Page 95 of Devil May Lie

“I’ve told him that I’m willing to see where things lead, but—”

“Berga, you really are obtuse, aren’t you?” He set his glass down on the end table. “Whatever. Perhaps it's for the best.”

“What is?”

“Just swear you’ll end things the moment it starts to affect your job or my position. Madden understands the stakes just as much as we do. He should let you go when the time comes. But if he doesn’t, I’ll involve Kelevra.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to inform Baikal that Kel didn’t have a problem with them dating, but he opted to keep it to himself in the end. He’d done his duty here; he’d informed his Dominus about his relationship and reassured him that it wouldn’t prevent Berga from continuing with his responsibilities to the Brumal. Anything else would just be pushing his luck, and while he fully intended to follow Baikal’s orders and cut things off with Madden when he was told to…

The thought of that happening right now, or any time soon for that matter, left a poor taste in his mouth he didn’t entirely understand.

Perhaps he’d already grown far too attached. Was it because he felt subconsciously comfortable enough around the other man to be pulled from a delusion? Or maybe he was just developing an addiction to Madden’s cock…?

Berga didn’t have an addictive personality. This would be a first for him.

After sex, however, he became possessive. He knew that. His mind was always filled with thoughts of tying the Mad King to him and keeping him forever.

Maybe life partner wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility.

“You seem lost, Butcher,” Baikal said. “Should I be worried after all?”

“No,” he reassured. “I’m just confused.”

“That doesn’t elicit confidence.”

Had he messed up despite his efforts not to?

Good Light, why was conversing with people so difficult? Why couldn’t everyone always just say exactly what was on their mind without fear of how it might be perceived?

“Run them by me,” he surprised Berga by suggesting. “I might be able to help clear a few things up for you.”

“I’m not sure…” Flix definitely wouldn’t approve of Berga talking in depth about his situation with Madden, however…Baikal was in a relationship with Rabbit Trace, and the two had been together for a few months now without any problems. “I don’t want you to lose faith in me.”

“That’s up for me to decide,” Baikal said. “For what it’s worth, I trust you, Berga. I always have. If Madden is really helping you with your problems, then I don’t see why I should step in where I don’t belong. As I mentioned, even if I ultimately have to order you to separate, there’s always later once things are stabilized within the Brumal.”

“I don’t think…” He pursed his lips. “I’ve never felt this way before. I’m unsure what exactly it is I’m experiencing or how much of whatever this feeling is could merely be a byproduct of our physical connection.”

“You mean, you’re not sure if you want him or his body?” Baikal shrugged. “Why can’t you want both?”

“His body was what I was after from the beginning,” he confessed since it was just the two of them in here, and he knew he could trust Baikal not to spread that around to the others. Madden especially could never find out that he…No. He wouldn’t even think it. Better not to. Just to be safe. “But now I find I enjoy his company just as much when we aren’t having sex. He…might understand me, in some ways.”

“Ways the rest of us have failed at?” Baikal didn’t seem offended by that possibility. “It’s not a bad thing if someone can make you feel seen, Butcher.”

“I’d prefer to be left to the shadows, thanks. It’s safer there.”

“Safer for who?”

“Everyone.”

Baikal tipped his head. “But you said you’re improving. If you can break free from your past, perhaps you’ll no longer need to fear yourself constantly. You don't have to fear the rest of us seeing your ugly truths, either. We don’t care about stuff like that. We never have. We’re all damaged in one way or another.”

“That’s easy to say.” Much harder to believe, though. “You’ve seen the way my parents look at me when they think no one is paying attention.”

“Your parents are assholes. Why do you think even my father gave them the lowest rank possible? They should have gained power with a son in the Satellite, but they’ve been stuck and forced to use their name to get ahead in society.”

Baikal’s father had always treated him well, and father and son had been close before Sullivan Void’s recent death, something that Berga had always somewhat coveted. To be fair, he didn’t like his parents any more than they did him, but there was a part of Berga that couldn’t let go of the need for their approval. For their acceptance.

Maybe he just wanted to erase that expression on his father’s face from his mind. Rewrite it over and create a new memory, a better one where he wasn’t hated and blamed.

---