Page 17 of Secrets Within Us

My mind left the room instantly and traveled back to the cell of fear and pain I’d escaped from only days ago.

I felt the panic run up my body from my stomach, into my heart, squeezing off all the air to my lungs.

Kip pushed the blanket to the side as he ran his hand up my thigh again, gentle enough not to hurt me, but with enough bite that I understood his need.

Just breathe, Hadley. I whispered in my mind, reassuring myself.

Kip wasn’t evil. Kip wasn’t him. My desire was the difference between the two situations. And I deserved to desire a man.

I fought to come back to the present, pushing the past out of my mind.

I brought my hands up from my lap, placed them on Kip’s shoulders, and slid them around his neck, pulling him in deeper. Sliding my fingers through the hair on the back of his head, he shivered under my touch as he pulled away from the kiss.

He moved down, placing sweet but hot, open-mouthed kisses along my jaw and to my ear. Feeling his hot ragged breath against the shell of my ear left me pressing my thighs together, searching for friction.

“Christ.” He cursed as he felt my hips rotate beneath his hands.

“Don’t stop,” I begged, pulling his face back to mine and attacking his lips once more. I was ravishing him like a horny teenager, and I didn’t care. Fuck it all, I wanted him. So damn badly. But more than that, I wanted to want sex to prove I still could.

He didn’t stop, instead; he grabbed my hips and stood up, pulling me up with him effortlessly. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck while my legs clung tightly to his waist for support.

But then the pain hit from changing positions so quickly and I gasped out, wrapping my arm around my waist as I fought to take a deep breath.

“Ahh.” I pulled my lips from his.

“Fuck.” He cursed as he gently sat me back down in the chair, kneeling in front of me. “I’m sorry. Shit, I forgot.” He apologized profusely, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

I fought through it though, finding that it came easier than it had yesterday to get through the pain.

“It’s okay, I’m okay.”

He dropped his head, refusing to meet my gaze as he, too, tried to calm his breathing. I could see the walls falling back down over his eyes with each deep breath, though, and I didn’t want him to shut me out. Not when he finally let me in, even just this inch. I slid my hands along his scruffy beard to his cheeks, angling his head to look at me again. My hands were tiny compared to his face, and I found it so intriguing. “I asked you not to stop. I forgot about it too until I moved, but I’m fine now.”

Yearning for his touch, I leaned back in and pressed my lips against his, silently pleading for him to kiss me again like he had before.

But he pulled his head back again, disconnecting our lips before sitting back on his feet, putting distance between us.

“Don’t,” I begged pathetically, as I felt his rejection wash over me. He was going to take it back. Bile rose in my throat as that dirty feeling crawled across my skin again like it had in captivity. “Please—”

“I shouldn’t have done that-” He started, still not looking at me as I frantically searched his face.

“Don’t!” I cut him off. “Don’t you dare take it back. You’ve acted like I’ve had the plague since I’ve been here, like I’m the most repulsive woman you’ve ever met and the second you treat me like an actual human being, you want to take that back? Don’t you dare!” I could hear the panic in my voice and knew that my emotions were rooted so much deeper than just our present situation.

He snapped his head back up to me as I called myself repulsive, and shock and remorse tormented his usually stoic face. I knew I was overreacting, and that I was projecting my fears onto him and his rejection, but I couldn’t stop it. The words just came out.

We just stared at each other for a million heartbeats in silence before the scowl melted off his face and he said, “Tell me what happened to you.”

Then it was my turn to drop my gaze. I looked back down at my lap as I took a deep breath.

Just tell him.

Just tell him about it. Tell someone! Release yourself from the new cell you’ve locked yourself in. My conscience begged me to let someone in for the first time in my life.

I looked up at him where he sat, patiently kneeling.

But I knew so little about him, I couldn’t give him that kind of info without knowing him more first. He’d have all the power if I did.

“Tell me what happened to you.” My voice was much weaker than I’d intended for it to be. So I took a deep breath and continued. “What happened to you to make you live out here completely alone and miserable? Tell me something that I can hold on to because I obviously can’t hold on to you. Your mood swings bring you in and out of my reach every other second.”

---