Page 58 of I Still Love You

I nod and turn my head away. “I should get going. Thank you for this, for having me come out with you and your friends tonight. It means a lot.”

One quick squeeze of my hand, and he lets it go. Just like that, whatever pieces of him I had, are gone. “No matter what the future holds, Layla,” he says. “Just know how fucking sorry I am that you have to live a life without your dad being present for most of it. Know from the deepest recesses of my heart how horrible I feel over how I’ve treated you. That’s not the person I want to be, and in the future, it’s not who I will be.”

My heart squeezes at Luke’s apologies, and all over again, my heart cracks. It breaks knowing there’s nothing I can do to bring my dad back. And it breaks knowing I gave up a life with a man who loved me so deeply, who would risk losing his job and spending time in jail to protect me.

25

Luke

We’re lucky as shit.

The weather, overcast with light clouds, cloaks the blue sky and hides us from the temperature of the sun, making it the perfect day for our Pledge of Commitment baseball game. The Quentin Wolves are here, ready to support Regional and bring in the big bucks from their presence alone. You’d be surprised who comes out of the woodwork when someone famous is nearby and who’s willing to get out the checkbook to make themselves superior.

“You ready to get your ass handed to you?” Tilly questions, walking up next to me. Granted, he is one of the best first basemen on this side of the country. He rests his arms over the fence that separates the dugout from the catcher’s box and looks out over the field like I am.

I ring my watch around my wrist, mesmerized by the even lines on the field and how the grassy area extends. Everything is ready to go. In forty minutes, we’ll be out on the field, raising money for the hospital and sweating our balls off. “We beat you last year,” I remind. “Why would I be worried? You’re down two players.”

“Down two players or not, we’re the pros.”

“You’ll talk yourself up any chance you get, won’t you?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I?” He looks out toward the pond where the families of hospital staff and team members slop in the water. It’s on the other side of the field, a nice distance away, but the high-strung netting doesn’t block the view. “One of these games, we need to get on the same team. Me and you, we’d whip their asses.”

It’s true. My baseball skills have improved since the first time we were on the field. Hell, since the first ball I pitched in junior high. My expertise, rather, remains better off the field. “Whatever you say, Til.”

He elbows my arm and looks back to the dugout. “Your woman here? She works for the hospital, right? Talk about a damn good fantasy.” He bites his lip and grunts, a glimmer glossing his eyes in a way that makes me want to slap him upside the head. “Please tell me she has one of those nurse outfits she likes to wear for you.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“We’re guys, Luke. All we think about is sex. Unless you’re telling me, you don’t. When was the last time you got laid?” he asks, clicking his tongue. “I woke with Holly’s head under the sheets this morning. How’s that for a fantasy?”

Can’t say I’m surprised by how often Tilly praises her sexual appetite. Still, I don’t want to hear about him getting head. “Christ, Tilly. I don’t want to know that shit. Nor do I want to hear you go on about Layla and nurse’s outfits.” Not that I don’t want that picture in my head. I just don’t want it put in my head by him.

He chuckles and moves a hand to my shoulder, squeezing. “What? She not quenching your thirst? Has it been too long? Maybe you should go find her and have a quickie in the bathroom before we get started.”

I shove him. “Get the hell off me.”

“Go on,” Tilly encourages, still grinning at me like an asshole. “I’ll cover you for the five minutes it takes. Find her and ask her to help you out,” he presses, a gleam in his eyes that tells me he’d like to do the same, that he’d like to whisk Holly somewhere private and let her have her way with him. “I’ll go find her for you if it helps.”

My hand darts for his arm when he twists to leave. I inhale and ignore the pang of guilt that comes. I don’t want to say it. Whether our relationship was real or fake, it still hurts knowing I put an end to it. “I broke up with her.”

“Why? She’s hot. Holly thinks so, too. Shame there’s such a thing as a bro code.”

He’s lucky I like him and have been actively working to control my anger. “We just did."

Jett’s the only one who knows the history between Layla and me, and I’m not about to bring it to light. Tilly says enough off the wall shit, and the breathing techniques I’ve been relying on when I get worked up wouldn’t be enough to settle me down if he said something out of line. It’s clear Layla is my weak spot. Last thing I want is to ruin a solid friendship when sharing the specifics of our past isn’t necessary. Not that I’d reach out and put my hands on him willingly, but I’m having a hard time trusting myself these days.

“Mutual?” he questions, curiosity sparked. “Who started that conversation? Her?”

“No. It was me.”

“Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense. You and Jett don’t understand the concept of relationships.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs. “You fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em.”

“I haven’t been with enough women for your theory to hold true. There’s no fucking ‘em and chucking ‘em happening over here.”

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