Page 13 of Finding Hope

He watched his daughter and Shannon sign back and forth to each other. His daughter was a natural. Three weeks had gone by since the day Tessa was attacked. Tessa had been staying with her ex, Cash, ever since she remembered what happened the day their dad attacked her and Tessa couldn’t handle being in the apartment. He’d even started searching for a place to buy. It was time he and Josie settled somewhere permanently. Tessa was more than likely going to continue to stay at Cash’s.

He hadn’t been sure of Cash in the beginning, but the guy proved over and over how much he loved his sister. Shannon had been amazing through everything too—watching Josie, looking after Tessa, helping around the apartment, and even going with him to look at houses.

Jonathon knew he was asking a lot of Shannon, but if he was being truly honest with himself, he was glad he did it. If he hadn’t needed the help, he might never have seen her again, unless of course he went into the bar. He had missed her like crazy the past almost two months. He missed her smile, the way she laughed, even though he knew she was self-conscious about it. He loved the way she always smiled at his daughter with genuine affection. He loved that Josie was always excited to see her and talked about her all of the time.

Fuck, he thought to himself. Jonathon did the one thing he swore he’d never do and that was fall in love. Now the girls were signing without speaking and he was dying to know what they were saying. Every so often, they’d laugh. He was definitely going to need to learn how to do that just in case something ever happened and she wasn’t able to hear. It dawned on him, what if she couldn’t hear the baby? Shannon couldn’t wear her sound processor to bed, so how was she going to be able to hear if the baby, their baby, needed her?

He needed to work on getting her forgiveness. To let her know that he was sincere and wanted to be a part of the baby’s life. He was planning on telling Josie about the baby today. Jonathon already gave Shannon the heads up, and let her know he wanted her there when he did it. He took a deep breath and called Josie over.

Shannon sat on the recliner across from them. “What is it, Daddy?”

Jonathon grabbed Josie and sat her on his lap. “Well, Dad’s got some news for you that I hope you’re happy about.”

Josie let out an excited squeal. “Are you and Shannon getting married?” Her eyes were bright with happiness. “Are you?”

“No, baby. We’re not getting married, but Shannon’s having a baby. It’ll be your little brother or sister. What do you think about that?” Josie didn’t speak for what felt like minutes, and then jumped off his lap and ran to Shannon, wrapping her arms around Shannon’s neck.

He listened while Josie asked Shannon a million questions and then wanted to see her still flat belly. To be honest, he wanted to see it too. He’d heard her talking to Tessa and he knew she was due right before Halloween. Alex didn’t start to show with Josie until she was almost twenty weeks. It had been the easiest pregnancy and delivery. Alex even did it naturally. They were young but determined to do things right. They both had pretty shitty role models. His dad was the worst, and Alex’s just didn’t care. Come to think of it, they hadn’t sent Josie a letter or card since right after Alex died.

Jonathon shook off the trip down memory lane and watched as Shannon stood up and pulled her t-shirt up. “The baby is right here.” Shannon grabbed Josie’s hand and placed it low on her stomach. His little girl’s eyes lit up as she looked at her hand and then back up at Shannon.

“Wow! That’s so cool.” She bent down. “I know you’re too little to hear, but it’s your big sister and I really hope you’re a girl and I can’t wait to meet you!”

Shannon made a choked sound and Jonathon’s gaze flew up to her. She had a hand over her mouth and he couldn’t miss the tears that fell. “Jos, baby, why don’t you go get a drink and get Shannon some more lemonade.” His girl quickly made her way into the kitchen. Jonathon hopped up off the sofa and went to his other girl and wrapped his arms around her. At first, she held herself rigid, but he wouldn’t let go until she finally melted into him.

“I’m so sorry I was such a dick,” he whispered against the top of her head.

Shannon pulled away and wiped her eyes with her hands. “I need to go. Josie, I’m leaving.” She took a deep breath and controlled her features before Josie came back in the room. “I’ve got to get to work, but I’ll see you later.”

“Are we still going to the zoo and to get ice cream tomorrow?”

He had to work a double the next day, so Shannon was going to keep Josie until Cash or Tessa could pick her up. She barely looked at him when she was around, but at least she was there. He’d keep working on her until she finally gave in and said the three little words he knew she still felt.

“Of course, sweetheart. I can’t wait.” Shannon hugged Josie and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She made a beeline for the door.

“I’ll be right back, Jos.” Jonathon followed her outside and walked quietly behind her as she made her way to her car. When she reached her driver’s side door, she turned around.

“What, Jonathon?” She looked up at him and he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. He lifted his hand to touch her face, but she moved back, so he dropped his hand with a sigh.

“We haven’t had a chance to really talk since you told me you were pregnant. How are you feeling?”

“What did you expect me to do? You told me to get rid of this baby. Why would I tell you anything when you made it clear that you didn’t care?” She was starting to get upset and that was the last thing he wanted.

“I know what I said hurt you. I was in shock. It was just supposed to be sex…” She held up her hand as a hurt look crossed her face and then disappeared just as quickly.

“Stop. I’m sorry this baby ruined our sexual relationship. You made it very clear that sex was all you wanted from me. I was the idiot who thought that your feelings might change and I was the idiot who fell in love with someone who is still very much in love with someone else. I will never make that mistake again.” She opened her car door and climbed in, and in stunned silence, he watched her drive away.

***

The past couple of nights, Jonathon couldn’t get the image of Shannon placing Josie’s hand on her lower stomach out of his mind. He also couldn’t forget the fact that she said she loved him…sort of. It warmed something inside of him. For once, thoughts of Alex didn’t float through his mind, and then the guilt came.

“Do you think it was a good idea to tell Josie about the baby?” Hunter said from across the table.

“When would be a good time? When her belly’s big and round or when she actually has the baby?”

“Okay, I get it. What does my girl think about being a big sister?” Hunter was Josie’s godfather and was protective of her.

Jonathon smiled, thinking about her reaction. “She’s fucking excited.” His smile quickly died. “Fuck, man. What do I do? I was never supposed to fall in love with her.”

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