Page 38 of Promise Me This

“It’s fine,” I bite out, cutting my mother off. The edges of my vision are beginning to blur, whether from tears or anger, I can’t be certain. All I know is I have to get out of here before everyone present reads too much into whatever it is I’m feeling. Including myself.

Mam frowns, fisting the towel in her hand at her hip. “Niamh, why don’t you go get cleaned up?”

Niamh raises an eyebrow at me. After my responding nod, she takes off for the door.

Once she’s safely out of earshot, Mam launches the inquisition. “You know, for someone who swears he’s not interested, you seem awfully”—she scans my face, chuffs—“interested.”

I study my hands. Pretend I don’t notice them trembling. The numbness in my mind is fading fast, replaced by an all-too-intense awareness that my mam is getting uncomfortably close to being right. “I said it’s fine. She can date who she wants. It’s no business of mine.”

“She’s not dating Colin,” Mam scoffs.

“Doesn’t matter.” I turn to her and shrug, trying my best to look unbothered. “Hey, I forgot I needed to stop by the shop before picking Niamh up. We’re out of some… things. Do you mind watching her a bit longer while I go get those?”

Her arms cross over her chest. “Sure, love. Go take a drive. Sort out whatever that mess is you’ve got going in your head. ‘Cause it is a mess.”

I sigh heavily. Of course she knows. Haven’t I learned anything being a parent? They always know.

“Thanks, Mam,” I mumble.

Just as I pass her in the threshold, Niamh comes running across the tile floor. “All clean, Daddy!”

“Yes you are!” I try to keep my voice light, but it comes out strangled. Her eyebrows scrunch. Even at this age, she doesn’t miss much.

I’m her soft place to land. One deep breath in, followed by a slow exhale. I just have to make it to the car. Then I can lose control.

“Love, I just realized I’ve forgotten to pick something up from the shop. Would you mind staying with Granny a bit longer?”

“Can I have more sticky toffee pudding?” she asks, grinning mischievously.

A snort from behind me answers before I can, but I still add, “Sure you can.”

She squeals, “Did ya hear that, Granny?” and races around me, my strange tone—and presence—already forgotten.

I exit the kitchen and practically bound down the corridor, desperate for a wall of crisp, fresh air to slap me in the face and quell these feelings. Whatever happened, it’s none of my business. Leona Granger, and whoever the fuck is humping or not humping her, is none of my business.

The sooner I get that through my thick skull, the better.

I don’t even see the living room door opening through the haze clouding my vision. Not till the person exiting it collides with my chest.

“Oof,” Leo huffs, rocking back on her heels to steady herself. One delicate hand reaches up to cup her nose, causing her next words to come out nasally. “I’m sorry, I should’ve looked where I was going—”

She glances up, eyes watering, and drops the hand. “Oh, it’s you.”

Her proximity does two things to my brain: First, alarm bells go off. The volume could be equated to a thousand birds cawing simultaneously. Or one really loud nuclear bomb.

Second, whatever leash I’d been maintaining on my emotions snaps. Implodes. Another, more dangerous nuclear bomb.

“Callum?” Her eyebrows furrow as she tries to peer around me. “Is everything all right?”

“Grand. So grand. Couldn’t be better, honestly.” The tightness in my chest is threatening to suffocate me. I rub my sternum, but it’s no use. “Heard you had a run-in with Colin at McDonough’s.”

Redness immediately floods her neck and cheeks. If she tucked her hair back, I’d bet it reaches all the way to the tips of her ears. It’s something I desperately wish I didn’t know. A piece of her I want to give back, along with all the rest that still take up residence in my heart.

“Siobhan told you?”

“Actually”—I step around her—“Niamh did.”

She calls after me for reasons I don’t want to read into. I keep walking, for the sake of us both.

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