Page 93 of Falling With a Spin

The music in the studio blares through the speakers. I showed up right when they opened, and it's nearing noon, which puts me at about two hours till I need to be at the coffee shop for my shift. Coming here each morning has been implemented into my daily routine now since school ended. I wake up, get dressed, and pack my bag for work that day. Then, once my shift is over, I either go back to the studio or trudge home, flinging my tired body on my bed.

Repeating it all the next day.

I haven’t seen much of Taylor lately with her schedule increasing and with me at the studio for the majority of the day. By the time I get home from work or my second session at the studio, her bedroom light is off, and she's fast asleep. I miss her and our movie nights, and I think about texting her asking for a girl's night since she loves them, but then I close out the message and lock my phone.

She would love to spend a day with me, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. The thought of being anywhere that isn’t at the studio makes me feel grimy, and unease crawls into me. It’s the one place that hasn’t hurt me or would have the ability to. I come here to get away from the ones I’ve hurt and have hurt me.

Breathing heavily, I lean against the bare and pause the music. I look at the time, deciding that almost four hours of dancing has been enough and I should get ready for work. I head towards the showers and pass Aubrey on the way, she gives me a smile before continuing towards her class. We haven’t talked much since I started here, only seeing each other in passing and it’s kind of comforting to know that she is here.

I reach the locker room and set all my stuff in my locker, taking only the necessities. Pulling out my phone, I see a few messages from Hunter, Taylor, and Caleb. I swipe left on my phone, letting the messages disappear from the screen and myself.

I will check them later. In reality, I won’t not.

“Kelly, I have your medium hot coffee ready for you.” I put the drink down at the counter, call out the customer's drink and return to making drinks.

Today is relatively busy for a Monday evening, which has Liam and me running around making sure things are getting done before closing time. The rush is dying down, and we are almost done with cleaning things up when the door chimes, I turn around to see a group of guys walk through the door. Everything in me freezes, and I just want to bolt out of the place and never return. The group that stands in the middle of the room is the basketball team, Chad's friends, and the people who I don’t want to see ever again.

Letting Liam know that I will be right back, I walk as casually as I can to the bathroom and close the door before sliding down to the floor. I bring my shaky hands to my face as the tears stream down my face.

I’ve gone two weeks without crying, and the second I see people who are close to him, I end up on the bathroom floor, losing it. Chad doesn't go to Crestview anymore since he’s been kicked off the team, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are correlated to him in every way possible. Hell, it’s still hard to even look at Caleb sometimes. I keep all of this to myself. If I say it out loud, then it becomes real that I really did lose and keep losing every day. No matter how much time passes, Chad still has a grip on me.

Except when I’m in the studio, his grip loosens.

When I walk through the door after work, deciding that going to the studio tonight isn’t the best and letting my body rest, I see Taylor and Caleb sitting on the couch with a popcorn bowl. Taylor looks up at me. She gives me a bright smile, and I muster up the best one I can, but it falls flat. She can tell that something is wrong. Always has been able to. Caleb has a worried look on his face, and I try to avoid his gaze, but it’s hard when your two best friends are staring right at you.

“We were going to do a movie night and thought you would want to join us?” Taylor's usual loud voice softens, and I wince because this isn’t who she is. She doesn’t do movie nights willingly with Caleb, nor does she talk softly to me, and Caleb wouldn’t be caught alone in the room with her. So why are they acting like this? Anger boils up in me.

I take in a breath a hopeful smile appears on Taylor's face, and it crushes everything inside me. I want to say yes and sit down to eat all of the junk food we have while throwing popcorn at each other arguing over what movie we are going to watch. But I can’t.

“I think I’m going to head to bed actually. I’m pretty tired.” I say, walking past them to my room

“Emma-” Caleb's voice catches me, but he is cut off by whatever Taylor does, and the tears well up in my eyes just as my door close

Three weeks since

I’m in the studio again. Like I have been for the last three weeks. If I’m not here sweating off my emotions, then I’m working and if I’m not doing either of those, then I’m in my room reading. Getting lost in the fantasy world because who wouldn’t want to be in a make-believe world that's created by people who have wild imaginations?

I haven’t spoken to Taylor since she asked me to join them for a movie night and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Part of me is relieved because then I get my time to myself without her breathing down my neck, but another part of me misses her and wants her to scream at me. The same goes for Hunter; his calls have stopped, but his texts have not, only messaging me in the morning and at night, but I have a feeling those will stop altogether, too.

I don’t have the energy to respond because what will I say, “Good morning, I'm alive and not doing well. I think you’re better off without me. Even though you say you love me, it’s hard to believe anything but my negative thoughts.”

Yeah no. That definitely won't be happening.

I walk over to my bag, my breathing heavy as I grab my water bottle, taking a sip from it and letting the cool water go down. The sound of the door opening has me whipping around, and I choke on my water when the person in front of me crosses their arms and leans against the door, staring at me.

“Well, I’m glad to see that you are alive.” Hunter's deep voice causes chills to scatter across my skin, and a small whimper comes from me. Who knew you could miss a voice so much?

“Yup, I’ve been here.” I wave my arms around the studio.

“Oh, I know. Aubrey has kept me up to date. Actually, everyone has. Except you.” His eyes narrow at me and all I want to do is crawl into myself.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t gotten back to you. I haven’t really been talking to anyone, actually.” I shrug and avert my gaze from him.

“News flash, Emma, I’m not just anyone to you.” He starts walking forward, and I try hard to hold my ground. “I’m your boyfriend. The person that has helped you these past six months.”

I take a few steps back as he continues forward, and I keep my gaze away from him, knowing that the second I look at him, the damn will break. He continues as he gets closer, “The one that you don’t push away because I will always keep pushing back.” He reaches up to cup my cheek, and everything crumbles as I drop to the ground. His arms wrap around me, catching me as I fall.

I eventually peel myself off Hunter and wipe my tears. He smiles at me, and I find myself smiling back.

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