Page 49 of Mob Saint

Seamus

I’ve told Tiera three times now that I’m going to marry her. She’s never reacted like she knows what I mean. But one of these times, she’s going to remember and look it up. That possibility doesn’t make me mean it any less. But I don’t want to freak her out. We’ve gone from zero to five thousand in two hours. Things were building gradually over the past eight weeks, but they skyrocketed today.

While I’ve never felt this way about anyone or been in a relationship like this before, I’m used to things escalating at an astounding pace. Things flipping on a dime. I can live with it. It’s normal to me. Life would be frighteningly dull if it didn’t. Too much quiet—things being too easy—scares me. It’s usually the sign something is about to go extremely wrong. But it would be bliss if things were uneventful with Tiera.

Having sex with her was a spiritual experience. I stopped going to church regularly when I was sixteen. I lasted longer than anyone else in my family. I knew I was a hypocrite for doing the things I did and thinking a few confessions with veiled meaning and saying the rosary a bunch of times would be enough. But I wanted to believe forgiveness and salvation were possible even for the worst of sinners. Now I don’t know. Maybe for other people, but I’m not convinced it is for me.

Being with Tiera is a glimpse into heaven. It’s a glimpse at the redemption I prayed for. The peace that used to come when I was much younger and prayed. It’s not like I’m going to anoint her as a saint or even hold her up on a pedestal from which she can only fall. I won’t set her up for failure like that. But I know this is a chance for me to have a different life.

At least part of it can be different. I can finally have some balance. I can finally have a reprieve. I don’t want to put too much of my hopes and needs on her shoulders since that’s a weight that would crush her. I just know she makes me happy, and I want nothing more than for her to feel that, too.

I glance down at her. I know she’s not sleeping. We’re both just resting and enjoying the calm before the inevitable storm that is life in the mob. I haven’t forgotten about Trenton and Gareth. We’ll still go. But this is more important. Tiera will always be more important even if I can’t always put her first. For now, I can, so I am.

“Seamus?”

“Yes, cailín.”

“We have to get going. We can’t stay here much longer. It’s going to take us at least two hours to get down there, and that’s assuming there’s only a little traffic getting out of the city.”

“We get there when we get there. You owe Gareth nothing after he tried to feck you over.”

She giggles, and it goes straight to my cock. I love hearing her happy, or at least amused after seeing her cry. I can’t think about that, or I’ll lose my shite and go on a rampage. I’ll find that fuckwad and rip him apart. And this time, it wouldn’t be with just my words. I’d take him to the station and make sure nothing but ash remains of him. Better yet, the tub of acid would ensure there’s nothing left. Maybe a little sludge that couldn’t be chemically or physically separated from the acid. Nothing that could identify him.

“Daddy, what are you thinking about? You just tensed, but it was after you finished talking. What did you just think of?”

“Nothing important, little one. I just thought about how much I prefer hearing you laugh to seeing your tears.”

She rolls off me despite how I tighten my hold. She sits up to look at me.

“Are you going to do something to Zack?”

“No, despite the temptation. You wouldn’t want that. You would know if I had even if I lied or just didn’t tell you. I don’t want you caught in the middle, and I don’t want to upset you.”

“I don’t want you to think he did it regularly. We were together as long as you and Makayla. It only happened a few times, and they were misunderstandings more than anything.”

“I don’t care what they were. He was your Dom. Even with degradation kink, you should feel fulfilled and good about yourself because you got what you needed physically and emotionally. Even when the roleplaying ends, a Dom should make you feel safe and appreciated. If Zack made you cry, and it wasn’t from consensual pain, then that’s a problem. I won’t do anything, and I trust your judgement about why you stayed with him. But that doesn’t mean I have to like what I heard him say or that he upset you in the past. I know we may argue in the future, and I know my words might hurt you, but I will always regret that. I will always wish I hadn’t no matter my feelings about whatever’s making us argue. He didn’t sound an ounce repentant. I don’t like that.”

“Shay, please let it go. I appreciate how you’re always ready to come to my defense. I appreciate that you care, even though I think you’d do it for any woman.”

“You’re right that I would defend any woman. Anyone in a position to not defend themselves or needs an ally. But I haven’t defended you just because you’re a woman. You’re my woman. You have been since the moment I laid eyes on you. Neither of us may have known that, but the universe did.”

“I know I wanted it. I remember seeing the back of you and Cormac. You’re both impressive and intimidating without seeing your faces. You’re huge, and even from the back you both look like Armani models in the custom-tailored clothes. Then I saw your face. I know how similar you and Cormac are, and I can’t say you're attractive without admitting your brother is too. But you’ve been a magnet since the moment I saw your face. It’s not just that you’re the handsomer of the two of you, but your everything. Your aura, I suppose. I’m a moth to your flame, and I prayed I wouldn’t get singed.”

“Then I treated you like shite.”

She leans forward, so I can’t help but look directly in her eyes. But she’s not satisfied. She takes my hand that’s resting on her thigh and tugs. I sit up, and she moves to straddle my lap. I was semi-aroused just being near her because she was lying on me, and now I’m looking at her.

The second her pussy touches my cock, it’s alive with a mind of its own. She glances down and strokes. Then she kneels, and her cunt slides onto it. She moans, and I think I did too. It wasn’t the manliest sound I’ve ever made. But she does nothing to make this sex, and I don’t think she’s just warming my cock. When she wraps her arms around my neck and begins talking, I know she understands the very thing I need when we’re having serious conversations. I need to be inside her.

“Seamus, you did not treat me like shite. I don’t like you thinking you did. Even if we weren’t together, I wouldn’t want you to think that. You did your job as a stellar attorney. You did exactly what your client needed you to do. I do not fault you for that. What you said only confirmed what you and I both knew. I shouldn’t have been involved. It does nothing to negate my eighteen years of experience. It does nothing to negate my time as a firefighter, fire investigator, or actuary. It just proved I wasn’t an expert meant to testify during that case. You didn’t paint me as incompetent like I think you believe you did. You just pointed out I didn’t know enough to give testimony.”

“But I made it sound like you weren’t qualified to give any testimony when I said you hadn’t led that many investigations. I made it sound like you’re a novice.”

“I’m not, and I know that. But you didn’t say anything untrue, even if you framed it in a context to serve your point. I didn’t lead those investigations while I was in training. Or at least, I didn’t work them solo. The ones I led still had my work checked by a more experienced investigator. But no scene is supposed to be solely determined by one person. That’s why a firefighter alone isn’t enough to assess cause. It’s why we gather evidence. You’re being way harder on yourself than you need to be. I wish you’d cut yourself some slack. I don’t enjoy knowing you feel guilty over something I’ve been over since it happened.”

“I worry that it’ll affect your future work.”

“I know you do. And I’ll cross that bridge if and when I get to it.”

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