Page 152 of The Penalty

“He was talking about me and Adam and how happy he was that I had someone to grow up with. Then he said…having me as a son was his greatest joy and the worst thing to ever happen to him.” A bitter smile touched his lips. “Imagine saying that about your own child. Imagine feeling that way. I was only eleven when I heard him say it but I was old enough to understand what he meant.”

“But he didn’t—”

“I know. When I got older, I was able to fully comprehend the underlying pain he felt over my mother’s death. But at the time, I was just a kid.” He scowled. “It scarred me. I was angry. I felt inadequate. Like I told you, I channeled the unresolved hurt and took it out on Adam. I let it fuel me to succeed at football. All I wanted was to be noticed. I wanted to feel wanted. Football gave that to me. Cade and Bennet gave that to me. Indulging in all the temptations that came along with being a famous athlete gave that to me.” His eyes flashed. “I vowed to never let anyone make me feel inadequate again. Not even Jordan.”

Hearing that name punched a hole through my heart.

“When he finds out a person’s weakness, he doesn’t stop. Add jealousy to the mix, and he becomes a monster. He hated that I was better at football than he was. He despised that all the girls were drawn to me and not him. He would tell me I was nothing every chance he could. When I signed with the club and became one of the darlings of the league, it set off a new round of animosity. He was especially vicious when Millie and I started dating. I never understood it. I never will. The night he deliberately brought her into that room to see what Cade and I were doing…it…I hurt the person who, at the time, didn’t make me feel like I wasn’t enough.”

He paused for a quick breath.

“And now he’s hurt you. You.” A myriad of emotions ravaged his face. “You are everything to me. You see me. You see my struggles and you still…you still love me. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I will not let him ruin that. The only thing stopping me from killing him is the fact that I don’t know where the fuck he is.”

I sat in stunned silence. Too many questions littered my mind while unshed tears filled my eyes. I didn’t have to ask him if he’s ever told anyone this before. He hasn’t. The man just broke apart into a million pieces in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything other than stare at him through my stupid phone thousands of miles away.

“Xavier, I…”

“Not exactly something easy, was it?” His voice caught. “This wasn’t how I wanted to tell you. This wasn’t even when I wanted to tell you.” Xavier’s eyes flickered with emotion. “I balance on the edge of a sword every fucking day in order to keep up appearances. You shouldn’t be dragged into this.”

The quiet thickened with dread and confusion. I couldn’t form a complete thought, let alone open my mouth to say something.

Xavier’s expression stilled, almost as though he was preparing himself for the worst.

“Sorry I ended your work day on such a heavy topic. Get home safe. We’ll speak later.”

The screen went dark.

Xavier

It was funny how one moment could change a person’s life.

My one moment started at birth and set off a chain reaction that continues to this day.

“Maddox.” The goalkeeper coach yelled in frustration. “That’s the fourth one you’ve missed. Run it again.”

Training has been a disaster. My timing is off. I’m missing easy saves. My head is a mess.

This is the national team. I can’t screw this up with a qualifier coming in two days. I’ve no doubt Ashton will replace me if I don’t get my shit together.

I nodded, glancing at Cole, one of our backup keepers. He’d be more than willing to take my starting job for this match.

Determination lit a fire deep in my belly.

Losing control of my emotions was one thing. Losing control of my ability to focus and play at the highest level was another.

I refused to fail.

We started the drills again. Each time I punched the ball away or caught it, the velocity vibrated through my hands. I pushed harder with every dive and every lunge, stretching my body to its limit.

When the whistle blew to end the session, Zach walked over to me.

“You’re practicing like you got something to prove,” he remarked. “Want to run through some penalties with me?”

I grabbed my water bottle, pausing to drink. Cade and I practice penalty shoot outs all the time. Might be fun to work with Zach.

“Yeah. Let’s see how good a striker you actually are.”

Zach’s knowing smile cemented my resolve. He placed the ball on the penalty marker and kicked it. No lead up, no theatrics, just a strong kick. A brisk whoosh of air streaked past me.

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