Page 50 of Prognosis Baby Daddy

‘Rocco.’

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Katya lay very stillas Rocco ran the transducer over her belly. Her mind was frozen, fear for her baby bringing up all the horrible possibilities.

How could she have been so stupid?

Why had she insisted on working?

If she’d been sitting at home with her feet up, this would never have happened. I’m sorry, baby, I won’t put you in danger again.

Ben and Rocco were talking in Italian over her, pointing at various things on the screen, but she wasn’t listening. Her eyes were fixed on the image. At the baby’s strong heartbeat and its vigorous, healthy movements.

He was OK. The baby was OK.

Her relief was immense. As was the sudden clarity that descended on her. She could no more hand her son over to Ben than fly to the moon. She touched the screen as she had done at her first ultrasound.

I promise to protect you from everything. I promise to be vigilant. I promise to give you everything I have.

I promise to love you above all else.

‘Rocco says the baby looks good. The fall seems to have caused a small area of the placenta at the margin to come away and bleed. But the rest of the placenta looks healthy.’

Katya nodded, a surge of relief bringing her thought processes back on line. ‘Thank you,’ she said to Rocco.

‘As the bleeding’s now stopped Rocco recommends bed rest for a couple of days and then he’ll scan you again. But if you notice any decrease in foetal movements or any more bleeding, he wants to see you straight away.’

‘Of course,’ Katya nodded. Anything. She’d lay in bed for the duration if that’s what it took for the baby to be OK.

Rocco left and Katya sat on the narrow couch, letting Ben do a full neuro assessment on her. It was making him feel better and she was still so relieved to see the baby was OK, she didn’t even think to protest. After it was done he walked her up to their quarters, stood outside the cubicle while she showered and then tucked her into their bed.

‘Do you want me to stay?’ Ben asked. It had been a frightening couple of hours and the last thing he wanted to do was go back to work. But there was still one more case to complete.

‘No.’ Katya smiled reassuringly, lying on her side and hugging her belly. ‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Page me if you need me,’ he said, dragging the bedside phone closer to her. ‘I’ll bring us some dinner when I finish.’

Katya nodded and was grateful when Ben finally left. Her mind was whirring around despite the classical music Ben had switched on before he’d left. She knew what she had to do.

She couldn’t stay any longer.

She knew now there was no way possible she could hand this baby over to Ben and walk out of its life. Those awful moments when she’d thought she was losing the baby or had harmed the baby had been the worst of her life.

Worse than discovering her pregnancy. Worse than admitting her love for Ben.

Why had it taken a threat to the baby’s life for her to realise the truth? It was her destiny to be a mother to this child. What kind of a fool had she been?

Yes, she had been scared. Scared that she’d make a mess of it. Scared that something awful would happen to him as it had happened to Sophia, as it nearly had today. Scared that she couldn’t provide for him like Ben could. Scared of the single-parent life she was about to embark on which her own mother had failed at so miserably.

But it all paled in comparison to her love and desire to be with this baby. Ben’s son. Her fear of never seeing her child far outstripped her fear of failure. She was just going to have to be the best damn mother she could.

The safest. The most vigilant. The most loving.

Because she’d known, looking at that screen, her baby strong despite the trauma it had been through, that she couldn’t give her baby up. She’d known it as surely as she’d known that day she hadn’t been able to terminate the pregnancy.

The revelation had been unexpected. It had been much simpler before today. Pregnant with baby. Don’t want baby. Have baby. Leave baby with father.

Simple. Straightforward. Uncomplicated.

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