Page 70 of Holding On

"I don't know." She smiles. "We're in a bed. There's only so many things you can do in a bed and we've done them both."

"Doesn't mean we can't do them again." I reach over and pull her on top of me.

She glances back at the TV I have hanging on the wall. "Or we could watch TV."

"Is that really what you want to do?" I ask as I kiss her.

She doesn't answer, her hips circling over me, making it clear what she wants. I want to flip her over and thrust inside her but my damn leg won't let me, so I let her take the lead again. It's not that I'm complaining. Like I said, she knows what she's doing, and this way I get to admire that beautiful body of hers.

Afterward, we lie there quietly, not feeling the need to speak or do anything more than just be next to each other. It's nice. Peaceful. I feel calm. Relaxed. I feel that way a lot when I'm around her. Like I can be me and not the Ethan everyone else expects me to be. The star athlete who always has to be on. Always pretending that football is all that I am, when in reality I'm more than that, at least I think I am. Truthfully, I don't know who I am without football, which is depressing. And stressful. And yet when Becca's around, that stress seems to go away.

I smooth her hair as she lies on my chest. "Stay with me tonight."

"I have to work late."

"Just come here after work."

"I can't. If I did, Mike would be all over my case about it. I told him we're just friends."

"So tell him we're more than that. You're an adult. You don't have to report to your brother."

"It's not that simple. He's very protective and he...well, he doesn't trust you."

"He doesn't even know me."

"No, but he knows who you are and he knows your reputation."

"Which is what?"

"That you sleep around."

"I don't sleep around. Just because I haven't had a lot of long term relationships doesn't mean I have one-night stands every weekend."

"But you've had them before."

"Well, yeah, but that's true for every guy on the team. You drink too much and you end up going home with someone. That's not what this is, Becca. I'm not using you for sex. I like you. A lot."

"And I like you, but Ethan, we both know this isn't going to last."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"Because you're graduating next year. And after that you'll be a professional athlete, traveling all the time. And I'll still be here, or maybe I'll be back in school. The point is, we're heading in different directions. And I'm okay with that. I never planned for this to continue beyond the summer."

"I don't want to limit it like that." I run my hand under her chin, my thumb skimming over her mouth. "I really like you, Becca. You aren't like other girls. I feel like I can be myself around you."

"We still have different goals. We're still heading in different directions."

"That doesn't mean this can't go beyond the summer. I want to keep seeing you. Getting to know you."

She's quiet, her head lowering back on my chest.

I smooth her hair. "Let's just try this. Without worrying about what comes next. Will you do that?"

She looks up at me. "Okay, but if we're dating, we should go out, even if it's just to get something to eat. We can't spend all our time in this house."

I sigh and rub my hand over my face. "I'm not ready."

"Everyone knows you hurt your leg. I don't see what the big deal is."

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