Page 14 of Finding Hope

Hunter looked shocked by his admission.

Every day, Jonathon was forgetting little things about Alex. What she smelled like. The sound of her laugh, and the way Alex and Tessa would giggle while watching chick flicks. It was wrong, but he still had a bottle of Alex’s favorite scent hidden in his dresser drawer so he could smell it, and smell her whenever he wanted. Jonathon knew that was bad and he should throw it out, but he just couldn’t yet.

“You know I can’t answer that for you. I really like Shannon. She’s good for you and for Josie, but if you can’t love her like she deserves, then you need to let her go.” Hunter had met her at her parents’ bar. She, of course, stayed behind the bar and treated Jonathon like a regular customer. She was friendly, but not overly so. Jonathon did notice that her best friend, Kasey, kept staring daggers at him.

He was aware she knew about them and now he was sure she knew about the baby.

“I want to try, man. She barely talks to me when she’s around. I don’t know what to do.”

His words were spoken out of anger. Jonathon hadn’t meant them, but he knew the damage was already done.

“Do you blame her? I love you, man, but you told her to get rid of the baby.” He held up his hand when Jonathon tried to speak. “Yeah, I know you didn’t mean it. That just means that if you want her, then you’re going to have to prove it to her and if you don’t, just let her go.”

After his so-called therapy session, they left the restaurant and went back to work. He needed to make a decision and it wasn’t whether to be with her or not, it was how. He would make her see that they belonged together.

When his shift was over, he drove to the one place he always went to think. Pulling into the cemetery where Alex was buried always caused a knot to form in his gut. He drove down the little road until he reached the spot where she was. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the flowers he bought and a picture of Josie and climbed out of the car. Being respectful of other graves, he wound his way through until he found the tombstone that read:

Alexandra Nicole Brooks,

beloved wife, mother and sister.

On his knees next to the tombstone, he placed the flowers and the picture there. “Hey, baby. Sorry I haven’t been by lately. So much has happened the past couple of months and I had stuff that I needed to take care of.” He told her about his dad attacking Tessa and Josie and what Tessa had to do to stop him. “Tessa’s getting better, but I hate seeing those shadows under her eyes. She’s got a good man taking care of her, so I should stop worrying, but you know me. I’ll always worry about her. Josie’s doing great in school and is quite the artist. You know she gets that from you. I can’t even draw a stick person.”

Jonathon felt his stomach tense as he prepared to tell Alex about Shannon. He knew she couldn’t hear him, but it made him feel better. The first couple of years after she passed away, he was there all of the time. His grief counselor got him down to one visit a week and from there it got a little less. Sometimes Tessa and Josie would come, or just him and Josie, but they’d visit her and decorate her tombstone.

“I have news. I’ve met someone and she’s amazing, beautiful and has such a good heart. She’s having my baby, but she’s so mad at me right now.” He told her what he said when he found out and how even though he treated her cruelly, she was still there for Josie and Tessa after their ordeal. “I know you wanted me to find someone and have more kids, but it fucking hurts. I feel like I’m forgetting so many things about you. I love her, Alex. I don’t know when it happened, but it did. I need to make things right with her.”

Jonathon closed his eyes to stop the burning. He prayed for a response from her, any response, but again nothing. After kissing the tombstone, he stood up and began the trek back to his car. While walking, something floated down in front of him. Jonathon held out his hand and a tiny white feather landed right in his palm. Closing his hand around it, he turned back to look at Alex’s tombstone, and smiled before heading to his car.

Chapter Eight

Shannon

She poured a draft beer for a customer sitting at the end of the bar. While she did so, she watched Josie color at one of the empty booths. Shannon’s dad brought the sweet little girl a burger basket a few minutes ago and sat across from her and talked with her. She was certainly making a good impression on Shannon’s family. She seemed to soak up the attention they gave her.

Tessa, Jonathon’s sister, had said that since her attack, Josie had been almost desperate for attention, but her doctor said it was normal after a traumatic experience. Shannon finished pouring the beer and took it to the customer. She was wiping down the bar top when Tessa and her boyfriend, Cash, came walking in. She stepped around the bar. “Hey, guys.” She accepted a hug from each of them.

“How are you feeling?” Tessa asked. Shannon knew that Jonathon had told her about the baby and she assumed she knew things were over between them. She made sure his sister knew that even though things didn’t work out with them, Shannon still wanted them involved in the baby’s life.

“I feel good most of the time. Sometimes I still get a little sick, but it’s not nearly as bad.” Shannon looked to the side and saw Cash sitting next to Josie and talking to Shannon’s dad. “How are you doing?”

“Every day gets better and better.” Tessa looked right at Cash while she said it, and it made Shannon smile to see the statuesque blonde so happy. Over the past year that Shannon and Jonathon were sleeping together, he always voiced his concern about his sister and her lack of a social life.

Over the past month, she’d seen Tessa and Cash together and could tell they were both madly in love with each other. She wrapped her arms around her again. “I’m so happy for you.”

They left a few minutes later, but not before Josie gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye. When she went to step back behind the bar, Shannon’s dad stopped her with a hand on her arm. He pulled her into the back and asked Michael to watch the bar, then led her to his office. Once inside, he told her to have a seat.

She’d never seen him look at her this way. “Dad, what is it?”

“Sweetheart, what are you doing? That son of a bitch told you to get rid of my grandchild and you’re still talking to him? Fuck me, and you’re watching his kid. Don’t get me wrong, because I really do like Josie, she’s a sweet girl, but she’s not your child. She’s got family. He shouldn’t be dumping it on you, especially after the way he treated you.” He knelt down in front of her. Shannon knew he could see the tears in her eyes. “Baby, you know I’m not trying to hurt you, but I just don’t want to see you get sucked into that little girl’s life only to have her father rip it away from you.”

She hastily wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes. “I love him, Dad.”

“I know, but maybe it’s time to start backing away and let them go back to their lives. You can start focusing on my grandchild.”

Maybe her dad was right. She’d helped Jonathon and his family when they truly needed it. They didn’t need her anymore and since he didn’t want her or their baby, there was really nothing left for her there.

“Baby girl, no more tears, okay?” He pulled her into a hug. “I just needed to be honest, and I worry about you.” After kissing her forehead, he sent her home for the rest of the day.

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