Page 104 of Holding On

"What about your coach? Is he pressuring you?"

"Yeah, but only because he thinks he's helping. Coach is a good guy. He wouldn't pressure me unless he thought I needed it. And since I haven't told him differently, he thinks I want to play pro ball, so he'll do what he can to help me get there. He'll push me because he thinks he's helping me reach my goal. Unlike my dad, Coach actually supports me."

"Then why have you been avoiding him?"

"Because until I know what I want to do, I don't want him trying to put me back on the path for a pro career."

"Are you getting closer to making a decision?"

"Yeah, and I keep coming back to football. It's all I know. Like I've said before, I love the game. I just don't like all the pressure. And honestly, as stupid as it sounds, I don't like my dad getting what he wants."

"You can't not play just to piss off your dad."

"I know. That's why I said it's stupid. But the thought still crosses my mind. He's going to make millions off me and that pisses me off. Even though he paid for me to have the best trainers in the business, that doesn't mean he owns me and my career, but he disagrees. He thinks I owe it to him to do this."

"If your dad wasn't a factor, would you want to play professionally?"

"If you'd asked me that before the accident I would've had no doubts about playing pro ball. But after almost getting killed, and watching three people die right in front of me..." He shuts his eyes a moment and takes a breath. "Football just doesn't seem that important anymore. The money. The fame. It doesn't excite me like it used to."

"Then what does?"

He shrugs. "Haven't figured that out yet."

"Would you ever want to coach?"

"Coach football?"

"Yeah, like maybe coach high school or be a college coach?"

"Huh." He pauses to think. "I've never really thought about it. I don't know if I'd make a good coach."

"You're kind of already a coach, aren't you? I mean, you lead your team. You said yourself how you get your guys back on track when they lose focus. That's coaching."

"I guess in a way it is."

"I personally think you'd make a great coach."

"Maybe. Anyway, going back to you, what are you going to do about your mom?"

"Stop talking to her."

"What if she calls?"

"I won't pick up. And after today, I doubt Mike will either. I think she lost both her kids today. But at least she still has her twin boys." I roll my eyes, imagining what these guys look like. All I can come up with is a younger version of Jim, with more hair and no potbelly.

"You feeling any better?" Ethan asks.

"Yeah. A lot. Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime." His hand goes behind my neck and he pulls my mouth to his for a kiss, then says, "So now that we've talked, we can do other things."

"Like the things I wanted to do earlier?"

"And more." He smiles against my lips.

"What does that mean?"

"Get in my room and you'll find out."

We spend the rest of the day in bed and Ethan introduces me to some things I've never done before. Things I want to do again, because holy crap, I didn't know sex could be that good. I've never been with someone as experienced as Ethan, and I get the feeling he has even more tricks up his sleeve. I'm game. I trust him, even more now than before.

Today we shared a lot with each other. Our dreams. Our struggles with our families. Our fears about the future. And sharing all that brought us closer and made me trust him, which scares me. Trust is something I don't give out to just anyone. People have to earn it, and if they mess up, they don't get it back. So I hope I'm right. I hope I can trust Ethan.

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