Page 8 of Won't Back Down

I hung my purse on a hook in the entryway of the little cottage I shared with Bree and shot my roommate a look. “Are we going to talk about what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. The gigantic elephant in the room. Like the fact that Sawyer is back on-island—to stay, apparently—and the first thing he did was seek you out.”

If only.

I rolled my eyes. “The first thing he did was come to Aubrey’s birthday party. That had nothing to do with me.”

“Except his eyes stayed glued to you the entire time, and I’m pretty sure there were points at which he was eye banging you.”

My mouth fell open. “He was not!” Sawyer didn’t think of me like that. Not that I really had any idea what that would look like. I wasn’t exactly adept at reading social cues at the best of times. “Besides, who would do that at a kid’s birthday party?”

“A guy who hasn’t seen the object of his attraction in two years.”

My foolish heart leapt at that. But I absolutely couldn’t let myself believe any of this. Because believing would give me hope, and that was the last thing I needed. Of course, I’d always been a little bit in love with Sawyer. It was practically in the little sister handbook that I’d fall for at least one of Jace’s friends. Sawyer had always been sweet and patient with me, naturally accommodating my social anxiety in a way that never made me feel like the freak I’d so often been accused of being. He’d treated me like a person, not some annoying little sister tagging along, so, naturally, it had been him. And then he’d become my very real hero, risking his life to save mine.

I’d never had an opportunity to even contemplate whether there could be something more between us because, back then, I’d been too young for him, and he was absolutely the kind of noble guy who’d have rules about what was and was not appropriate with his best friend’s baby sister. Then my parents had dragged me away, and by the time I’d fought my way home at eighteen, I’d been so damaged, my only focus had been on getting through one day and then the next. There were still days I couldn’t look past what was right in front of me.

“Nothing to say to that?” Bree prompted.

“I didn’t realize you’d asked a question.”

This time, she was the one who rolled her eyes. “How are you feeling about all of this? I know you two are friends. I also know that’s not all he is to you.”

I still cursed the pitcher of strawberry daiquiris that had loosened my tongue enough to tell her that about five years ago. Having a girlfriend to confide in had seemed like a good idea at the time, and Bree had her own secrets around the Wayward Sons.

“I don’t have any idea how to feel. Furious that he was hurt and didn’t tell me. Relieved that he’s out of the Navy, so he isn’t likely to get hurt again.” Worrying about him and the rest of them had become standard operating procedure for all of us. That was what it meant to have family in the military. But it was more with Sawyer, because everything had always been more with him. For me, anyway.

“He’s finally home. You should talk to him. Do something about this torch you’ve been carrying all this time.”

Feeling backed into a corner, I dropped onto the sofa next to Roy. “Because that worked out so well for you?”

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them, even before I saw Bree’s flinch. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Bree twitched her shoulders as if she could just shrug off the unpardonable attack I’d made. “We’re not talking about me. I’m the one who’s been on the outside all this time, remember? I’ve seen how you two look at each other. If your parents hadn’t taken you off-island, and he hadn’t gone and joined the Navy, I feel like nature would have taken its course long before now. But here we are. He’s back, and you’re here, and he wants to help you.”

Yeah, he did, and I didn’t entirely know what to make of that, other than it was just the sort of guy he was.

I was pitifully relieved that he was going with me up to the house tomorrow. I hadn’t been able to make myself go back since I’d found my grandfather, and his body was taken away by the funeral home. I hadn’t been able to face it or the fact that I was expected to get the whole place ready to open up for the town to come by and pay their respects. Because I was the last Sutter. Literally, since I’d changed my name the moment I legally could. I’d wanted to put as much distance between me and my parents as humanly possible.

And now they’d be coming back to Hatterwick. I couldn’t begin to express all the ways that terrified me. But I didn’t want to discuss those fears with Bree. I didn’t want to discuss them with anybody, because that would require admitting what had happened to me during those two years I was away from Hatterwick. I didn’t talk about that. Not ever.

What I really wanted—perhaps foolishly—was Sawyer. The comfort of his arms. It had been so hard not to give in to that urge to burrow in and hold on when he’d hugged me this afternoon, because no matter how far apart we’d been, he still instinctively felt like my safe place. God, I missed real hugs with him. But everything between us was weird and awkward. Nothing had been quite right since I nearly drowned. We were friends. In some ways, we were extremely close. In others, we might as well be strangers.

Of course, a lot of that was on me. I hadn’t let him see my dark side since I came back to Hatterwick. He carried enough guilt over what had happened that night. I might not be able to remember what the hell that was, even now, but I knew in my soul it had nothing to do with him. If I did nothing else, that was something I’d finally make crystal clear—that he bore no responsibility and absolutely needed to forgive himself, because I’d never blamed him. God, when I thought of what he’d risked to swim out and get me? That was a debt I could never fully repay.

“I’m just saying… you deserve a shot at happiness. Both of you. Who’s to say that isn’t with each other?”

I blinked the room back into focus. “I have too many other things to worry about just now. And you need to get to work.”

Not that it would take her more than five minutes to walk down to OBX Brewhouse, the bar she’d taken over from her grandfather. Ed hadn’t fully retired. He liked being part of the community too much. But Bree was the one responsible for the expansion into a microbrewery, which had become a destination in and of itself on Hatterwick. Her staff ran like a well-oiled machine, so technically she didn’t have to go in tonight. But I wanted an end to this well-intentioned attempt at interrogation.

She bit back whatever she’d been about to say. “Lock up after I go. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“I’ll probably be up and out before you’re awake.” Owning a bar, she tended to keep late hours.

“Fair enough.” She grabbed her keys. “But I’ll see you at some point tomorrow.” The implication being that she wasn’t letting this whole thing go for more than the night. Fine. I’d take whatever reprieve I could get.

After she’d gone, I did as ordered, throwing the deadbolt. When I turned from the door, I found Roy staring at me.

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