Page 48 of Mob Saint

“And you get me.”

“You didn’t mind the stuff I said?”

“I loved it. It was just right. Just enough to get the message without feeling like it was over the top or mean.”

“Good. That was my goal.”

I don’t know what to make of the look that just flashed in his eyes.

“Didn’t you like it?”

“I was nervous I went too far. That I squeezed too tightly, or that I demeaned you too much. I didn’t enjoy worrying about that. I’m not sure how I feel about calling you those things again, but I will if you enjoy it.”

“I won’t enjoy it if I know it bothers you.”

He’s quiet for a moment while he thinks.

“I’ll do it sometimes, and like you said before, only when we’re having sex. I won’t do it during foreplay. I can’t.”

I stroke the back of my fingers along his temple, and he turns into my fingers a little. His eyes slide shut, and he releases a deep sigh. His face is completely at rest, and he looks even more boyish than usual. It’s about the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. It makes me wonder what our kids would look like. A baby girl sleeping in my arms or a toddler boy sleeping in a little bed. I’m certain he was the most adorable kid ever.

“Cailín?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“If this isn’t real—if this isn’t going anywhere, and it’s just been dirty talk—tell me now. You’ll break my heart otherwise.”

“Seamus, look at me.”

He opens his eyes, and there’s the shyness I see hints of. A vulnerability I doubt any sub ever saw.

“It was not just sex or dirty talk. It wasn’t roleplaying either. What we talked about earlier was probably the best start to a relationship I’ve ever had. Even with my Dom, we didn’t define things before the very first time we had sex. I like that we did. It’s a relief that we did. I know where we stand, and it’s exactly where I want to be. I’ll say the same thing to you. If this was just all roleplaying or sex talk, then tell me. If I think it’s something more, and it’s not, it’ll break my heart.”

“I’ve never felt any of this before. I don’t know what it is to be in love. You do. I don’t know if that’s what we’re moving toward. But I don’t think this is infatuation. That I can recognize.”

I kiss his left cheek as I cup his right. I rub our noses together.

“I have been in love before. But it was never the kind meant to last because it wasn’t with the right person. Perhaps some of it was being in love with the idea of being in love. Or it was being in love with the idea of love in general. Maybe it was being in love because it gave me—or at least, I thought it gave me—the chance for the future I wanted. I don’t know. But this is different. All of it, and I don’t think it’s infatuation. Just the opposite. It makes me wonder if what I felt the past three times I thought I was in love was just infatuation.”

“I don’t want you to question how you felt about people in your past. About how you felt about your husband.”

“I’m not. I’m understanding it more. I don’t know where you and I are going or where we’ll wind up. But I like the path we’re on. I like where I think it’s headed. You’ve said more than once this won’t end unless I want it to. I appreciate that, but I don’t like it. I don’t want you to feel you made some pledge you can’t take back. I know what your honor means to you. I never want you to feel trapped with me because of something you said this early in our relationship.”

“Thank you, Tiera.”

“Now, let me rest for a few minutes. I was extremely comfortable. You’re the best pillow I’ve ever had.”

I settle back onto his chest, and he goes back to stroking my back and holding my ass. I kiss his chest. I could fall asleep like this. His body no longer cooperates, so he isn’t inside me like he was earlier. But this is peaceful, and soul restoring. I close my eyes and listen to his heartbeat. It’s a steady cadence that is lulling me to sleep.

“Rest, cailín. Let yourself let go for a bit. I’ll hold you, so nothing can bother you. You’re mine to have and to hold.”

I remember that line from my marriage vows. It was just a series of words in what felt like a reverent occasion. Never did they mean what they do now.

“Thank you, Daddy.” I wrap my arms around him. “You’re mine to have and to hold, too.”

“Tá mé chun tú a phósadh.”

Chapter Twelve

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