I swing back to the bar and give it a few taps.
Stacey grimaces but quickly pours me another Jack.
The heavy boots of Nycto moving in behind me are unmistakable as I simmer at boiling point. His hand on my back doesn’t shock me, but the jerking motion of him hoisting me by my shirt up from my seat does. I stumble haphazardly as he yanks. I turn to face him, but he drags me toward the Chapel without stopping.
“What the fuck, man?”
He shoves me forward. “Walk!”
I shrug and straighten my cut, trying to gain some semblance of dignity. But I know I’m on the edge of something here. The problem is, Nycto knows it too. This was coming.
We walk into the Chapel, and he slams the door shut behind me.
“Look, I wasn’t aiming the glass at—”
“I don’t give a shit about the glass, brother. I’m more concerned about you! What the fuck has you throwing projectiles through the clubhouse?”
Letting out a heavy exhale, I slump back on the edge of the table. I need to take a load off. This shit is weighing me down so heavy. “This ain’t me, Pres.”
Nycto dips his chin in understanding and moves to the head of the table, sliding out his chair. “Sit. Talk to me.”
Groaning, I rub the back of my neck, but then move to my chair and slump down onto it. “My entire life, my emotions have been the one thing I can rely on. The one fucking thing I can control. They have been off like a switch I just flicked. My father taught me to let it go. Don’t allow anyone in. That way, no one can hurt you. Everyone is fucking equal, so no one can make you feel anything more than anyone else. No one can make you feel any-fucking-thing.”
Nycto sits back in his chair and tilts his head. “I get that. I do… I mean, it’s why we named you Void, man. You’ve been closed off to everything. So, what’s going on now? What’s happening in your head?”
I lean forward, my elbows on the table, and scrub at my face. Letting out a groan of frustration, I exhale. “Ivy. I don’t… she… fuck!”
“She’s making you feel. Breaking down the walls you spent your entire life building.”
Leaning back, my tired eyes meet his, and I nod. “I don’t know how to deal with this fucking shit. She means abso-fucking-lutely everything, and that doesn’t… I mean, it’s not who I am.”
Nycto shrugs. “Well then, who are you, Void?”
A sick bastard.
“What do you seek?” I asked the new disciple.
“Enlightenment,” she replied. Her white dress was saturated in the blood of the farm members before her. The ritual had gone smoothly. All that was left was to officially initiate her into the family.
This was my job.
Even though I was young, my father was teaching me the ways—the path to enlightenment.
My hands moved in, gripping onto her blood-soaked white dress, ripping it open and pulling it dramatically from her body. Her nakedness underneath was a sight to behold. The blood from the disciples covered her flesh, and all that did was make me hard.
This was the way.
The way of the farm.
Her fresh branding only made her more attractive. She would forever be a part of us now.
The farm.
Family.
With my ram’s head still firmly in place, I signaled to the two disciples ranked below me to start the proceedings.
They grabbed her—I don’t even remember her name.