Page 56 of Allegiance

“She said no because she didn’t think you’d ever love her enough. You’re a flight risk, Dakota. You proved that. You ran when your partner died. Oh, you call it avenging her death, but you ran. You ran when Elizabeth broke up with you. You run and run and run…”

He said one thing.

“I’m broken.”

Ethan did what he did best.

He stopped the pity party. He’d had plenty in his life to spot one a million miles away.

“Here’s a little newsflash, Mr. Rakin. We’re all broken. You’re so hung up on the guilt of Sarah’s choices, that you’re willing to throw a family away. You’re willing to throw a woman, who makes you finally feel, to the wayside. I see how you look at her. I know the truth. You’re in love.”

He said nothing.

Well, Ethan wasn’t holding back.

“You’re willing to throw a baby away. A baby you made in anger, rage, and hate. Those are the things you let yourself feel. You are your own worst enemy, Dakota. Now, you are at the crossroads, and you have only two choices. Run toward and own it, even if she never loves you back, or run away, and blame her for one more shit episode in the shitshow that is your life.”

He flinched.

“You don’t understand.”

That made Ethan laugh.

Was that so?

“Know why I’m talking to you and not Elizabeth?” he asked. “Because I do understand. I was you, Dakota. Only, I was in my early twenties. I hated the world. I hated everything but the rage. I lived for that. I feasted on it. I became a monster to anyone who showed me kindness because I believed I didn’t deserve it. Only one person got through to the young me.”

Dakota stared at the house.

Ethan was honest.

“It was Gene. He loved me for me, and I still let him go. I let someone who made me feel alive leave because I was a selfish asshole. It worked out, thankfully, and I was actually meant to be where I am, but you won’t let that rage go. You’re willing to leave people who love you and a woman who does too.”

Dakota couldn’t breathe.

“I’m angry,” he whispered.

“At who?”

He paused a second.

“At me.”

“For?” he asked.

The truth came out.

“For not being what Sarah needed. For not having the balls to break up with her, send her back, and walk away. What we had was a mistake,” he said, so softly that he wasn’t sure Ethan heard it. “What I began out of loneliness was a mistake.”

And there it was.

The psychologist in him knew that was the first step. You had to admit your mistake, own the truth, and then begin healing.

He patted him on the back.

“If it makes you feel any better, Sarah was beyond help,” he admitted. “Dakota, she was damaged. You didn’t do that. Life did that. She was being watched because we knew she was dangerous.”

The words registered. Only, they didn’t make him feel better. Eve, a woman he fell hopelessly in love with, and had the common sense to send away, was trapped because of his rage.

---