Page 51 of Holding On

"Hold back," I say. "And you?"

"Go for it," he says, his eyes locked on mine. His hand lifts to my face, gently cupping my cheek. "Soft or hard?"

I swallow, my heart pounding. "In regards to what?"

He lowers his mouth so close to mine that I feel his breath. "How you like to be kissed."

I close my eyes and whisper, "Surprise me."

And he does. His lips brush against mine in soft, light kisses that gradually increase in pressure as his hand moves to the back of my head, gently pulling me closer. I turn my body toward his and place my hand on his chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath. His tongue nudges open my lips and I willingly part them, wanting more.

Before I can think about what I'm doing, I find myself lifting up, trying to get closer to him. His hands move to my waist, pulling me up even more. At first I resist, but then follow his lead and climb onto his lap, straddling him. We continue to kiss, but this time it's even hotter because I feel him beneath me. I feel the heat from his body. The hard muscle along his abs and chest. The bulge in his shorts.

It's clearly been too long since I've been with a guy because I'm aroused to the point that I could have sex right now on this couch. But I won't. It's too soon for that, and I'm not someone who has casual sex. I prefer to be in a relationship, which isn't going to happen with Ethan.

The longer we kiss, the more I consider changing my mind about the casual sex thing. Maybe this once I could make an exception.

Just as I'm thinking that, Ethan breaks from the kiss and leans his forehead against mine. "Stop or keep going?" Before I can answer, he says, "What do you do when you want to keep going but know you shouldn't?"

"Stop?"

He chuckles. "Are you asking me or telling me? Because if you're asking me, I think you already know the answer won't be to stop."

"But we should."

"Yeah." He sighs. "We should."

I climb off his lap and sit beside him. He puts his arm up and I snuggle against his chest, as if we're dating. As if he's my boyfriend and we've been together for months. And for some odd reason, that's what it feels like. Like we're a couple. Like I've known Ethan for months. And I think he feels the same way about me. But why would we feel that way? It's too soon. It doesn't make sense.

We don't talk about it. About the kiss, or how we feel, or where we go from here. Instead we finish the movie and when it's done we find another one to watch.

I stay until midnight, and when I leave, I don't want to. But I do, and on the drive back to my apartment, I realize how hard I'm falling for Ethan. It's not just our attraction to each other making me feel this way, but the fact that we shared so much of ourselves tonight. In the past, my longest relationship was six months and I didn't share anything personal with that guy. And yet, after knowing Ethan just a few days, I've already told him some of my deepest secrets. And he's told me his.

"Another late night," Mike says as he sees me walking in.

"You don't have to keep waiting up for me." I toss my keys on the kitchen table. "I'm 21. I'm not a kid anymore."

"I have to make sure you get home safe." He meets me in the kitchen. "So? What happened? Are you guys dating now?"

"We're not dating. We're just hanging out." I get a glass and fill it with water.

"Hanging out could imply a lot of different things."

"Well, it doesn't. We hung out. Watched movies. Had pizza. That's it."

"Did you kiss him?"

I roll my eyes. "I am not going to answer that."

"Which means it's a yes."

"I never said that."

"But you can't stop smiling."

"I am not smiling," I insist, but then feel myself smiling. "Maybe I'm just in a good mood."

"Because you kissed Ethan Baxter. But that better be all you did."

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