Page 92 of Falling With a Spin

He holds me there on the steps and whispers in my ear. “I’m sorry. I’m here, and I love you.” His voice is strained, as if he’s been screaming. “We will get through this. He won’t hurt you anymore.” It almost sounds like a promise, but it’s one that I won’t hold on to.

Everything in me is broken. The tiny pieces of glass are crushed down, no longer fixable and all I want is to be alive again. But can I do that without hurting the one who is trying to hold me together?

Chapter 34

Emma

One week later

Light streams in through the curtains, and I pull the covers over my face to block it out. It’s been a week since we were at court, and the idea of staying in bed sounds really nice right now. Except every morning, both Taylor and Hunter come in with coffee and breakfast in their hands in an attempt to get me out of bed.

But today, I throw off the covers before they make it in and rub the sleep away. A sigh leaves me as my phone lights up, and I catch today's date. It’s the last day of classes, and by some miracle, with how shitty this semester has been, I’ve passed every single one. Well, I’m hoping I will. Calculus is my last test for the day, and in the past few tests that he’s given out, I’ve gotten a B or higher.

As I head into the bathroom, my bedroom door swings open, and I take the two seconds I have to myself before they come in here. Reminding myself that I need to just make it through today, and then I can be alone with my thoughts. It’s been a scary place lately, but not to the point where I want to hurt myself or the ones around me. Taylor and Hunter have made sure about that, even with the countless times I have told them.

“Good morning, babe,” Hunter places the coffee on my bathroom counter and leaves a soft kiss on my cheek. A smile comes to my face and it seems genuine, or at least I’m hoping it is.

“Here is your breakfast,” Taylor sets the plate down next to the coffee and gives me a dazzling smile. “I need to get ready for my last day of class. But I will see you tonight, and we are going to celebrate.” She walks out the door, and I can only think, What is there to celebrate? But I nod my head, and she closes the door to my bedroom.

“Are you doing okay?” Concern washes over his face.

“Yeah, just nerves for the test.” Hoping he takes that as a good enough answer. “I might hit up the studio after to let off some steam.”

He squints his eyes at me but nods his head. “That’s a really good idea.”

It’s a great idea for me. The best way to get all these thoughts out of my head. To forget the judge's gavel hitting against the wood. To get Chad's smirk and the way he touched my face out of my head. To just feel clean.

I walk through the door of my calculus class for the last time with some sort of confidence, and it’s strange. I’m not sure if it’s because this is the last day and last test or the fact that I won't have to look at a single calculus problem for a long while but I’m not going to overthink it.

Walking up to my seat, I set my stuff down pulling out my notebook to go over the problems one last time before the room starts to fill up. I close my eyes taking a deep breath, separating the thoughts from the last week to focus only on what is in front of me. I open my eyes to see Layla sitting right next to me with a Coca-Cola in her hand and the brightest smile on her face.

“Class, today is the last day,” Professor Mikens voice echoes around the room as he walks inside. “For some of you, it has been an easy road, and for others, not so much.” His eyes scan across the room and land on me, giving me a small smile before continuing. “But I’m proud of every one of you for the work you have put into this semester. Now, let's end this day with a good one.”

I smile at the one teacher who has reminded me countless times to keep my head up and know that the storm will end. To keep going even when I don’t think it’s possible. He didn’t know about the many other problems that I couldn’t solve, but that one sentence he said to me once will always remain.

“If I could, I would not be giving you this test and telling you all that you’ve passed. But, I would really like to keep my job.” He chuckles. Taking out a stack of papers, and hands one to each student at the end of the row to pass down. “You will have one hour to complete this test, and you may use a calculator. If you finish before the hour, hand the test to me, and you’re free to go.” He finishes up before walking to sit down at his desk.

Before opening the packet, I glance towards Layla, and she’s looking at me with two thumbs up and a wide grin on her face. I hold back my laughter and turn back to my test, opening it up to the first problem.

The hour goes by faster than I thought, and when I finally close the packet, I look around, noticing I’m the last one here. Grabbing my belongings I walk down the steps and set the test on Professor Mikens desk. He glances up at me and I give him a small smile before walking out the door. Relief rushes through me; the test was easier than I expected, and I’m not sure if that's good or bad. But I did it. I finished my classes even with how this whole semester went. A feeling of pride wraps around me that I didn’t fail at something.

The studio has slowly become my place to go to escape, just like how it used to be. I climb out of the car and walk through the front door, the receptionist waves to me as I walk towards the room that I’ve been using for a few months now. I’ve come here to clear my head and get away from everything that's happening out there.

I connect my phone to the bluetooth and hit play.

As I start moving around the room everything starts to fall away from me. The constant hovering from Taylor and Hunter. The calls from my Mom and Dad. When my Dad called the first time, it did worry me, but it was only a check up call. That was four days ago, and he did another one today, but I let that go to voicemail. Caleb has been dropping by unannounced and staying for hours. It doesn’t bother me, but it's weird. Normally, he doesn’t stay long when Taylor is around. It has been a week since the verdict came through, and I feel fine. I even told all three of them that on more than one occasion, but they didn’t believe me. One night, I even heard Taylor talking to Caleb and Hunter that she thinks I’m keeping myself busy so I don’t think about what happened.

Maybe she is right, or maybe she just doesn't know me as well as she thought she did.

When the first song ends, the next one starts, and I don’t think before I continue moving. Letting all the emotions leave my body.

Two hours go by before I walk out of the studio, sweat dripping down my forehead and my legs feeling like jello. But it feels good. Thoughts from earlier slowly start to burn away and I can breathe again. Dancing has always given me the ability to reset myself. To let go of all the bullshit that goes on in my life and just focus on one thing. Me.

I’m the person who always makes sure that the ones around me have what they need before myself. But when it comes to dance and music, nothing else matters around me. Not what Hunter is thinking, not what I’m going to do next year if I don’t make it to Juilliard, not the piled up text messages that I don’t bother to check anymore. Nothing.

My phone vibrates in my hand, and I look down to see Hunter's name flash across the screen. A heavy sigh leaves me as I contemplate answering. My thumb hovers over the green accept button, and guilt wraps its arms around me when the call goes silent. I’m not ignoring him on purpose, but the constant check-ins are slowly becoming suffocating. He cares, and I love that about him. It’s his love language, but I also need time to myself.

Two weeks since

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