Page 51 of Prognosis Baby Daddy

Although as each day passed and the end drew nearer and she felt a deeper and deeper connection with the baby, the lines were blurring. And falling in love with Ben had complicated it further. And now things were as sticky and mired and complicated as they could get. Which meant only one thing.

She had to get out. Leave Ravello. Leave Positano. Leave Italy. Leave Ben. Get as far away as possible.

Because she couldn’t hand her son over and she couldn’t stay either. Ben had made it very clear that he wouldn’t love again. Couldn’t love again. And she couldn’t live with him, loving him, knowing that she’d never hear those words. Sitting in their house, waiting for him to say them, hanging on, getting more and more desperate every day — just like her mother.

Becoming old and bitter.

Watching him heap love on their child. Growing jealous of that? No, she would slowly wither and die. There was no choice. She had to cut her losses now.

Loving Ben these past few weeks had been a surprise and a complication she could have done without but she was a big girl, a practical woman, and she’d known she could bear a broken heart to achieve her goal. But today, with the fall and the bleeding scare, the lie of the land had completely changed.

So now she was stuck with two choices. Leave the baby with Ben, as their deal currently stood, and go on her merry way.

Impossible.

Or stay in their one-sided relationship and raise their child together. And die a little each day.

Also impossible.

But there was a third option. Take the baby and run. Possible and plausible.

Essential.

But could she do that to Ben? As painful as it was to admit he didn’t love her, the same couldn’t be said for their baby. Ben was besotted with him. He spent ages each day talking to his son. First thing in the morning and in bed at night he would stroke her stomach and place his lips against her bulge and whisper sweet nothings to it.

In two languages.

He talked about the baby non-stop. Told her the things they were going to do together and the places they were going to go and the things he wanted to show his son. At the moment he was going through three different name books, hoping to find a good balance between the baby’s Russian and Italian ancestry.

He was completely and utterly committed to their baby. Head over heels in love with him. How could she take away the one thing Ben wanted more than anything? The one thing that had started to restore his faith in love?

In family?

But how could she stay and keep herself whole? How could she stay and not turn into her mother?

This was her dilemma.

She couldn’t leave her son behind, neither could she stay in a relationship where she was never going to be loved, hoping for some crumbs of affection. She knew Ben was going to be hurt. Angry, probably. But she couldn’t stay.

Her childhood memories of her mother’s emotional destruction were still too vivid. She’d fought all her life to escape the scars of her upbringing, determined not to repeat her mother’s mistakes, and she wouldn’t compromise on that because Ben might get hurt in the process.

She could only hope that he had enough compassion in him to understand her motives.

––––––––

Katya stayed in bedfor two days, going slowly stir-crazy. Ben was attentive to a fault which made her cranky and irritable and guilty, knowing what she was about to do to him. She had no further bleeding and the baby was as active as ever. Rocco was pleased with the second scan but cautioned Katya to give up work and take it easy for the rest of her pregnancy.

Katya promised she would and she could see Ben’s visible relief in the periphery of her vision. Poor guy. He had taken her moods on the chin the last two days and been the absolute soul of patience. Her heart swelled with love even as a hot knife was jabbed into her side at the thought of leaving him.

Heading back to their quarters, Katya packed her bag, taking only the things she’d arrived with. There was much more stuff she’d accumulated these past weeks but she had all she needed - her plane ticket, her passport.

And the baby.

Her heart was heavy as she paged Ben who arrived a few minutes later. She turned to face him as he entered and tried to memorise every feature. He looked so male and sexy in his scrubs, her chest swelled with love and eyes blurred with tears.

Her lover, her heart.

If only it didn’t have to be this way. If only he could love her like she loved him.

---