Page 9 of Still Love You

"You're not bruised." I sip the milkshake and watch as he lifts his shirt up. I bite down hard on my straw. Holy shit, his abs are amazing! He had decent abs before, but now? His abs—his whole body, really—is in a whole different league. The league with the hot men you see on calendars or underwear ads. I was never really into guys with big muscles, but Silas with big muscles? I feel the need to fan myself, despite the cool breeze blowing past us.

"There'll be a bruise there by tomorrow." He lowers his shirt and picks up a wad of fries, stuffing them in his mouth. He's even sexy when he eats. How is that possible?

"You can finish it." I offer him the milkshake as I eat the rest of my burger. "I'm getting full."

"So what should we do tonight?" He wads up his burger wrapper and tosses it, landing it in the trash bin.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to see a movie? Or we could go to the park. The outdoor movies have started for the summer. They're showing old black-and-white horror films this year."

I stare at him. "Silas. We're not going out."

"I know we're not going out as in going out, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out as friends."

I'd love to just hang out with him like we used to, but I can't. It's too hard to be around him.

"I can't," I say, but then quickly regret it. I feel bad turning him down. He's trying to make an effort here. Trying to be friends again, even after I broke his heart.

"You can't tonight? Or ever?" I hear the sadness in his voice.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out." I grab a napkin and wipe my hands.

"Do you have other plans?"

"No."

"So you're just going to sit at home all night with your parents?"

I hadn't really thought about what I'd be doing tonight. I guess I should be going out, but I haven't stayed in touch with my friends from high school. I'd feel kind of strange just calling them up after all this time and asking them if they wanted to do something.

"I'll probably just go to bed early," I say. 

He nods, like he's accepted my lame excuse, but then says, "We're going out." He gathers up our remaining trash and takes it to the garbage can.

"You can't just decide that for me."

"You can't sit at home all night on your first night back from college. And I'm bored. I want to get out."

"Why don't you go out with Trent?"

Trent was his friend from high school. They didn't go to the same school. Trent went to my high school, a public school, and Silas went to private school. It was really more like home school, taught in a house by a lady who used to teach public school but didn't like their teaching methods so left and started her own school.

I went there when I was younger. That's how I met Silas. I called it hippie school because there were no rules. You learned at your own pace, and if you wanted to play outside all day, you could. The lack of structure drove me crazy, so the summer before my freshman year, I convinced my parents to let me go to public school. I was a cheerleader in high school and Silas used to come to the football games and we'd go to parties afterward. That's when he met Trent, who was a linebacker until he got injured during his senior year. Silas and Trent hit it off and became good friends.

"Trent's got a new girl," Silas says. "She's taking up all his time."

"He just got home from college. How'd he get a girl so fast?"

"He's been home for a week. He met her last week when he was at the park for the outdoor movie. He said the place was crawling with single girls."

So if Silas goes there alone tonight, he'll probably meet someone. Some other girl. Dammit. I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to see him with someone else. I thought I was, but the sick feeling in my stomach right now is telling me I'm not at all ready for that.

"Okay, I'll go," I say, getting up from the table.

He grins. "What changed your mind?"

"Nothing. It just sounds fun. I like outdoor movies. We used to go to them all the time."

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