Page 15 of Rolling with my Professors

“Did you at least have fun?”

“Yes,” I say curtly, to get her to drop it. I had the most fun of my life.

My phone vibrates. Belova reaches for hers. A campus-wide alert cancelling classes would be well-timed, but we’re the only two students reaching for our phones.

It’s Beatrix. She’s offering her camgirl expertise to teach anyone on the Hot Rollers derby team how to take sexy photos. Her text specifically points out that we can do these for ourselves.

Hmmm… After feeling sexy last night, I’d like more of that feeling. I let her know that I’m in. Belova raises her eyebrows at me as my reply vibrates her phone.

“For myself,” I whisper.

Professor Sterling’s voice is our cue to put our phones away. “We’re going to deviate from the syllabus today and talk about risks.”

No one cares. Except me. Where is he going with this?

He continues, “We’re navigating risks all the time, whether at home, work, or play… or even sitting right here in this classroom.”

A few students mumble jokes about going home if it’s too risky to sit in class. I’m too self-conscious to find it funny. Am I imagining that his sweeping gaze spends a little too long on me?

“So, let’s explore different types of risks. Take, for instance, falls. Most of the time, they’re not a big deal. Get back up and pretend you meant to do it, right?”

A few chuckles sound out.

“Other times, you fall hard. You can’t just get back up. Your fate is in someone else’s hands.”

“Are we talking about patients?” a student asks.

“Could be a patient. Could be you. Could be me.” His damn gaze flits to me again. “Has anyone in here ever fallen?”

Hands raise. Sterling’s gaze stops on the one person who didn’t raise her hand—me. “Have you fallen, Mila?”

Belova whispers, “Plenty of falls on the roller derby track.”

Yeah, but his tone tells me he’s talking about something else. I take a breath and tell myself to quit reading things into his words. Yes, I fell for his son. I fell for him. But I shove that nonsense aside and raise a hand. “Everyone has.”

“But have you fallen hard? Had to turn to someone else to pick you up?”

Snickers ripple through the classroom. At face value that was worth a giggle. But I can’t believe he’s calling me out.

“Roller derby will do that to you.”

“Good point. Sometimes we choose behaviors that increase our risk. We take chances even though we know the risks. Like you and… roller derby. You participate even though you know you could fall.”

I shrug. Why won’t he leave me alone?

“Which leads to our next risk… pain. Who in here has faced a choice where some of the possible outcomes involve pain, and decided the risk was worth it?”

Slowly, hands raise. Again, pretty much everyone. I raise mine to avoid being singled out.

He continues, “Isn’t it interesting that when we weigh the benefits and consequences, we can hope for the benefit so much that we accept the pain of the consequence?”

A few students offer thoughts related to nursing, like certain patients trying to walk without assistance. I’m grateful. But all too soon, he’s offering the next situation.

“We can’t weigh pros and cons for anyone but ourself. So, in situations where another person assumes risk, whether we’re at work, at home, or at play, we need to keep communication open and respect their decision.”

Oh no! He won’t go there, will he? Am I prematurely panicking that this is about sex? Running out of the class right now would be a poor choice. The risk of drawing attention to myself is too high. So, if that campus-wide alert could ping through all of our phones right now, I’d really appreciate Professor Sterling not having the chance to finish this thought.

“I’m going to shift topics slightly. I’m not asking for anyone to raise their hand, but I want you to take it seriously. Let’s talk about risk and sex—more specifically, unprotected sex. I promise not to preach. You’re nursing students so you’re more aware than the average person of those risks. But when things get personal, sometimes we shy away from big conversations. That doesn’t stop biology.”

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