Page 103 of Holding On

"Maybe, but I only have so much self control so you can't be touching me like that. At least not yet. First let's talk about what happened. Are you upset because your mom's marrying that guy or because she paid for his kids' college?"

"Both." I sit back. "But mostly because she paid for their college. Those aren't her kids and yet she treats them better than Mike and me. It's just like Mike said. She only did it to get on Jim's good side. To get him to marry her."

"So she never offered to help you with college?"

I roll my eyes. "Are you kidding? She didn't even offer me money for food. After my dad died and I paid off all his debts and paid for the funeral I had nothing left. Mike was stationed overseas and sent what money he could but it wasn't enough."

"You really lived out of your car?"

"Just for a few weeks. It was actually my dad's car. It was old but it worked and luckily it was summer so I didn't freeze to death living in it. And it got me to my three jobs."

"You had three jobs?"

"I needed money and I needed it fast so I could get a place to live. When I got my first paychecks, I found a room for rent. It was in a bad part of town but it was cheap."

"And your mom knew about this?"

I nod. "Before I got paid, I was so desperate for food money that I called her. I asked if I could just have a hundred dollars. She yelled at me for calling to ask for money so I hung up and never called again."

"So when she refused to give you money, what happened? You just kept working until you saved enough money for school?"

"Yeah. It took me about a year."

"But if your dad hadn't died, you would've started school right after high school."

"That was the plan. But plans change."

I've accepted that now, but back then I was so angry. I was mad at the world, the universe, at life in general, for taking my dad and leaving me with nothing. Then Mike got hurt and I never felt sorry for myself again. If he could go through all that and come out okay, then I had nothing to complain about.

"You were accepted to University of Chicago?" Ethan asks.

"Yeah, but it was too expensive so I decided to go to Ohio State. Dad had saved enough for the first year but then he died and I had to use the money for the funeral and medical bills and I ended up broke."

"Why University of Chicago? Why'd you want to go there?"

"I wanted to go into social work and they have a really good social work program. My grades in high school weren't that great so I was shocked when I got accepted but they said it was because of the essay I sent in. It was based on a paper I wrote for school about how after school programs have been proven to reduce crime among teens. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Even though I got accepted, I couldn't afford it."

"If you want to be a social worker, why'd you go to school for nursing?"

"Because I could get a degree in two years and start working. I didn't have the time or money to get a four-year degree. Maybe later, once I've saved enough, I'll go back and get a bachelor's degree, but for now, the two year degree will at least get me a decent paying job."

"But it's not what you want to do."

"Maybe not, but it'll pay the bills and I won't have trouble finding a job. And it's not like I hate it. It's just not my first choice."

"Then don't do it."

"Of course I'm doing it. I'm almost done with school. I only have a semester left."

"You keep telling me to not play football if it's not what I really want to do, so why won't you follow your own advice? If you don't want to be a nurse, then don't do it."

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just not what I thought I'd be doing. But plans change and I'm okay with that. You can't compare the two of us. My job will just be one part of my life, but being a professional athlete is more than a job. It's a lifestyle. It takes up all your time, even when you're not playing. So if you don't like it or don't want that lifestyle, you have to seriously consider not doing it, even if it means giving up millions of dollars."

"Well, if I end up in the pros, you can go to school wherever you want. I'll pay for it. Tuition. Living expenses. All of it. I'll even buy you a car." He smiles. "I think you'd look cute in a Jeep. Or some kind of convertible, top down, your hair blowing in the breeze."

I shake my head. "You're not buying me a car. Or paying for college. And you're not playing football just for the money. You need to think about this, Ethan. Soon the team will be back for practice and the pressure's going to be on you to play."

"The pressure's already there. It never went away. Even right after the accident, when I was still in the hospital, I overhead my dad telling the doctor I had to play ball again. He was practically threatening the guy, as if the doctor had any control over how fast my leg would heal."

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