Page 39 of Promise Me This

“Callum, it was nothing. He made a pass at me; I rejected it.” She grabs my elbow just as I reach for the doorknob. “It was nothing.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation,” I say, glancing down at her over my shoulder. “Not for that, anyway.”

Her hand falls away. I almost regret the dig. Almost.

I open the door, letting that first gust of cold air rush in. My head is pounding, heart aching, chest tight. All signs point to a heart attack. Or Leo’s presence. Lately they’ve felt the same.

“Look, Leo.” I turn, facing her but looking through her. It’s the only way I’ll maintain even a shred of my resolve. “It doesn’t matter. None of this”—I gesture between us—“matters. Whatever happened back then, it was nothing. We were two stupid kids.”

She folds her arms around her middle. “I just thought after last weekend—”

“I was wrong,” I interject. “Last weekend, I was wrong when I said we weren’t finished here.” I take another step away from her, from the hold I can’t afford for her to still have on me. “Clearly we are.”

Tears fill her eyes. “Callum.”

It nearly breaks me, my name on her lips, but I hold firm. This morning, talking to Padraig… I was a fool to think that I could ever understand, that I could ever have closure. There’s no such thing as closure for this. It’ll be a wound I have for my whole life. I just have to learn to live with it.

“I think it’s time for you to go home, Leo.”

She inhales sharply. I want to comfort her even now, but I stop myself.

“Have a good life.”

The only sound that follows is the thud of my footsteps against the sidewalk as I walk over to my car and climb in, shutting the door on this chapter once and for all.

Chapter Seventeen

Leona

I’m frozen in shock.

I try to focus on the grain of the wooden door, tracing the loops and lines with my gaze. I try to find the seam in the yellowing floral wallpaper. I try, I try, I try.

For far too long, that’s all I’ve been doing. Trying to move on, trying to build a life, trying to do the right thing. I’m exhausted down to my core.

Since returning, I’ve felt resentment from Callum. Confusion. Even anger. But the apathy flowing off him today, an emotion I never thought him capable of, is what hurts the most. It feels like I’ve just been hit with a deadly dose of radiation. I stretch my arms out in front of me, half expecting to find them covered in bubbling burns.

I don’t know how long I’ve been lying in bed, stuck in a state of suspended animation, when my door creaks open. Siobhan peeks her head through the crack she’s created and frowns apologetically.

“I knocked but you didn’t answer.”

I blink twice. Swallow. Try to remember how to talk to people. “Sorry, I didn’t hear.”

Another frown. “Are you all right, love?”

“Mm.” It’s the best I can muster.

She steps inside completely, shutting the door behind herself. “I heard you two talking in the hall.” She knocks on the wall above the writing desk. A hollow thunk answers her. “Too thin for secrets, I’m afraid.” She closes the distance between us and sits on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, Leona. I tried to explain to him. Niamh simply misspoke; you know how kids can be. They pick one thing you say and repeat it without including context.” She tilts her head, studying me. Her face is wrought with concern. “He’s gone off to clear his head. Didn’t want to be around Niamh in this state.”

My heartbeat stutters. “He’s a good father.”

“That he is.” She gnaws at her bottom lip like she’s fighting off saying more. Unsurprisingly, she loses the fight. “But he’s a terrible”—she waves her hand toward me—“whatever he is to you.”

“Nothing,” I say, even though it causes a bone-deep ache. “We’re nothing to each other.”

Her mouth flattens into a grim line, but she lets that one slide.

“Can I get you anything?” She shifts her weight. Fidgets with her watch. I can practically see her brain working to find a way to smooth this over. To make it right. Ever the hostess, she’s trying to take care of things. Only this is something a scone and a scheme aren’t going to fix.

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