Page 55 of Broken Halo

It’s almost too much, especially standing in his mother’s home—a place that became a refuge for me since I moved back to Texas. Thank goodness I have Griffin to focus on. Otherwise I might’ve turned around and run straight to the border, to a place where CPS workers have no jurisdiction and Trig wouldn’t be in my face at my every turn, reminding me of everything I lost.

But running from reality only plays out on Netflix and in romance novels. Griffin made sure real life smacked me in the face because, when we arrived, he wiggled out of my arms and crawled straight to the closet where Faye kept the garage-sale toys she bought for him to play with when we came over. Being the straight-talker she was, she didn’t even stutter when she told me her dream was to have a home where her grandbabies loved to visit.

That pinched my heart and I knew she could see it. Her only apology was telling me by my giving her Griffin, I fulfilled her dream.

Then she told me to quit crying and fed me cookies with my tea.

Griffin made an enormous mess, pulling every single truck and block out of that closet while nibbling off my plate where Trig and I sat on the floor eating Chinese food. I picked around the meat while Trig ate two platefuls.

Trig and I hardly exchanged words besides him asking mundane questions about Griffin, like his birthday and what he likes to play with. But I broke a little while watching Trig interact with my son. Between feeding Griffin bites off his plate to rolling a ball back and forth, I could tell Trig was trying even though it’s plain to see he has no experience with babies. Then he cleaned up dinner and I wandered Faye’s house.

Now, Trig’s focus is lasered on me and I don’t have a babbling baby—fussy or happy—to avert my attention.

“You’ve read them all?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I just found them last night. They’re boxed up in her junk room. I don’t think they’re even in order. Organization was not my mom’s strong suit.”

I wipe my eyes again. “She was clean but she liked her things around her. I loved that.”

He leans deep into his chair, legs set wide and arms sprawled, taking up every inch possible. “That, she did.”

“So, she told you that summer, like the journal said?” I speak softly. “About the cancer?”

He nods. “I knew something was off. I was supposed to fly back to L.A. a couple days earlier but was able to extend my trip. I made some calls to her doctors and when I realized it was even worse than she made it out to be, I tried to get her to move to California. She refused. That’s when I started looking for a job here.”

“She never told me you moved back.” I try to keep the hurt out of my voice but it’s hard. I shouldn’t be upset about it, I made my choices. I was married and I’m sure Faye knew it would only cause me turmoil. She barely spoke of Trig around me as it was.

“She never told me she all but adopted you as the daughter she never had. I guess we’re even.”

“She had secrets,” I whisper as I push Griffin’s pacifier back into his mouth when he starts to stir.

“Apparently.”

“When are you putting her house on the market?” I’m dreading it but also ask because I have no clue what else to say. I need to get up and go home and tell Trig that from now on, I don’t want to see him anywhere but in court and I need to mean it this time.

But I just can’t make myself.

His eyes are darker than normal in this room lit by only two lamps. “I guess as soon as I can get it ready. She’s got shit everywhere and I don’t know when I’m going to have a chance to go through it.”

A weird silence blankets us and Griffin sucking away on his pacifier might as well be a locomotive.

“You’re a good mom.”

My breath catches and I don’t answer. He’s creeping into territory that scares me.

“Griffin is a good kid. He’s happy. After all you’ve gone through, that’s all you.”

My eyes start to glass over and I whisper, “Stop.”

He lowers his voice. “Don’t like seeing you cry, angel.”

“Yeah, well, I cry when I’m sad or pissed or upset, which seems to be often lately.”

“I really don’t like being the one who causes those tears.”

Shit.

No. I really can’t do this.

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