he won’t even look at me. “I guess I want to know if there is anything left to save or if we are really over.”

“How long were you and Jasper married?” he asks, adjusting his glasses.

I smile softly. “Three years.”

“What caused the separation?”

“I changed my mind about having children and he didn’t.” Pain slices through me. “He just gave up,” I say quietly.

Jasper turns to me. “Is that what you really think?”

I nod. “I wanted us to do this when things started shifting between us, but he refused.”

“At the time, I was certain I never wanted to entertain the idea of kids,” he says as he glances at me. “Now, now I don’t know, the idea is growing more and more on me.”

Jefferson interjects, “Lorelei, do you not believe him?”

“I’m not sure I do. I don’t understand what’s changed. What if we decide to have a baby and he decides it’s not what he wants, and I’m left raising our child alone?” My heart starts to race and I begin to break out in a cold sweat.

I stand up and begin pacing back and forth. Taking deep breaths, I try to get my heart to slow. Shaking out my hands, I run into Jasper. My chin wobbles when I look into his eyes. Without a thought, he wraps his arms around me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us. I was just so sure children weren’t something I wanted.” He grabs my face. “I just need time?”

I nod and this time when we sit down, he sits right next to me.

The rest of the session, I listen as Jasper talks about his fears about becoming his dad. I grab his hand while he shares.

At the end of our session, Jefferson looks between the two of us. “I think you’ve made good progress for your first session. This week I want you to go on a date, get to know each other again. You’re both at different places in your life, get to know each other again.”

We both agree and then we head out front, scheduling our next appointment. Neither of us says anything as we head out to the parking lot.

Jasper walks me to my SUV and opens the door. “Do you have plans Saturday?” he asks as I climb in.

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