Page 130 of Still Love You

By the end of the call I feel a little better. Even if I don't go back to Camsburg, Lilly and I agree that we'll still be friends. She's not that far away so we can still see each other and we can talk on the phone all the time.

The next week I spend at home, working on a plan to save the farm. I start by going through my parents' bills. Ron, their hippie accountant, had already made spreadsheets and run different scenarios for paying off their debt. It's all well thought out and much better than I would've done. Now I feel bad for saying Ron was an idiot. When did I become so judgmental? People used to judge me for having hippie parents and I hated it, yet here I was, judging Ron's competence based on how he dressed.

If my parents use my college fund, they could pay everything off right away. Or they could use just part of the money and pay off their debts in increments, using money from the farm as well. The farm has been profitable so far this year, but we need to get more income out of the land. After doing some research, I found that flowers are the way to go. Silas originally came up with that idea and it was a good one. The profit margin is much higher on flowers than on vegetables. Silas already planted some but we need to plant more.

Next, I work on a plan for marketing. Silas finished the logo last week and it looks great. It's fresh and modern and fits our brand. We're going to start using it on signs and on the product labels for the beauty products my mom and I are developing. Based on our success at the vendor fair, we've decided to sell more soaps and lotions. And I've convinced my mom to charge more for her homemade granola. She was practically giving it away before.

On Saturday, I go to the farmers' market with my parents. I haven't worked at our booth since last summer and I've kind of missed it. I like seeing people get so excited about our products. And now we've added our all natural beauty products, which were a huge success. We sold out in the first two hours. I couldn't believe it. Now I can't wait to go home and make more and come up with new varieties.

This past week, I've barely slept and I'm not even tired. Working on this plan to save the farm has filled me with energy. And by developing this new line of beauty products, I feel like I'm actually making a difference. Seeing my efforts paying off is exciting and makes me happy. The only thing that would make it better would be if Silas were around.

I haven't seen Silas since last Saturday night when we said goodbye at my door. He hasn't called or texted or stopped over. He's doing what I asked, leaving me alone to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. But God, I miss him. It gets worse every day. I've almost called him about a million times. And I keep walking by his house but won't let myself go up to the door.

This was supposed to get easier as time went by but it's only getting harder. I've been thinking that maybe I should take him up on his offer and just date him for the summer. But if I did that, I wouldn't ever want it to end.

Something's changed between Silas and me. We're different than we were back in high school. We've changed and grown and after two years apart, we both realized how much we missed each other. If we continue our relationship, I have a feeling it'll be for good this time. And although I like the idea of that, it also scares me because I won't accomplish my goals if I'm in a serious relationship. Like my mom said, I'd need to make sacrifices, and at the age of 19, I'm not willing to do that.

As we're closing up the booth at the farmers' market, I see Silas at the booth across from us, helping his mom pack everything up. He's wearing a light green t-shirt and faded jeans, his skin a dark golden brown from all the hours he spends in the sun. He picks up a box, his arm muscles flexing, and it conjures up a heat inside me. He turns to me and smiles. A sly, half smile that says I've been caught. I quickly glance away.

I hear my mom beside me. "Why don't you go say hi?"

"To who?" I start taking the tomatoes out of their cardboard containers.

"To Silas. You haven't seen him all week."

"Because we're not dating." I line the tomatoes up in a neat little row on the table.

"You could still say hello. You're clearly too preoccupied to work."

"I'm not too—" I stop when I see that I've just unpacked the tomatoes that I was supposed to be packing up to take home.

My mom's smiling at me. "I'll finish up here. Go ahead."

I slowly walk over to Diane's booth and go up to Silas. "Hi."

"Hey, Willow." He gives me a smile but continues to pack up the jewelry.

"So, um, how have you been?" I feel nervous. Why am I nervous? It's just Silas. Yet it feels different when he's not my boyfriend. Maybe because I know he's single now and any girl could have him. What if he's already dating someone? Is that why he's ignoring me?

"I'm good," he says. "And you?"

"Fine. I've been at home all week, working on some new products and coming up with marketing ideas. That logo you did is really amazing. You captured the tone and feel of the business perfectly."

"Thanks." He stacks one of the boxes on top of another.

I notice Diane watching us out of the corner of her eye as she gathers her receipts, pretending to sort them.

"So how was class today?" I ask.

"Boring. I've decided accounting's not for me. I'm going to sign up for graphic design classes in the fall."

"Silas, that's great!"

"Yeah." He picks up three big boxes. "Hey, I'll see ya later. I have to take these to the truck."

"You need some help?" I scan the booth for anything I could take, but the only items left are the table and two folding chairs.

"I can handle it," he says.

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