Page 9 of Britain

We don’t say anything while we wait for our drinks, and once we have them, we sit down in front of the gas fireplace on a love seat. Again he situates me until I’m snug against him. I mean I don’t mind, but what the hell?

This is not me. Men scare me, I’m leery of men I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the way Silas just kind of takes charge, or some other force pulling me toward him. We’re both quiet at first, just sipping our drinks.

“Tell me about your day?” he asks. Silas turns until he’s facing me, giving me his undivided attention.

“I had dinner with my parents, my brother, Marcus, and his latest girlfriend. I was just getting gas and a drink before I head home. What about you?” Ugh, I’m terrible at small talk.

Silas reaches out, tugging a loose strand of my hair. He wraps it around his finger. “I put an offer in on an office space.”

“What do you do for a living?” My guess is he does advertising or works as a lawyer.

“I design learning apps. I’ve sold one so far, and am putting the final touches on the next one.” I hate to admit that I’m taken aback, because he just doesn’t look like a techy guy.

“What made you start designing them?” I turn more so we’re facing each other. My elbow rests on the back of the love seat.

“My sister’s dyslexic and I wanted something that would help her. I did web design through my sophomore year of college, and then I began working on the app. I dropped out of college. Pissed my dad off, but when I sold my first app and he saw I was going to be able to make a career out of it, he forgave me.”

“Did that help her?”

“Fuck yes, it did. She graduated high school and is almost done with college. She’s a teacher’s assistant for the special education department at the high school.”

My heart flutters when I see the evident pride on his face as he talks about his sister. I’m seriously not sure what the deal is with this guy and why I’m so drawn to him. Even after he’s been kind of a dick to me, he’s been crowding my thoughts. “That’s really cool. What are you working on now?”

He then spends the next twenty minutes explaining to me about his tutoring app. Silas uses a lot of big words, but I don’t think he does it to make me feel dumb or anything because he’s apologized twice for it already. “With the way I’m growing it’s time to expand, thus the reason for the office.”

“So you’ll have a staff, and all that?”

“Yeah, I’ve already got a couple of programmers hired on that I used for freelance work before. I figure I’ll hire an office manager, receptionist, and a couple of people to be there if the servers go down. We’ll see how that all goes, and then maybe bring on more. I’m nervous about growing and losing the quality of my work.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great. I don’t know about techy stuff, but you seem to know what you’re doing.” I grab his hand. “Your sister graduated high school and is finishing college because of you. Just think of how many other people you’ve helped. That’s fucking amazing.” I swear he blushes, because his cheeks turn a deep pink color.

I realize that I’m still holding his hand, but when I try to pull it away he grips it, shaking his head as to say, no, he’s not letting me go. “I really want to kiss you right now.” He says it so quietly I almost have to strain to hear it.

My lips tingle with anticipation…maybe? Should I tell him that I’ve got no experience? Ugh…probably. “I-I haven’t k-kissed many people.” When I say “many,” I really mean none. I expect to see judgment or a sign that he’s going to make fun of me. Instead his eyes get darker and then zero in on my lips.

Silas wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me slowly toward him. My heart begins to hammer and sweat dots my brow. He surprises me when his lips touch my forehead, and then he pulls away.

He must be able to read the confusion on my face. “We’ll take it slow.”

My breath leaves me in a whoosh. “T-Thank you?” I tip my cup up, taking a fortifying drink, and try to slow my heart. Wait, but what are we taking slow? “What are we taking slowly?”

“I’d like to take you out. I normally don’t date, but since the first time I saw you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

I like the sound of that, but all too soon the past comes to wiggle into my brain and ruin things. Fear slithers up my spine, and a knot forms in my throat. “I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I can’t tell him why—instead I quickly stand up, bolting for the door and sprinting into the parking lot to climb into my car.

I’m backing out when Silas comes running around the corner. I don’t look at him as I drive right past. I get to my brother’s house on autopilot, and I don’t want to deal with anyone right now so I quickly and quietly go around the back and in through my separate entrance.

I crawl onto my bed as soon as I reach it, lying on my back and staring at the ceiling. Hate fills me as I think of my birth mother, and that it’s her fault I’m like this. My eyes burn, but no tears fall—I won’t let them. With a frustrated huff, I get off my bed and grab my gloves off the floor. I begin punching the bag I have hanging in the corner of my room, slowly, to warm up.

Once my blood starts pumping, I pick up my speed. When I was sixteen, Marcus introduced me to kickboxing for stress release. It helped wear me out when my thoughts got too crazy. It was natural to bring it with me when I moved in with Keith and Beth.

I do some combinations of punches and kicks until my body feels like jelly. I yank my gloves off and toss them back in the corner just as there’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” I call out. My door opens and Beth pokes her head in.

“Hi, honey. Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to check on you. I could hear you punching the bag.” We both sit on the end of my bed. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, no…I don’t know.” I look at her, and she reaches out and grabs my hand. Her smile is encouraging. I tell her about Silas from the first time I saw him to today. “He’s got the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. It’s weird…when I’m around him I feel like I’ve known him forever. I feel comfortable, and you know how hard that is for me.” I close my eyes and hang my head. “He asked me out, but I said no.”

Beth wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Why would you say no? If you felt comfortable around him, wouldn’t you want to take a chance?”

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